To think it is impossible not to dislike your body?

[Nearly40mumof4]

Just listening to the Emma Barnett podcast, ‘ready to talk’ with Billie Bhatia about fatphobia and her struggles with accepting her body. It is brilliant.
At one point she says that she has spent her whole life disliking her bigger body and has never been able to not think about it / what to eat/how to lose weight.

I’ve always struggled with my body, ranging from being skinny with eating restrictions to averagely slim, to a bit fat after having children, to the current situation of being a size 12. I look alright and have a very healthy main diet, but I’m either always binging secretly or restricting secretly and losing/gaining the same stone, sometimes in a fortnight. Food is certainly my drug and go to treatment for stress, sadness, comfort etc. I wonder if it’s ever possible to reach a stage of acceptance and just eat normally without the psycho drama? I eat healthily and am active through work (which unfortunately involves baking, so food is ever present), but now I have the obvious markers of 4 pregnancies like loose skin in my stomach, which I really hate. I want to be the person who can say ‘look at my wonderful body and what it has done for me’, but like Billie says in the podcast, I have never reached that point. Has anyone ever cracked this sort of thing and just accepted themselves? I want to be ‘body positive’ for my daughter and I keep all this a secret. I grew up watching my mum eat cottage cheese and celery for dinner and refusing to enjoy family meals because she was always trying to lose weight (even though she was only a size 10) and so I’m shielding my kids from any of that nonsense. No one who knows me would ever guess this stuff and it feels like a shameful secret.

My body is nothing special. A dress size too big maybe, but I can live with that.
I certainly have no problem putting on a bikini on the beach!

Keep reading - look up body neutrality and fat liberation. And check the history of the term body positivity.

If it fits with your morals/ethics take your husband to a sex / kink club - to watch in a non-creepy way. In a good space there will be no pressure on you to engage in anything yourselves. You'll see people of all shapes and sizes comfortable and enjoying themselves in various states of undress.

It is possible to get comfortable with your own body as it is now and as it changes over time.

I’m very seriously ill and my life expectancy is not great now and I STILL think like this OP, to my own mortification and sadness - I’m very glad for the people that can appreciate themselves, I wish I knew how!

I really love my body. Not in the sense of thinking I’m super hot but more just feeling huge affection and gratitude for it, like a beloved old friend.

What helped get me here was yoga and getting older.

No I’ve never felt that way but my mum was always positive about her body and also very realistic with me and my sister. She did tell us that if you have kids you will look different and you might wee when you sneeze. She was pretty slim to say she had six children, she never had any Botox or anything like that but she did take care of herself and was always into skincare. I never had negative thoughts about my body till I was about 16 when a friend’s mum asked me if I was going out like that and said I would look better in a one piece swim suit. I don’t really feel negative about my body now, I will say my third and final child caused the most physical change and it’s harder to bounce back, but that’s not a bad thing. I will probably never be a size 8 again but that’s okay because I’m healthy and at the end of the day I had 3 relatively easy births and pregnancies so I’m happy with what my body has done for me. Lots of people are not that lucky.

It's hard when cognitively you know this is internalised misogyny but emotionally still feel dissatisfied. I have never obsessed over my body as in rarely dieted, am not hung up about being seen without make up etc but I am sad that at my most gorgeous, in my 20s and 30s, I still felt insecure. When looking back I can see I should have celebrated my body then. I try to now but, tbh, it is a constant challenge. Women were so objectified in my youth but I fear it is no better now. Spa days for little girls? It's not pampering, it's teaching them that they only have value if they have worked on their bodies.

I've never hated my body, even when I was obese. Sorry, I don't even get why you would hate it.

Your cottage cheese eating Mum has fucked up your childhood brain.
That generation were ridiculous!

I've never 100% liked my body at any time.
I've liked bits of my body over the years and varying weights.

In my 20s &30s= Overweight: liked my cleavage, hated muffin top and chafing thighs.
In my early 40s= Obese: liked my boobs, hated my huge belly and fat thighs.
Current mid 40s= Heathly weight: like my slim figure, hate my loose skin and saggy boobs

I hear you OP, and I think you’ve had a tough time on here. I think very similarly to you and it would be nice not to.

I’ve always been happy with my body, and still am (50s)! Aside from a shortish time when I was young and was made fun of and criticised for being too thin (just naturally slim) - but even then I was happy enough in myself, it was others who had the problem. Always been flatchested, never been a problem for me. I’m a lot less slim now, but still slimmish, and I still love my body!

For me it's about self-compassion and caring about me. I remember hearing in my yoga class to think of our body as the house we inhabit. Its stuck with me because our body gets us around, keeps us a safe haven if we accept it and is all we have that belongs 100 % to us. I've realised I don't want anything else, what I have is OK.

I don't hate my body! Do we expect men to hate their bodies? I know many do, but females are EXPECTED to hate theirs - it's a way to keep us from worrying about important stuff, and to keep the feeling we're in competition with each other for men's approval. It doesn't take a huge degree of brain power to see through it all.

im happy with my bod and mostly have been since my 20s.
It's served me well.
I'm sorry that you are unhappy with yours and hope that over time, you can learn to love it

I don’t think it’s impossible at. I’ve never hated my body.
I’ve been a similarish size overall other than actual pregnancy, but more or less toned/ flabby throughout various phases of my life. Sometimes I’m maybe aware I’m much softer after a baby/ with a young child an I’ll make more effort with what I eat and try to work out but I still have never hated my body, or even strongly disliked it.
I wouldn’t even say it’s because I just don’t care what I look like, I do care about looks and try to look put together, attractive and in shape but I’ve still never hated myself.

I felt quite sad for the fit girls at the gym, who were still so unsatisfied with themselves. They would hate to be me but I'm far happier than they are and just get on with stuff. Really do try a bit of CBT or something to be kinder to yourself.

I grew up with a mother who was always on a diet, but then binged on crap and did no exercise, so her weight never really changed but she was always unhappy because she was overweight and not toned.

Even as a teen I thought what a complete waste of life. I suppose I was lucky to think that rather than get caught up in the constant diet, binge, weigh cycle that she was in.

I’ve always eaten healthily. I’ve always played team sports and/or exercised because it helps my mental health, keeps me physically healthy and toned. I’ve always liked my body but its not something I’ve really thought about other than wanting to be healthy.

I love this and feel the same. Always have done. I think my upbringing helped with this, but also having an innately sunny outlook (maybe also upbringing.)

I love that my body manages to stay (mostly) well and I try to help it do so as much as I can, especially after a spell of illness in my twenties. I don’t really think about my body in terms of wobbly bits, dieting etc. I enjoy physical exertion and it’s nice I can do this.

I’m hugely uncoordinated (dyspraxic I think) so it can be frustrating when my body doesn’t do what I think it will. But I’ve never felt inhibited physically around lovers or on the beach etc. and it brewed four babies, which is pretty awesome.

You realise people don’t only work out because they hate themselves and are unsatisfied with their body? 😂
Imagine proclaiming you’re happier than every ‘fit girl at the gym’ based on absolutely nothing. The notion that people other than you must be unhappy with their lives purely so you can feel better is literally so sad.

Following this, I ‘m having a very similar thing

Has someone in your life spoke negatively about your body in the past? That would cause issues for life.

I don't think you understood what I was saying...I'm the slowest, fattest, etc but they worried so much and I just wish they could really see themselves as fabulous.

Definitely nothing to do with what they're doing. You do you, as far as I'm concerned but don't waste energy trying to be less...

More this sort of thing, all lovely sentiments. Appreciate what you can do, not what you're not...

I loved my body in my 20s. I felt so powerful. I was very into sports, every spare minute was filled with outdoor activities, hiking, climbing, even mountaineering. I was very lean, fit and strong.

Now I'm late 30s, two C sections, weight gain, no time to be active. I have a hernia, diastasis recti and painful scar tissue. I have a hip impingement. Running is uncomfortable, everything jiggles when I move and my diet is rubbish.

I feel a lot of affection and pride towards my body but I don't like how it feels or looks right now.

Unfortunately I think the way your mum has bought you up has shaped your body image for life. We were never really bought up to believe that food was ‘good’ or ‘bad’, obviously there was an encouragement on eating veg but we’d often have ‘pudding’. I always saw my mum naked and she never spoke about hating her body in front of me.

I believe as a result of that I have never dieted and I’m generally happy with my body. I think it helps that I don’t have a sweet tooth, maybe because it was never demonised - I’ll have a sugar in my coffee and the occasional bit of dark chocolate but I don’t ever crave a doughnut or chocolate bar for example. We love our dinners and cook most things from scratch including bread but will get the odd takeaway!

Sometimes pregnant or post partum I might feel like I look bigger than I like in clothes but it doesn’t really bother me as I know I’ll get that back again gradually. I have periods where I do look in the mirror and feel content at what I see! We hike a lot at weekends and I’m busy with my toddlers so that helps!