Daughter’s head of year and tit for tat

[ThisNewCyanBiscuit]

My daughter has been struggling at school a while, we are in the UK she is in year 10. She is academically very bright but has ADHD and struggles in the loud busy environment of school and with her mental health. Currently looking at taking her out of school as I feel like I’m losing her.
I have been upfront with the school the whole way through and their support has been well limited at best. They always promise the right things but don’t actually act on it.
Last week my daughter was crying in class got sent to head of year and then the head of year sent her back to class while still crying. She went to the toilet on way back and had a panic attack and was in there for half an hour and no one knew she was missing, until a friend lunch break said she was to a teacher, I raised this a safeguarding complaint.
Fast forward to yesterday we had a meeting with the school and all seemed like we had reached an agreement on a plan for my daughter. There was me, my partner and 4 teachers in the room.
The head of year said she wanted to walk us out so we ended up walking out just one on one with her. To which point she said “daughter has a tik tok account which is public and it’s a safeguarding issue” using my words back at me in my complaint. She said it all smarmy and in a way that was definitely in retaliation to my complaint about her.
The thing is my daughter does have a TikTok which I do follow but it is anonymous, it has no picture on it, it has no last name on it, it has no location on it and she doesn’t post any videos so it’s not obvious in anyway it’s her apart from the first name. So how did the head of year come to find this tik tok and know it was my daughter? Also is it really her place to bring this up as a safeguarding issue? It’s the way she said it so smugly like she had one up on us. Also the legal age for tik tok is 13 and my daughter is 15. I have access to her phone and she’s a mature young trustworthy girl I know she doesn’t have another account apart from the one I know about.
It’s really annoyed me as it just felt very much aimed at me because of my safe guarding complaint.

If a child is marked as a flight risk then the child will be walked back to their lesson.

The school offered a process to support the child. If they can no longer do it they could simply say so and alternatives could be discussed

I suspect they see the panic attack as bunking off OP. The kids do it in school all the time. It’s the reason why most secondary schools have to lock the toilets during lesson time.

Re the tic tok account, why didn’t you challenge them at the time and say there’s no photo, no surname etc?

Agree, and if the HOY was concerned then it should have been raised in the meeting

also the number of teachers in that meeting sounds unnecessarily high.

some parents take an advocate into meetings like that as a support and so notes can be taken.

I have received an email from the schools about this today and the account that they said was my daughter. Is not! It’s a girl with the same in her year group!!

Then email back, thanking them for their concern and state that it’s not your DD’s account. Then you can focus on your Dd and her mental health.

Would you expect a 15 year old to need accompanying back to class? If you have / had a 15 year old, are / were you aware of their whereabouts every single minute?

Try to avoid point scoring and just focus on moving forward. Your daughter will be watching the way you are so hostile to school and this will be informing her reaction to it. Try to be more positive and focus on the resolution.
If you remove her from school now, statistically she is very likely to do much worse than she would if she sticks it out a bit longer and does her GCSEs there

So alls well then?!
Crikeyyyyyyy

Don’t say this. It is antagonistic, you need them to be feeling positive about your daughter.

Use the email to archive the agreements they have said they will put in place , mention the people who were present in the meeting by name so that there is a record. If you want to raise the tick tick issue then as another poster has said say thank you for the HOY s concern but you have discussed this with your dd and are happy that , with your supervision , she is using tick tick appropriately. End saying that you are feeling positive about the measures proposed and you are grateful for their professional concern,

A safeguarding issue because a YEAR 10 child choose to take some time in the bathroom and compose herself? Jesus, in Year 10 I was away over the park drinking white lightening and smoking as many cigs as I could get my hands on… how things change…

I'm really sorry your daughter is struggling, but I think you're getting a bit "can't see the wood for the trees" here. It's not a safeguarding issue for your daughter to be in the toilet for half an hour, whether she has PTSD or not, or is in there for a panic attack or not.

You and this teacher clearly don't like each other and rub each other the wrong way, it sounds like you're almost all the way to making your mind up to removing your daughter. I don't think there is any benefit to going back and forth on the tiktok issue, other than emailing her back and correcting that the account does not belong to your daughter so you're confident the matter is closed. And then deal with the actual issue.

Maybe she's got another phone you know about.

Sounds v much like a friend (or friends parent?) has told the teachers about this other tik tok acc, perhaps because they're concerned about the content? school obviously concerned enough to mention it and I presume therfore they've seen it?

Might be other things going on you're not aware of which might explain your daughter's anxiety or behaviour?

Its scary how much younger and unequipt some kids are now for the real world. Kids going to school in nappies. Teens being unable to follow basic instructions and instead of parents actually parenting they blame everyone else but themselves. Im getting really embarrassed to live in this country. No other country kids act like this. And up until about 10/20 years ago kids here didn't either.

This thread perfectly illustrates the extra time on top of teaching that teachers have to devote to admin. Sure, email the school back who will then have to acknowledge the email. Spending even more time on this issue.
And pp are right. No child with PTSD should be anywhere near tik tok.

^
Agree

OK! Deep breath

Separate the 2 issues, widely

Write formally and ask why the SEN plan was not followed in this instance and ask for a written understanding of the outcome of the meeting you were in and what will change going forward to avoid your DDs PTSD from becoming more of an issue for her, you and the school

THEN, almost as an aside, raise the issue about the TikTok account. Ask that any notes re this account be removed from any of your DDs records now that they know that they made a mistake, that they now know this account does not belong to your DD

Lastly, I know it's a pain but SM rules exist for a reason, for the individual and for the companies concerned. Is there another channel, more age appropriate that your DD could use instead of TikTok?

I’m sorry I don’t understand your question. My comment relates to the teachers being able to approach a parent to alert them of something concerning without backlash, not escorting a child back to class? I’d expect my 14 year old to do as she is told and get herself back to class in a timely manner.

Im glad the confusion is sorted for you OP.

Being parent nor teacher is an easy task.