To be ashamed of becoming a cleaner

[Jigglywigglypuff]

I recently began a cleaning job, on a self-employed basis working for a larger company. For context, I am from a middle-class background; was married to my ex for 6 years and had 2 beautiful children. He became very abusive towards me after the second was born and I left him. Since then, I have not been in work due to having to care for youngest alone, with no-one to support me whatsoever. She is now settling into nursery and I began cleaning as the hours in this job were the only job I could find that worked around the hours that she is currently doing at nursery, as well as pick-up and drop-off times.

However, I have now gone from living this comfortable middle class life style to being at rock bottom with no job and no money. I am building my life up from the ground and feel ashamed to be a cleaner. I am cleaning houses of people in the area and already feel the way they look at me and treat me as a cleaner is just poor. Not that they need to be my nest friend, but a basic 'hello', would be nice. Sometimes there is no acknowledgement at all. Some of these people I know (of) from seeing in the park, shops, nirsery, etc. This, I can handle, though it is a bit shit.

What bothers me more than anything is to think what it will be like for my kids once they and their friends learn my job. They are not of such an age yet, but when they are I fear that they will face criticism and shame for it. I know I'm being a complete wally in worrying about this now, I just dread to think if I'm still doing this when my eldest starts school that this might eventually happen. Me and my friends used to discuss parents careers and so on, so I image they still would now.

Once both of my children are doing the same school hours, I plan to get a different job. I have experience in other fields and I am educated, but as explained, none of the roles I qualify for fit my hours.

I read recommendations online that suggest hiring a childminder for before/after nursery, but my kids would absolutely loathe that. They are very uncomfortable around people they don't know, and it took/is taking the longest time for them to settle at nursery even.

I just feel like an utter failure. I'm trying to build a better future for me and my kids, free from abuse. I just can't help but be a complete snob and think others are going to shame me, and eventually my children for working this job. I know this is the case as I feel it already from clients, as I have said. In the future I hope to be in a stable job with a steady income, completely independent. It is just entirely frustrating having to wait so long to achieve that.

Aibu?

Yes - no-one will judge you / who cares

No - people will judge you, but you have to do what is best for you and your family

No one is going to judge or criticise you more then you will do yourself

I love , love , love retail. Mum nagged nagged nagged me, into taking an office job with promotion opportunity - it near killed me

Since the subsequent breakdown , Ive worked in jobs that suit me, not the jobs Im qualified for and you know what, I really dont give a shit what others think of me

I support my family, I earn my money , Im not costing anyone anything so no one has any right to comment on me and my choices

Try and see that you are working to keep your kids , it doesnt matter what you are doing, you are showing them that no job is below them, if it keeps them from relying on benefits

You may find you love what you do and go one to make a successful business for yourself or you may move on to pastures new, but there is NO SHAME in working for a living

There are quite a few jobs that I would judge but cleaning is definitely not on the list. Cleaning provides an honest service for individuals or companies and a fair exchange of money to labour.

Chuggers who get people to sign up for charity direct debits without telling you that they get a huge of your donation. the hard sell people, whomever ran bright house or gambling shops or does websites enabling dodgy stuff or runs scams then I judge them. There are so many jobs and companies that aim to exploit people and cleaning is not that.

Thank you.

yeah I was taken back I thought they were going to ask for directions at first. 🤣

I’ll tell you something, I’ve never once looked at my cleaner and thought “that’s a poor persons job” because it’s bloody not! She’s worth her weight in gold and at £20 per hour, it’s not a bad little earner. Thing is, she doesn’t actually need to work. I didn’t know that when I employed her, but her husband is an investment banker and his bonus alone is way more than my salary. But she does it because she was bored of being a housewife.

Youve done amazing to find the motivation to get yourself into work. Please don’t think people look down at you, because I can imagine that they don’t - it’s most probably in your head or your own self esteem. You’re doing good OP, keep going!

Some cleaners charge a fucking fortune. You could be absolutely loaded soon if you build up your client base!

