How to cope with getting ugly

[doggirl4]

Im nearly 40, over the past few years I’ve really noticed my looks going. I’ve never been a stunner but I was fairly attractive when younger. Now I can see myself fading and it’s things I can’t do a lot about (without cosmetic surgery) like my face really sagging and deep wrinkles. My skin tone always looks grey, my hair has always been shit but is now even thinner and flatter. I have no sense of style and hate seeing photos of myself. I’m about 11 stone so a bit overweight but not massively so for my height.

I know this is ageing but I feel really sad about it. I don’t want to sound shallow I just want to feel happy and confident in my own skin. Has anyone else felt like this?

Beauty is from inside.

Be happy within your own skin and others will find you attractive.

Stop worrying about what you look like. Sagging skin and wrinkles are normal. Start doing more stuff that makes you smile.

Hi op, it should help with your skin too, but liver is great for your mood and contains so many essential nutrients. I know what you mean though, I've been through some bereavements and am also mid-thirties now and have noticed myself visibly aging over the past few years, especially around the mouth and a new line seemed to appear around my eyes almost overnight!

I don't have much more advice, aside from looking into improving your intake of fatty fish, eggs, meat and things like that. Plus ensuring you have good quality sleep at night. Easier said then done I know!

I'm the same age as you and feel exactly the same, I could have written this exact post.

I wish I had some advice but I don't really... Every time I get dressed up I think "oh you can't polish a turd" 🤣

I have lost some weight recently so I just focus on trying to dress well, have good posture, eat well and take care of my skin and hair as much as I can (I'd love something done to my face as my cheeks are looking a bit droopy after weight loss but can't afford surgery now).

I guess just focus on being happy and working on the things you CAN control- diet, clothing etc.

I know aging is a privilege and we shouldn't care about wrinkles and our changing appearance but it is a bit shit isn't it?!

Dont worry, as you get even older and you get menopause dry eye, your eyesight goes so you wont be able to even see all that!

Not really. Yes. I will never be 20 again and yes, sometimes I look at my face and think "huh, I will never be 20 again" but I would never call myself ugly! I have a big and beautiful life and my face reflects that - age spots are from lovely summer days spent paddle boarding and hiking, wrinkles around my eyes are from laughing with my friends. Life is for living, not for analysing how you look in the mirror.

I swear by weights sessions at the gymn or online

When you are 80 you will look back on your 40 year old self and think you are beautiful

Wait until you turn 50!

I’m with u op

Drink water.
Wear blusher.
Eat well.
Exercise. In the fresh air. Every day.
Get a good hair cut and ask the hairdresser to advise you on products. Concentrate on what you need to do to feel comfortable in your own skin.
Get a hobby that you feel passionate about and that makes you light up.

Stop thinking only young is beautiful. You are never going to be younger than you are today. When you're 70 you'll look at photos of you now and think how young, beautiful and full of life you were. You'll wish you'd appreciated how bloody wonderful you are and will wish you'd not wasted one precious moment worrying about it.

You kind of have to find it within yourself not to feel like this or life is one long slope of misery to the grave.

Find ways to feel good inside and then it radiates. I am still very confident in my looks at 43 - I wear what I am comfortable in and what I enjoy wearing (not fashion), I try to have as much fun as possible. I don’t look like I did when I was 20, but I am so much happier and more content. There is something incredibly freeing in being less of a target to men - I’m into it, I’ve never felt better.

Yabu to think you can't do anything about your hair or your skin. To be blunt you just sound like you're not too healthy at the minute. Up to you to do something about that if you want to, like take some vitamins, drink water, cut down on processed crap and alcohol, go for a walk, lift weights, do something enjoyable regularly... Do a bit of research into it you'll see if you make a few tweaks you can feel better on the inside, which will in time show on the outside too.

Tbh, I think this is abit of a defeatist attitude. Your far from old, your not even 40? God willing, less than half way through your life! You literally in your prime. It seems like an excuse tbh. But now is the time to invest in yourself.

Get to a good hairdresser and get a good cut. I’ve had to go a lot shorter now I’m in my 40’s but my hair looks nice. Invest in some good skin care for peri menopausal women, I love the wild mint brand, it’s done wonders for my skin. If you’re that way inclined, get abit of the old ‘tox in the forehead and soften those lines. Contrary to what mumsnet thinks, freezing your face isn’t necessary but a softening can work wonders. Again, only if you want to, lose abit of weight and clean up your diet.

Whatever you do, don’t give up in your 30’s! There’s a bloody long road ahead of you yet!

I paid £100 to get my hair done last week. Cut and coloured. It freshened it up but as soon as I washed and styled it myself it looked shit again. I get my hair done about 3 times a year, can’t afford any more but do get trims in between if needed. I’m just not blessed with good hair.

There are definitely things I could improve health wise, my diet and alcohol consumption for a start. Since the beginning of the year I’ve been making a conscious effort to hit 10k steps everyday.

I would love some Botox but I know it’s a temporary fix and probably not something I could afford to maintain. I saw myself in a photo the other day and just hated everything from my clothes to my face/make up and hair. I feel shit.

OP there's lots you can do - we all get older but it sounds like you're feeling in a rut and need to change things up! Start by trying to drink more water, eat more protein and fibre, get some exercise - brisk walking and working out with some had weights are great ways to feel better, tone up and have more energy.

Why not treat yourself to a facial and new haircut, get some advice and buy some new products. I've been using those jelly under eye patches and I'm definitely seeing a difference in puffiness and dark circles. I've been using a few nip & fab products as well and my skin looks brighter.

Finally, there's a lot of stuff online about taking collagen and creatine for your hair, skin and nails and also for joints and muscle recovery when you've exercised. I haven't bought any yet but I'm tempted to give it a go!

I could have written your exact post
I’m always looking in the mirror these days holding my jowls up or holding my cheeks up
absolutely nothing will fix me except a face lift now .
its sad when I exercise , I don’t smoke , I watch my weight etc but everything is just sagging
Yes it’s fortunate to grow old but it’s still shit to look old

Another for healthy eating and fresh air to change the greyness, Id also recommend a good concealer (Nars!!), primer, spf and bb cream. Hugs op

Just be your best self. Your value is not linked to your looks. That’s just a patriarchal societal standard.

I'm convinced I am fabulous. If the mirror disagrees, I stop looking 😄

I'd hang on for a bit OP; the current idea of beauty looks fug-ugly to me - as well as absurd. I'm sure the naturalyl wrinkled aged crone look will get its chance in the spotlight soon.

Silk pillowcase for hair. I thought it was a gimmick but it makes a big difference.
Also, maybe check your iron levels or start taking some multivitamins? When Im anaemic my skin tone and hair look awful AND I get really depressed and down about my looks. Of course aging is normal, and wrinkles and jowls are natural. But the way you talk about your skin suggests it might be a health issue OR your own perceptions are off and it's nowhere as bad as you think (or both).

Wow. Thanks for that.

I felt the same for a while (I’m 48), but I’ve realised I was just comparing me now to me 10 years ago. Looking at pictures now from when I was 40 I think I looked great. I’ve stopped listening to that internal voice and started listening instead to how others see me. DC’s teenage friends think I’m pretty, and I get compliments from colleagues so I’m choosing to believe them, even though when I look in the mirror I focus on the sags and wrinkles and uneven skin tone.
i do what little I can for those on a budget (L’Oréal moisturiser for 60+ is great for the skin tone and sagging and about £6), i eat well and I’ve lost a bit of weight so I’m healthy bmi (I’m told I look younger for it), but I can’t afford to invest lots of time, money or emotional energy into trying to fight time. My hair is still shit.