Daughter’s head of year and tit for tat

[ThisNewCyanBiscuit]

My daughter has been struggling at school a while, we are in the UK she is in year 10. She is academically very bright but has ADHD and struggles in the loud busy environment of school and with her mental health. Currently looking at taking her out of school as I feel like I’m losing her.
I have been upfront with the school the whole way through and their support has been well limited at best. They always promise the right things but don’t actually act on it.
Last week my daughter was crying in class got sent to head of year and then the head of year sent her back to class while still crying. She went to the toilet on way back and had a panic attack and was in there for half an hour and no one knew she was missing, until a friend lunch break said she was to a teacher, I raised this a safeguarding complaint.
Fast forward to yesterday we had a meeting with the school and all seemed like we had reached an agreement on a plan for my daughter. There was me, my partner and 4 teachers in the room.
The head of year said she wanted to walk us out so we ended up walking out just one on one with her. To which point she said “daughter has a tik tok account which is public and it’s a safeguarding issue” using my words back at me in my complaint. She said it all smarmy and in a way that was definitely in retaliation to my complaint about her.
The thing is my daughter does have a TikTok which I do follow but it is anonymous, it has no picture on it, it has no last name on it, it has no location on it and she doesn’t post any videos so it’s not obvious in anyway it’s her apart from the first name. So how did the head of year come to find this tik tok and know it was my daughter? Also is it really her place to bring this up as a safeguarding issue? It’s the way she said it so smugly like she had one up on us. Also the legal age for tik tok is 13 and my daughter is 15. I have access to her phone and she’s a mature young trustworthy girl I know she doesn’t have another account apart from the one I know about.
It’s really annoyed me as it just felt very much aimed at me because of my safe guarding complaint.

It mustn’t be that anonymous if the HOY knows about it?

If you feel like the meeting was productive today, personally I’d no nothing but concentrate on moving forward positively for you daughter. You will never prove if what was said was in malice or kindness.

I assume it’s sensible for the account to be set to private.
imo you are reading too much into the comment. For your Dd to have a successful time at school it seems sensible for all parties: you, Dd and teachers to cooperate together to ensure Dd is happy and supported. This doesn’t work if you are looking for issues or sensing resentment.
I assume they have addressed the issue when they didn’t know your Dd was missing and have a plan to avoid a repeat of this incident?
If this is the case I would just thank them for the safeguarding comment about TikTok and move on.
edited for typo

That’s what I mean it is completely anonymous it could be anyone in the whole of the UK with my daughter’s name! No picture, no location nothing.
yes I do agree that because the meeting was positive I should just drop it. It just felt like such an underhand comment. Like she either wanted to stir trouble or she had been snooping herself.

Is it possible she has another account you're not aware of ?

But how could she know it was your daughter’s account if it’s completely anonymous? I don’t understand. Unless the account is either not as anonymous as you first thought, or not the only account? Maybe it’s worth ringing and asking her to expand on her comment. Not to incite further drama, just to be confident you’re not missing anything.

If it turns out it’s just this completely anonymous account just thank her for looking out for your daughter.

This was my thought too, are you sure the one you follow is her only account?

I think you need to email her. Tell her that since the meeting you've been reflecting on her comment on the way out, and are concerned.
Ask her what exactly is it about your DDs account that she feels is a safeguarding concern. That you have done your due diligence and are unaware of anything that meets this definition so please could she explain so you can address any issue of which you are currently unaware. Copy in the head.

Jeez - god forbid teachers should ever be allowed to...you know, teach and not have to deal with all this crap

Your daughter will have another account. You are being very naive. I am a teacher and the amount of parents who have no clue what their kids are doing on social media is scary. It's a head of year's job to know these things and other kids talk.
Obviously the HOY expected your DD to go straight back to class and I assume contacted the class teacher to inform
her - sometimes that class teacher doesn't see the message. That's the issue that needs raising.

I am almost 100% certain the HOY did not say anything in a smarmy way or in retaliation.

What? Do there job and actually safeguard the children?

There job? Where job???

The head of years in my daughters school don’t actually teach they are more of a pastoral role.

She definitely doesn’t have another account, like I say I have access to her phone and to the parenting kids360 app. I can see what apps my children have and what accounts are set up on them.

Id do this op.

And just wanted to say i can absolutely believe the teacher said it in a tit for tat way. IME some teachers can be as snide as some of the kids. Any adult can. And teachers are only human themselves at the end of the day.

"She said it all smarmy"
"She said it so smugly"

Honestly, grow up!

'Last week my daughter was crying in class got sent to head of year and then the head of year sent her back to class while still crying. She went to the toilet on way back and had a panic attack and was in there for half an hour and no one knew she was missing, until a friend lunch break said she was to a teacher, I raised this a safeguarding complaint.'

The HoY sounds like a nasty piece of work and the school sound useless. Her TikTok comment deliberately made to you in isolation was sly and actually quite disturbing. I would feel the need to safeguard my child from someone like that. I would speak to your daughter and see how she might feel about moving schools.

And how will this help..why copy in the head?
accounts set to public are a potential safeguarding issue.

That’s quite the jump…now the OP’s Dd needs safeguarding from the HOY?
bonkers!

Focus on your child ffs.

Well then, your DD's Tiktok clearly isn't as untraceable as you think it is.

It's called an opinion and a view on the OP's experience.

You can disagree but really you're bonkers if you can't understand that.

I am on it currently I have the log in. No picture, no videos, just first name, no location, it could be anyone in the Uk with that name!

I am hence why I’ve spent many hours in meetings with the school. And also why I complained about the head of year in the first place.

So is the HOY psychic, or something?

You haven't explained why your daughter was upset. Perhaps the Hoy thought there was no good reason why she should be out of class. Your daughter decided she didn't want to return so hid in toilets. She is 15. She knows she should not do this. You have cited Adhd and mental health but give no evidence about this. Perhaps the hoy feels you are making excuses for your daughter who doesn't want to do as she is told. Sorry to be harsh but this is probably how the hoy is thinking. I am surprised nothing is already in place for a child who really needs support.