To feel cross with my "Britain-bashing" friend

[branflake81]

I have a good friend from the Czech Republic. She has lived here for two years and does not intend to stay forever.

She is generally lovely and we get on really well. I don't have a huge social circle so value her frienship a lot. Except for one thing - she is always moaning about Britain.

According to her, everthing is rubbish. The food, the scenery, the housing etc etc. Now I don't consider myself to be a particulary patriotic person and recognise that this country has its faults but it is really starting to wind me up. I almost feel as though she has strode into my living room and started dissing my curtains, if that doesn't sound ridiculous.

I sometimes feel on the point of snapping at her to just "go home" if things are really that shit here which is AWFUL

I am surprised I feel like this since I don't generally feel allegiance to my country, perhaps it's just her negativity.

Should I say something or just keep biting my tongue?

v true ormirian
whinging is after all a great british hobby and we shouldn't take that away I know life is suddenly quite a lot tougher for us all than it has been for a long time
but I do have a number of friends/acquaintances who at the moment never seem to stop with their diatribes, which are all based on naive and ill-founded ideas of how much better it is to live in France/Nicaragua/Hong Kong/delete as appropriate

Lol at blueshoes question . Who knows what Britain truly is. I don't even know what my country of origin truly is .

Of course people know in advance that it rains in the UK. But before moving you can't possibly know of the impact the constant rain/wind will have on your mood. But I agree it's childish to moan about the weather the whole time, when you can moan about the mixer taps .

No, I've never really moaned about mixer taps or busy roads (I lived in devon, I actually longed for busy roads, pollution and the tube). Nor about day to day life. The bureaucracy in the UK is extremely easy, I found.. It's heaven for an Italian like me (have you got an idea of what we have to endure in Italy? ).

I moaned about loneliness.

Actually Mazzy, I don't find that the Brits whinge that much. British people are quite "tough" I find, certainly less spoiled than the Italians, who are, indeed, whingers to the extreme

I guess loneliness is at the root of much homesickness, but so is that feeling that you just won't ever really understand the locals or fit in however hard you try. I've lived in several countries and I've always had those moments. You can't expect to love everything about your host country.

I think there are always going to be things you love about your new home and wouldn't back for in a million years. These are good for bringing up in conversation with the locals who will be flattered that you love their food/weather/sense of humour etc. so much.

Then there are the things you absolutely hate (food/weather/sense of humour) or find utterly baffling and will never accept however long you live there. These are best kept to yourself or saved for whinging sessions with other expats.

She might just be a moaner. Some people are.

agree taipo. Only - in my case - there weren't many Italians in devon

"Fuck off back home" lmao!

I've been told that twice since I've lived in England. Not for moaning about England, but once for asking my neighbour to stop hanging her washing out on MY line so I could use it and the other time was asking another neighbour if they could please turn down their blaring music at 11pm when my baby was 5 weeks old!!!

Not many Brits where I live either, franca. That's what I come on mnet for and then I realise that 'back home' everyone is moaning about how awful everything is so I feel better

Lotuseener . It's reading things like that remind me that the British are not that great really. You tend to look at things back home through rose-tinted specs when you live abroad for any length of time.

Lotuseener, it is, as far as I know, racist of them to say that to you, and you should call the police the next time, which there hopefully will not be.

Well, I'm off to Coventry this weekend. I'll report back from a middle-sized, middle-of-the-road British town. I'm not expecting greatness, though

cristina - they have a wonderful cathedral - go and check out how the monumental concrete pillars are balanced on teeny tiny metal pins
and the new wing of the museum may be open - they have a fab cafe

You're right, I'd heard of the cathedral. I hope there'll be time for it.

lotuseener -

Yeah, I live in a crappy neighbourhood. That's the glamourous life of being married to a PhD student!! I've lived here for 2 years and haven't won over the neighbours. I promise I am very likeable, too!

P.S. Not that I'd ever moan about the UK, but if I did, I'd save it for my expat websites!

