Friend keeps asking me for a job - getting exhausting!

[fireandice26]

Hi,

I have a friend who wants to work at the company I work at. It's a VERY large company that we all know of. Her area of expertise isn't my field (so she would be in a completely different department).

She asked me every few weeks for a job - as if it is something I can magic up. It's not. It's REALLY not. Then upped it to nearly every time we spoke. Granted; it wasn't EVERY time we spoke - but that said; she would moan about her job and how much she needed a change and how she 'needed someone to help her...' so we would directly or indirectly get onto this topic.

She applied directly via the site and got rejected for three roles. No interview/chat. Just a direct 'no'. She now is looking for a job at another arm (but same parent company) and asked me to refer her. I simply cannot do this - (I'd have even less (than zero) 'pull' at the other arm of the company!!)

Before anyone points out the obvious; yes I have told her MULTIPLE times that getting a job isn't as simple as she thinks it is. She seems to think I can just pass on her CV to my bosses and she'd be moved to the top of the queue... and BAM... the role is hers!

I also told her to please stop asking me as it's making me really uncomfortable and damaging our friendship.

Last week, she brought it up again and upped the ante big time since she's now been let go from her current job. Whilst I get the urgency given the change in her circumstances; AIBU to just distance myself/ghost at this point?

Next time she asks could you flip it around and say “I’ve told you x amount of times I have no sway/contacts/influence, I’ve helped you with your cv, what else do you think I can possibly do?”

She’d been rejected 3 times, imagine she may be on a “do not bother to hire list” as she seems to be applying multiple times, potentially for unsuitable roles, so they probably won’t see her as a serious/desirable candidate now.

She’s best to brush up her linked in profile too and accept she needs to look elsewhere.

Friend I am not in Recruitment/HR of company X nor do I know anyone working in those Departments - Recruitment Policies are very strict in the company and if staff members approach Recruitment about them recruiting someone they know then that person will not be considered. I will not being having this discussion with you again. If you want a job at X apply on the website.

I would either stop replying or say something like ‘I would recommend registering with some recruitment agencies that have better knowledge than me in your field, sorry i can’t help more than that’

My MIL was like this, she eventually gave up after 4/5 months but it was exhausting, I just repeatedly told her that I’d given her name and that they’d be on the look out her CV, nothing more I could really do, I’m not in HR or a management role anymore, if she did get the role I’d probably never actually see her at work due to being in a different department.

You might have to just be blunt, or lie to get her to back off a bit. Tell her you’ve spoken to someone in HR about contacting her, leave it at that.

I'd get irritated with her and say "fgs I've already told you I can't get you a job. Why do you keep asking me?"

She might not realise its annoying you.

How old is she? This feels odd but I wasn't sure if she's young and naïve or more mature and not aware of how large organisations work or if she's just a bit clueless in general or maybe she's massively over estimated your power and position!

Either way, if you've said clearly that you haven't got any pull on recruitment (which it sounds like you've done), I don't know what else to suggest to get that message through to her!

As a friend, I would offer to read her CV and application and give some feedback but still with that message of it NOT BEING YOUR AREA OF RESPONSIBILITY! I've done this for friends who are returning to work after a career gap to care for young children, people applying for jobs in my sector, and for teenagers on their UCAS forms and personal statements who don't have parents who are able to help them. I'm not an HR expert but I have been involved in a fair bit of recruitment and interview processes and I'm good with words.

How much of a friend is she? A bestie or a casual acquaintance? That could make a difference for what you're able to support her with.

I do get that it's a frustrating position to be in for you.

I would just step right away. If it's a phone call, "i've said no already, bye" and hang up as soon as she starts. In person, same, but walk away.

Not a "friend", is she?

You could be brutal and say “They don’t want you, specifically you, so shush”.

She's obviously not your friend! She's only using you to gain access to a company she really wants to work at. The proof is that she's putting you under pressure each time you meet so to her so your friendship is entirely disposable for the chance of her possibly getting a dream job. So you should feel absolutely no guilt in ghosting this person completely.

"If you ask me about this again, I will stop seeing you. I've told you many times why I can't help you get a job at my company and asked you to stop pushing it, but you keep on and I've had enough. I'm sorry you lost your job and I hope you get another, but you need to go about it the right way like everyone else has to. