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Original poster

To feel cross with my "Britain-bashing" friend

145 replies

branflake81 · 17/06/2008 10:46

I have a good friend from the Czech Republic. She has lived here for two years and does not intend to stay forever.

She is generally lovely and we get on really well. I don't have a huge social circle so value her frienship a lot. Except for one thing - she is always moaning about Britain.

According to her, everthing is rubbish. The food, the scenery, the housing etc etc. Now I don't consider myself to be a particulary patriotic person and recognise that this country has its faults but it is really starting to wind me up. I almost feel as though she has strode into my living room and started dissing my curtains, if that doesn't sound ridiculous.

I sometimes feel on the point of snapping at her to just "go home" if things are really that shit here which is AWFUL

I am surprised I feel like this since I don't generally feel allegiance to my country, perhaps it's just her negativity.

Should I say something or just keep biting my tongue?

OP posts:
Twelvelegs · 17/06/2008 11:46

I had the same from a woman who had lived here from Slovenia, married to an English guy. I simply explained that I found her comments offensive and that my country was as wonderful as she thought hers was and it wasn't for her to comment to me what was wrong with England.

more · 17/06/2008 11:50

All us foreigners are not like this you know.
You are kind of doing the same with this thread. Tarring all us "foreigners" with the same brush. ("at uni all the foreign students would go on about how cold/ shitty awful the UK was and I would go red with anger"
"We have a Danish au pair coming in August too, so I had better start practising gritting my teeth again.")

We have tried living in both Scotland and Denmark and have come to the conclusion that we prefer living in Scotland, for various reasons.

Most Danes (and other Scandinavians) love to travel and experience living in other countries. They want to see the different cultures, try different kind of foods, meet new people, learn languages and make new friends.

I am also from Denmark and when I was (much) younger I stayed a year in France, spent weeks in Germany and 2 summers in Britain. You make it sound as if I was an unwelcome visitor who could only complain about the countries and their citizens. Now I think you British people need to lighten up a bit, and try to turn the negative round to a positive .

nametaken · 17/06/2008 11:53

YANBU - as other posters have said, there is only one answer to give visitors to this country when they moan about it.

motherhurdicure · 17/06/2008 11:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

taipo · 17/06/2008 12:02

I find enough to complain about the country I'm now living in but would never inflict my moans on the locals here, well apart from dh of course but he did the same to me when we lived in the UK. It used to annoy me when he used to go on about bad service in the UK until we came here and it is possibly even worse.

Your friends needs to find other Czech friends so they can all have a good moan together.

Libra · 17/06/2008 12:05

More. I meant that when our new au pair comes, it will set DH off again. Any visitor from Denmark tends to make him start listing his woes. I was not intending to tar all Danes with same brush. As I pointed out earlier, most of his Danish friends tell DH that his view of Denmark is a sentimentalised and fictional one and most also pick him up on his moans.
It is just part of his character. He also compares life here to life in Canada when he was a postgrad. History is always greener than the realities of life at present I expect.
I expect if pressed into a corner with a hot stake (don't tempt me) he would also admit to preferring life in Scotland to Denmark. He certainly finds it more to his liking than England. Perhaps it is more like Denmark?

mollysawally · 17/06/2008 12:07

More - I don't think anyone means it to come accross that way. I also like learnig about other cultures and I also find it intresting and informative to know what foriegners think of the U.K
I like thier honest opinions.

I just feel sorry for the OP as she has to hear it all the time.

MrsTittleMouse · 17/06/2008 12:11

When we moved abroad, we were really culture-shocked for the first couple of months because it's so disorientating to not have a clue how to open a bank account or go to the doctors, and the supermarkets are full of strange stuff. And we couldn't help but feel that things were done much better at home.
After that though, I'm of the opinion that you either learn to see the good stuff about your host country (and there is always good stuff), or you go home. So there!

UpSinceCrapOClock · 17/06/2008 12:13

Just curious - why is she in Britain? Both DH and I are foreigners in the country we live in (and we're not from the same country as each other either!) and have a fair few international friends, so IKWYM about the '(insert country of choice) bashing'. However, I have noticed with a few people that they're generally quite negative if they feel 'stuck' in a place, in the cases I'm thinking of because their DH is working in said country, or because they have moved to their OH's country from far away and only experienced it in 'holiday format' before moving there (ie, without all the daily grind crap that you get in any country when you are living there) - so either they don't feel at home, or they may feel a bit conned (the honeymoon period in the excitement of moving abroad has worn off!) or perhaps resentment to their OH for dragging them there.