I fear, I do this Not out of hatred for the US but out of homesickness. I try not to do it with Americans though because I understand that it would be quite offensive. That's why it's good to have expat friends (and MN)

I think, often, it is about noticing differences but not voicing them very well. When my family visit me here, I suddenly become very defensive of the US and hate their constant comparisons and 'well it's not like this in the UK' nonsense.

I think those old fashioned taps (on for Hot and one for Cold) are quaint and old fashioned and charming.

I think ancient bath tubs instead of power showers are a pro.

I think a 400 year old pub is nicer than a swanky NY bar.

I like really greasy Fish and Chips, and cheap yet lethal greasy spoons.

I think the crap weather just makes being inside so much more cosy.

I am foreign, but I love those things about the UK!The only thing that shocks me is reheated coffee from yesterday (!!!! )

Constant complaining is tough to hear, but if everyone thinks it's rosey here you are wearing tinted glasses. The housing market is a shambles - the education system a costly disaster in most areas - the healthcare system a length of q's for service - the costs for ANYTHING going through the roof - the country isn't one willing to change - we need people to voice these issues to get a consideration for change.
Yes the countryside is beautiful and listening to the track of the Beatles while eating a scone it lovely - but it doesn't pay the ever climbing costs to live here. As for the university education - there needs to be accountability - if taxes pay for your education you should be obligated to work in your given profession IN THIS COUNTRY for a set amount of time to give back.

Yes, Britain is generally as bad as you would expect of a country where people have been given carte blanche by the media to be selfish and negative and where taking other people's needs into consideration before you act (aka manners) is seen as rather old-fashioned.

But that doesn't mean that you should whinge about everything that's wrong.

IMHO, the only way to enjoy life is to focus on what's good; what's right; what you can make better.

So ask your friend what she likes most about her life here and what she liked back home that she could replicate here - then spend your time together exploring and developing those thoughts.

didn't read all the posts so maybe this has been said before - she probably sees you as so 'un-typically British' that she feels free to moan, assuming you have the same complaints about Britain?
I had that situation from all angles - got comments from Italian friends when I was still in Vienna, all the time, about how horrible Vienna/Austria/Austrians/German language are, and usually I could see their points and agreed (apart from the language - I find it hugely offensive to tell people you HATE their mother language), and if I got annoyed and told them, they got all shocked and explained that they hadn't seen me as 'Austrian' (though I am) during their moan...and ex-partner from Kosovo - same issue about him complaining about Austrians + me getting all offended/sad, he explained he actually meant that I was so different from the 'typical' Austrian, that it was kind of a compliment from him ...
agree it can be very annoying, if it happens all the time

On the other hand, although I am not aware of moaning too much about Britain since we got here 2 years ago, especially not to British people (that is DH's job, being from London himself, he moans far more than me...BUT there were lots of things I didn't quite understand. What has helped me loads and what I would give your friend at the next possible occasion - with or without comment - is Kate Fox's book 'Watching the English'. I found lots of daily life stuff much easier after reading it..

i lived in London for 4 years and i've had my complaints about the country and people. the recycling program sucks. point blank. there is no such thing as customer service and individuals in these types of services are always passing the buck. there is a real difficulty on the part of Britons to support it's farmers... ok, that is very specific. British people do not know how to complain... either they don't do it all or they attack, thinking that is how something will get done. however, there was far more many great things about living in london... it's a fantastically, culturally, world city and you can do anything there, and so much is for free. i can't go to major museums or art gallery's here for free. everything is within walking distance of the tube or bus. it was the first time since i turned 16 that i felt i didn't need a vehicle. and when people found out i was Canadian, they were so friendly and wanted to talk to me about it. and you can take your kids into the pub!!!

i've had friends say the same things and two of them from Poland said that the only reason they came to UK was because Canada's immigration laws are extremely strict. although i was raised in Canada, i am a British citizen. tell your friend to shut it. CR isn't all that great and vodka gets boring quick. i would rather live in a squat in London than a mansion in CR.