im going to give her 2 weeks and if she oversteps or doesn’t listen during that time I’ll be cutting it off
You told her you’ll only be seeing her 1-2 times a week maximum, and she responded by immediately trying to persuade you to see her more often. You don’t need two weeks to see whether she’ll overstep when that was the very first thing she attempted to do!
I do understand wanting to give people a chance and see the best in others, but it doesn’t matter WHY she’s behaving in ways that make you uncomfortable - there is no story from her past that gives her a license to make your present difficult. You’ve only been dating for ONE MONTH and your gut is already telling you something isn’t right: you wouldn’t have posted here otherwise. Listen to that instinct, and to the many women here who are telling you to cut your losses and run.
She ignored your request about social media (while she agreed initially and apologised, within days she was doing it even more than before). You even said “I’ve expressed my discomfort . . . and she’s continued despite me saying not to.” This feels like she was testing to see how much boundary-pushing you’d tolerate.
She manipulated you into meeting her parents before you were ready and, in the home you share with your children, you have “Clothes in my wardrobe, products in my bathrooms, shoes in my lounge, her washing in my washing basket.” The relationship progressing unnaturally quickly, and her pushing for commitment too fast, are red flags for love bombing.
She’s matched her work pattern to yours and is making sure you never get any time to yourself or with other people. Saying “no” to her causes an atmosphere and she sulks if you suggest having even a little bit of time to yourself. Planning her trip around you, when she’s aware you don’t really want to go, is designed to make it hard for you to refuse. She’s shown she will ignore the “no” and do what she wants, manipulate you into changing your mind, or punish you emotionally if you try to stand your ground.
She’s phoning you 10 times a day, wants 24/7 texting, and takes offence/gets upset if you don’t pick up or answer quickly enough. These huge demands on your time and attention, combined with guilt-trips, are more signs of emotional manipulation and love bombing.
You listed a lot of red flags for controlling behaviour (overly attached/very needy/expects all your time/said she’s a jealous person/expects commitment after one date/possessive/made comments about your SM posts being “revealing”). Plus, isolation tactics often don’t show up initially as openly ‘banning you from seeing your friends’. You’re more likely to have someone letting you know you’ve disappointed them by going silent…just like she did when you told her you’d made plans to see friends next week.
She’s had toxic relationships in the past where all her exes have been “psychos” whenever someone says that I assume it’s them as it’s unlikely EVERYONE else will be a psycho.
You even explained exactly why this one is a red flag yourself!
AND she took ketamine on your second date!
All of these behaviours combined should have the Kill Bill siren going off in your head, while you watch red flag confetti explode around you, in an arena decorated with red flags, full of millions of people all waving red flags. Why are you choosing to ignore them and giving her another two weeks!? She’s shown you, and told you, who she is: believe her!