I understand how you feel though. We're where we are at the moment essentially because of me and I've lived here long enough for it to feel more like 'home' than we I was brought up. DH is keen to move though and I have to put up with a fair amount of country bashing comments whenever something doesn't go his way and it can get really tiresome.

sloopjohnb · 17/06/2008 12:14

"fuck off home if you don't like it"

for some reason people seem to think that this sort of phrase would have xenophobic or racist connotations. i however couldn't agree with it more and would expect it to be applied to me if i went to another country to work and live but complained about it constantly to my hosts.

UpSinceCrapOClock · 17/06/2008 12:16

'than where I was brought up' - sorry am typing one-handed

MrsTittleMouse · 17/06/2008 12:17

PS Even when we were homesick and really struggling to fit in, we never complained about it to anyone who wasn't also a foreign national. It would be like going around to someone's house and moaning that their sofa wasn't comfortable enough and that they didn't have your favourite brand of tea.

francagoestohollywood · 17/06/2008 12:19

"fuck off home etc" does have xenophobic connotations, I'm afraid.
Plus there's nothing wrong discussing and criticizing aspects of a country. It is annoying hearing someone moaning constantly though, I agree with that.

CountessDracula · 17/06/2008 12:22

There is a huge diff between "fuck off home you foreigner" and "fuck off home you whinger"

snotbuster · 17/06/2008 12:24

I am British, but lived abroad for a long time, and was probably just like this when I came 'home'! I think a) there are quite a lot of things that are strange and slightly difficult about Britain (weather, bad service, high cost of living) and b) when you haven't been in a place for long (you said you're friend's only been here for 2 years) you don't have all that much common ground when it comes to conversation. And yes, maybe she's really homesick and probably doesn't realize how negative she sounds.

francagoestohollywood · 17/06/2008 12:25

As i said people moan for all sorts of reasons. Maybe she has no intention of going home. Maybe she hates her country, but just can't cope with the weather

MrsTittleMouse · 17/06/2008 12:26

I certainly thought "well fuck off home then" about some British friends of ours when we were living abroad. What's the point in moving to a new country if all you're going to do is moan all the time?

francagoestohollywood · 17/06/2008 12:31

I don't know, sometimes people have huge expectations of a "different" place and then they realize how difficult it is to start a new life. Or they realized they are still trapped to their old self, but in a different place... . It's not easy.
I'm still that the person in the OP complains about the English scenery, which I mean, is mostly quite amazing.

StrictMachine · 17/06/2008 12:31

''"fuck off home if you don't like it"''

Indeed doesn't have to be racist/ xenophobic.

I thought much the same when I overheard a 'friend' at a party we had say 'I hate these people who make you take your shoes off then you end up with filthy feet'

Bucharest · 17/06/2008 12:34

I also find that the really only valid reason most non-Brits can come up with is the weather.....I'm not in the UK (and nor am I in Romania, despite my nn) and believe you me, if you want bad public service, a horrendous school system, a health service that treats you like a slab of meat and a spiralling cost of living, we can always swap! It always makes me chuckle when people here talk about how expensive Britain is- yes, maybe, if you are visiting as a tourist and buying a bottle of mineral water in Covent Garden or outside Buck Palace, but not for the rest....

FluffyMummy123 · 17/06/2008 12:35

Message withdrawn

sloopjohnb · 17/06/2008 12:35

"I certainly thought "well fuck off home then" about some British friends of ours when we were living abroad. What's the point in moving to a new country if all you're going to do is moan all the time?"

i think the same any time i bump into a tourist in a foreign country giving out about the fact that you can't get decent chips/a proper fry up.

ib · 17/06/2008 12:35

Molly - I don't want to get into it particularly as I don't think this thread is the right place, but certainly weather, poor quality of housing (particularly relative to price) and really bad public transport were big issues for us.

Otoh, we still feel that London is the most liberal, open minded city in the world bar none (between us we've lived in a fair number) and will definitely want ds to have the chance to spend some time there as a young adult.

CristinaTheAstonishing · 17/06/2008 12:40

I was in a Post Office in London years ago and complained about something. Some woman told me to go back home if I didn't like it. I'd been here for 10 years or so at the time, family, job, house etc, all here. Why can't I complain? Of course she was a racist cow, you'd all agree. Extend that. How much would I be allowed to complain before being told to fuck off home and all agreeing that's a good retort?

cory · 17/06/2008 12:49

It can be quite difficult to keep up your end in a conversation even when you've lived here for a very long time. Obviously, most native people moan all the time- it's what people do, in any country: grumble about everyday irritants. But if you join into the conversation with a foreign accent- it's going to sound rather different. I have learnt from bitter experience that I don't have to join in all conversations; I can be the one that volunteers to put the kettle on .

For the record, I do rather like it here. But then I rather liked it in Sweden when I lived there. So I'm probably not a reliable guide to anything .