Would you/should you tell someone their spouse had an affair?

[KeepOff]

If you had absolute proof?
If it was many years ago?
What if you didn’t know them?
What if you know because the affair was with you but you didn’t know then and have only just found out?

Or is it best to leave it well alone?

Depends on who the person is

It was many years ago. Just leave it.

Personally, I would not tell. Especially, if it was a long time ago.

I cannot see that there is anything to be gained by this coming out. Personally, if it were me, I would not want to know.

Why in earth would you want to tell them if it was may years ago?

A further question:

What if their spouse had recently got in touch and lied about them being separated? Would the old news become relevant or is it still a separate issue?

Many years ago I told a colleague/ friend about an affair her wife was having. It turned out to be the cruelest thing I could have done and I will never forgive myself for the distress and upheaval I caused that poor woman. She knew, she knew about all the affairs and all the cheating but had made peace with it for her own reasons that were none of my business. By my forcing her to confront the issue and shining light on it I changed the course of her life in a way she had absolutely not been planning on changing for herself. I will never get involved in others personal issues ever again.

Leave it all in the past. How is raking it all up going to make your life any better now?

If it’s over now and it happened years ago, then I wouldn’t bother. Nothing good can come of it now.

No no no and no.
And what would your intention be in telling them?

Block so he can’t contact you and move on.

If it was a recent affair then you should tell but it was years ago so leave it.

No because I don't dress gossip up as a community service

Yes, always. I was cheated on and some of my friends knew but didn’t tell me. The sense of betrayal was almost as much towards them as my ex. Even if I didn’t know someone I would tell them - everyone deserves to be able to make decisions in full knowledge of all the facts. What they do with that information (and they may choose to do nothing) is up to them.

The adulterer was a slimeball then, and is a slimeball now. Quite likely the spouse already knows/suspects this. I'd just go completely NC, block on every level and move on with your life.

I would never choose to tell anyone. I don’t believe I would want to know myself, so I don’t take it on myself to tell others.

Why would they do that? This is a strange situation.

I’m not sure what the answer is, but if I was making a decision like should I have children with my partner and there was a strong reason I shouldn’t such as an affair, that kind of information could be life changing.

The question is not about making anyone’s life better, rather, is it about whether it is the right thing to do?

No. You don’t know if they would be physically harmed by their OH and I couldn’t risk that.
Also you never know all the circumstances and I’m not a sanctimonious twat.

Surely gossip is about other people. It’s just news if it’s about you personally.

No, I wouldn’t tell. It’s the past. Maybe it was a moment of weakness on his part, and he’s moved on and has been a hundred percent faithful since then.

I’m so sorry. This was my very similar personal experience as well which may be colouring my view.

Not a one off, months long sustained affair.

I dont care what is is called or how it is dressed up the only person who has the responsibility to tell me is the person who cheats on me or the gullible person who falls for it if they chose too

Yes, that is the question - would you tell the innocent spouse if you had inadvertently been an affair partner? The guilty spouse will not tell them. In this case, it is not a gullible person but a situation where the end and beginning of two relationships overlapped and neither of them knew.

"moment of weakness"
🙄

It is interesting to me that @Silverbirchleaf correctly identified the cheater as male.