My neighbour keeps bringing us food - too much?

[FlyingPi]

We moved into our house a year ago and found that the neighbours were an elderly Asian couple who didn't seem to speak much English. Waved, said hello, that was about it. After six months, their daughter came back as she'd been in Pakistan for a long visit. Well, she came over to introduce herself, very chatty young woman in her 20s, told me unprompted all about her divorce and weight loss surgery. Good to be on civil terms with neighbours, obviously, so that was nice.
Anyway, since then she keeps bringing us food over. Mostly things like bhajis, spring rolls, sometimes cakes or sugar cookies, traditional Asian food I guess (we are not Asian). She says she just always cooks too much (especially since having her stomach stapled!) and enjoys it. But at this point it's now almost every week and I'm feeling kind of odd about it! She just turns up at the door with plates of food and immediately launches into telling us what it is.
The food is nice, not fancy or anything. I don't eat it as usually meat-based but my kid is very happy to scoff free food. We always take the plates back and thank her, but say "oh, you really don't need to" but she kind of waves that away.
She doesn't seem to want anything from us, she's half my age so I don't think she wants to be friends with me particularly (eg never asks me anything about myself).
I absolutely do not want to offend this lady, I think it's partly her personality and partly a cultural thing that is causing her to do this kind thing. The family who we bought the house from were also Asian and had lived here for decades, so I don't know if she was just in the habit of sharing with them.
But AIBU to think that once a week is a bit much? We can make our own meals and it's feeling like a bit of an imposition, like I need to repay her. And I'm sure there are people who might need it more?
Once we were making a dessert so we took them some, but generally I'm not a big baker or anything so I don't really want to start. And it would feel weird to, like, take them half of our dinner, plus I'm not sure if they'd like that food? I was thinking of giving them a card or gift for Eid, but since I don't actually know the family, have no idea what they'd like. I'm guessing they have enough food!
Or is this fairly normal in some communities and I should just continue to accept gratefully and be glad we have pleasant neighbours?

I think I can speak on behalf of most Asians when I say we love feeding people. I wouldn't feel bad about not being able to reciprocate all the time, just as and when you feel you can, if the once a week bothers you, just make a polite joke of it and hopefully they will get the picture....but otherwise, just enjoy!

My Pakistani nextdoor neighbour comes round with a plate of samosas, bhajis, fried chicken and byriani quite often, or sends one of her children. Over the years, I have reciprocated by making them a cake or a crumble. On Christmas Day I go round with DD to take a plate of mince pies (vegetarian suet). When the children were small, I invited them round for an Easter egg hunt, and when the dad took the elder son to Pakistan for a few weeks, I took one of the younger children to school each morning and read with him. I really enjoy our little gestures of neighbourliness and wouldn't want not to be friendly with the family we share a wall with.

I’m an English Muslim married to a Pakistani man and it most definitely is common in the culture. They won’t want anything in return, they are just being friendly. Just enjoy the food and don’t feel awkward, they are just being neighbourly. It’s a difficult time for Muslims at the moment and they are just showing you that we generally are kind and generous. They will be fasting now so maybe if you want take some dates, mithai or some cake for them to enjoy after the fast breaks but they certainly won’t be expecting anything in return.

Our Pakistani neighbours also do this. Not as often as yours though. The food is always amazing! They always bring us gifts at Christmas and Easter too so I’m preparing to make them a cake for Eid. I was a cake maker in a previous life!

It's a cultural thing, my Indian granny was a feeder and would often give pakoras, bhajis and parathas to her neighbours! I'd just be grateful and enjoy it ☺️ if you want to get them a nice gift once in a while, you could always get them a box of Indian/Pakistani sweets if you've got an asian shop nearby.

My mum’s neighbours do this, and often during Ramadan will share their iftar food. It’s so lovely but I have both Italian and Pakistani family and Asian friends who would do similar so it doesn’t weird me out. It’s so British to feel awkward about it! My mum doesn’t reciprocate with food but waters their plants when they are away. Just neighbours being nice!

I'd feel awkward like you do but goodness, how lovely. Makes me feel like I should be a better neighbour for sure.

I was thinking of giving them a card or gift for Eid

@FlyingPi do you know that they are Muslim? If not I think you should be careful about an Eid card or gift - it could be quite offensive if they are Hindu or Sikh

I would not enjoy this. It is one thing to help out when someone is unwell or every now and then bring over something 'special'. But i would not enjoy weekly food deliveries from neighbours.

I don't think you can do anything about it other than accept it. I would potentially bring them something for Christmas and eid/easter etc. but not more frequently than that. I would not want to encourage this.

It is interesting people's comments about a good neighbour and how many seem to consider this as basics of being a good neighbour. I don't think bringing food to a neighbour every week just because makes it in my top 10 of what makes a good neighbour.

I'd personally love this! As a child I had Filipino neighbours and they regularly brought us food and sweets round. We were over the moon

My Chinese next door neighbour used to bring me all sorts of food round. She moved and I got a right nosey parker instead!

Happy to do a house swap with the OP. Our grisly neighbours at both sides have never fed us in nearly two decades.

Probably a good thing though...

Yes, they definitely are, she's mentioned fasting and breaking it with dates, and my mate has seen them at the mosque.

" It’s a difficult time for Muslims at the moment and they are just showing you that we generally are kind and generous." Yes this is why I would hate to offend, there is so much horrible racism around and misunderstandings.

My DH and I used to live in a flat with Muslim neighbours. They would often knock on the door with a plate of food for us. We are vegetarian, but I did eat the delicious seasoned rice when it was offered! I used to weed their garden patch which was next to mine, but other than that I accepted what food was offered, and ate whatever was vegetarian. They were very nice people.

Smiling because my parents had Indian neighbours that did this although not once a week. Just go with the flow. If you make nice cake or something, take some over. Everyone likes sweets. Maybe get your kid to make something.

Easy to say but I can see how it gets annoying very quickly. As the saying goes too much of anything is bad.

Once in a while is fine but while I appreciate her get sure I would very quickly tire of it if she does it constantly and regularly like OP has said.

I would feel really uncomfortable about this. I like my neighbours to be people I smile and wave at and who I feel I could bash on their door if there was an emergency. I have watered plants and fed cats for neighbours. But other than that - little contact, which suits me. This is the British way!
I can totally see how it might be nice if you're more unclenched than I am though.
I don't know what I'd do in the OP's shoes - she obviously feels a bit like I do. I wouldn't want to feel obliged to buy presents for people after they've done me kindnesses I didn't ask for and have half-heartedly tried to stop. She obviously doesn't want to be rude.

I can't think of anything worse, I'm really weird about hygiene and other folks cooking.

I tend to hide when bday cake appears at work especially when little snotty 3 year old Oliver was involved in the decorating 😆.

Our lovely neighbour is from Hong Kong and she brings us homemade dim sum. It’s absolutely delicious and we return the favour as my husband is Italian so whenever we cook anything Italian we’ll send some over

What a lovely, heartwarming thread. Frankly just the thing I needed to read after five days of increasingly awful news and death and destruction. At a small scale, we can get along, we are better than the shit being meted out by horrible men out there.

OP, take it in the spirit intended! If your kids like it then I honestly don't see the problem. Just aim to make her a cake soon or the occasional small gift of flowers - daffodils are a nice thing to pick up some for friends and neighbours at the moment. I think we should all be open to opportunities to foster connections and friendliness, rather than worrying about 'obligation' or that someone else has cooked the food.

I have a couple of sets of Asian neighbours who occasionally gift me with food, I think it is lovely and I really appreciate it. They always give me something at Eid too

My last 3 houses have had Asian neighbours and all.three did this. So wonderful. I don't reciprocate other than with the odd slice of cake!

You would miss out, I have eaten the most amazing food. My most current neighbours of over a decade do this, but expect nothing in return. We do have nice chats and every few months a cup of tea but nothing demanded.

A girl in my halls at uni was like this. Some of my flatmates weren’t keen on “foreign food” but I absolutely loved it. She was very happy to do it as well. At the time I was a horrible cook so I never offered her any food in return I just tried to be a good flatmate in other ways like sometimes doing her dishes, letting her use my staff discount at the pub I worked at, and making her cups of tea. If I were you I’d just try and be a good neighbour, help them with anything they need that plays to your strengths.

I think it’s lovely but also too much. And I do think her weight loss surgery is relevant inasmuch as she gets such pleasure & joy from baking & cooking but is obviously no longer able to eat it. And you’re kind of being expected to - I’d also feel bad throwing it away & not reciprocating. I’d also find a weekly contribution actually a bit intrusive. Not that she means it in this way & it is compared to other neighbourly issues not a bad problem to have!

She really would be better off contributing it to a food charity so no wastage & guaranteed grateful recipients but how do you go about suggesting this? I think the gift for Eid is a great idea.
There’s also the issue that if day you were dieting yourself or having to restrict food for any health reasons receiving a constant supply of possibly (delicious) but high fat /sugary foods quite difficult.