No judgment from me. I have always thought I’d quite enjoy cleaning. I like getting stuck in and I also like jobs where there is tangible results immediately (e.g., this was dirty, now it’s clean). I also think if you have the right clients it could be very rewarding to provide a helping service.

100% this. I work as a finance director, but wouldn’t hesitate to do what I needed to for my family. My mum was a cleaner, she worked her arse off to give us a nice life and I’m overwhelmingly proud of her.

This was me about 10 years ago. I used to run around like a headless chicken between cleaning jobs, turning up to parents evenings, school plays etc in my dusty uniform, horrified that all the other mums seemed so fresh and put together! But my top tip would be to pitch estate agents for end of tenancy cleans and source your own products, rather than working for one company or regular clients. I earned significantly more money doing this and could be more flexible to fit around my kids. My boys have seen me work my absolute arse off over the years as a lone parent and are immensely proud of me.Through real thriftiness, I'm now mortgage free, my boys are now teens and have a great work ethic and are both in full time work. You're setting a great example - well done you! x

You are worried about what your kids might think of you as a cleaner. Have you thought maybe they might think of you like this instead: you left an abusive man, putting them first and have fought to provide for them as a single mum. You are the best role model they could ask for 💕

I remember when I was a sahm with an abusive h, I started a small dog minding business.

Someone who I thought was a friend introduced me to our fitness group as her dog minder. I was pissed off - I knew she was a snooty cow and she loved this opportunity to try and make someone look small and herself as someone who had staff.

We both recognised it for what it was. I wish I had pulled myself together and said, yes, it was my business and if anyone wanted their dogs looking after them they should contact me. Except I was broken, ashamed, embarrassed and tired in front of all these wealthy, private school mothers. So I didn’t.

Now, I would be so impressed with my initiative.

Go for it, op. One day if you want it, you’ll own your own cleaning company and have employees.

I cannot bear any kind of work snobbery. It’s foul.

you are no way different than any other mum in the schoolgate. I am very educated but always have done NMW jobs in the UK. It has never bothered me seeing women with oversized houses or cars. As I wrote somewhere else, few of them come even close to the intellect, beauty and inner soul finery me and my own have. There you go, think like me

all you are not having is a man. And these days this is not a must. Everything else, you have it

Seriously the way you are talking about the job anyone would think you’ve gone on the game and become a prostitute!
you’re doing an honest days work and it’s bloody hard graft I do encourage you to join the Facebook group solo cleans with Helen young, women are doing extremely well at being cleaners and eating a very good living doing it, me included and I’m not ashamed one bit. My clients are the loveliest and don’t look down on me one bit and I have some very rich clients who are very appreciative and tell me so quite often I have a great relationship with them all, if your clients are treating you like shit or making you feel like that then get rid of them, that’s the beauty of the job you pick your clients and if they turn out awful people you move on from them

I love being a cleaner! Take great pride in making sure people's houses are sparkling and spotless. I absolutely love it. It's great fun and customers are grateful and friendly. I used to manage BICS training and qualifications as well as City and Guilds. It's a true profession and vocation. I love cleaning my own house too and I was a bit obsessive when I worked in a teaching role about the office, kitchen etc!

Here's to all us Lady Mucks.

Another vote for Solo Cleaners Support With Helen.

My cleaner is worth her weight in gold, I have so much respect for her. She built a business out of nothing after leaving an abusive relationship - she’s shown so much strength of character and is completely trustworthy. She makes my life so much easier and I would be poorer without her.

Anyone who looks down on someone doing a hard days work, who is building a future for themselves and their kids is an arsehole. I hope you get satisfaction and confidence in your new role, modelling a work ethic for your kids will pay dividends in their future. I think you’re incredible and wish you all the luck in the world.

I've worked as a cleaner, it's nothing to be ashamed of. If others want to judge you, let them. Who cares? You're working, earning money and providing for your family. That's something to be proud of, not ashamed.

