Would you/should you tell someone their spouse had an affair?

[KeepOff]

If you had absolute proof?
If it was many years ago?
What if you didn’t know them?
What if you know because the affair was with you but you didn’t know then and have only just found out?

Or is it best to leave it well alone?

We were still in contact for some time after we split because he had stuff at mine and asked to take our cat. She actually came with him to collect the cat but she didn’t get out of the car. I blocked him out of respect for my new boyfriend because he was still texting me occasionally with things like links to songs and the odd ‘I miss you’ that I didn’t respond to.

Once I realised that he was lying about them being separated, it suddenly occurred to me that he will have lied during my relationship with him, because there’s no way he’s that a good a liar without a lot of practice. I had suspicions during our relationship about other women (he once convinced me to block a woman who apparently wanted to tell me they’d slept together and I actually did it - can’t believe that now!) but it never occurred to me that he’d been dishonest about when his relationship with his wife started. I can only see her profile pictures so I scrolled back to when she first posted one of them together and looked at the date (at least 6 weeks before we broke up) and the comments. She then changes her pic a few days later to a bunch of flowers with an ‘I love you note’ which makes me think it must have been going on longer still.

That is what I plan to do if he ever calls again.

I'm a big fan of minding my own business.

Do you think sometimes it's imperative to ignore the ‘mind your own business’ mantra? An extreme example might be information about a crime or a safeguarding concern.

If we agree then that it is sometimes important not to mind your own business, then the question becomes, when is it right to mind your own business vs ignoring. That is the subject of this thread and the differing comments show that it is not a simple answer.

How would you feel if everyone around you minded their own business while you were having unprotected sex with someone who was having unprotected sex with someone who……and so on. Then you test positive…..for what?

@KeepOff Yes, I'd want to know

I'm not here to solve everyone else's problems in life. Life is complicated and no one knows what's really going on in someone else's relationship. If someone found out my DH was having an affair, I'd genuinely rather not know. Ignorance is bliss.

You wouldn’t want know????

Ignorance is STI’s.

Some of them are incurable.

Sexually transmitted diseases and the risk of another child elsewhere don’t sound like bliss to me

@bumptybum not personally, no. Dp is a very faithful type and when I’m in a relationship, I am too, but infidelity is pretty common and happens for a variety of reasons. Dp would probably tell me himself tbh, but if he didn’t, I wouldn’t thank anyone else for inserting themselves into our relationship.

Same