I admire you for working and taking a job that fits round your responsibilities as a mum. I employ a cleaner and I certainly don’t see her as a lesser human being. We chat about family and life. I pay her to help me out. I really appreciate her help. I hope you are getting a good hourly rate for your hard work. A friend of mine who taught art in her home country worked as a cleaner when she came to live in the uk because of her language skills and lack of uk recognised qualifications. Work is work. One day your children will appreciate the sacrifices you made to keep money coming in. Sending you my best wishes XXX

I hear what you're saying and do understand. Firstly, well done on leaving an abusive relationship and rebuilding your life, it is so hard and freeing yourself and your child is the best thing you will ever do. I say this as a woman who is currently in an abusive relationship and completely broken, I wish I had an ounce of your strength. I wonder if the abuse ties into your feelings of inadequacy? Obviously I don't know your situation but I am in a relationship with someone middle class, whereas I am from a very humble background. He is very entitled and belittling of others and me (and I have two degrees, not a huge pay but a decent and respectable job). To him, status is everything and I feel very inadequate and belittled, I just wonder if you may have some of the same feelings?

You're working hard for you and your daughter. Every job is worthwhile (well I can't think of one that isn't!) and you're putting your daughter's needs first. It must be so hard starting again but you're free and things will get better, as you've said; you'll have more options once your child is older.

I think I pressed the wrong one / but you’re def not being unreasonable doing what you can for your family.
We have a cleaner, we always have a little chat when she arrives (I wfh), I thank her when she leaves. I def don’t look down on her, she has her health issues and we chat about them as they can affect her working hours etc. I expect this is why she is a cleaner as opposed to working in an office or whatever.

money is money and as long as it’s earned legally and is not morally questionable- who cares. You’re grafting and there’s not too many people who are willing to do that these days. Splitting with your partner and moving on in life is a massive achievement. How about looking ahead, cleaning with learning something new through a podcast or audio, be it history, politics, new language, your self esteem or learning towards a new career.
what’s not to love your getting paid to keep fit and learn!! Not every job offers that. Go girl!

I am cleaning houses of people in the area and already feel the way they look at me and treat me as a cleaner is just poor. Not that they need to be my nest friend, but a basic 'hello', would be nice. Sometimes there is no acknowledgement at all. Some of these people I know (of) from seeing in the park, shops, nirsery, etc. This, I can handle, though it is a bit shit.
Did these people say hello before you became a cleaner? If people in your area have suddenly start ignoring you because you have become a cleaner that would be shocking. Are the people who you are cleaning for not acknowledging you? Equally as shocking.

*edit that was a reply to OP not the poster I replied to.

Respect to you for getting your family out of a bad situation and for now working to support them.
as you say, once the DC are a bit older, you’ll have other opportunities . Please hold your head up and ignore unpleasant people.

Painfully condescending.

Hi OP, I voted yes because I too have done cleaning and I know it is often looked down on as a menial task. However, I worked for myself, gave my cleaning business a name, built up a good clientele and I made a good amount of money.
i did a lot of cleaning in elderly residential flats, I did a damn good job and soon had several ladies in the same building that I could do on the same day and they were lovely. I would avoid more ‘moneyed’ folk they are often snobby and rude.
Be proud of yourself not everyone can be organised and do a good job of cleaning.

I can't think of a better role model than you right now, to everyone and most importantly your children. Ignore anything negative, sod them. People like that are not worth knowing whatsoever and to be frank, judgemental people are the type of people everyone should look down their noses at, not hardworking fabulous mums.

I think people need to do the work that comes to hand. There is nothing to be ashamed of about cleaning. I'd be worried if you only charged minimum wage as the going rate is at least 20 per hour round my way. You provide a service, work for yourself when you want. You should be proud in providing for your family.

Our neighbour an elderly lady had a cleaner who came every day to walk the dogs, would have a quick tidy and a cup of tea. When the end was coming she organised a hospital bed, carers etc. the lady left her £20k in her will.

Another friend was given a car to use to run errands.

I'm really appalled at the attitude some people have towards someone who provides a good service.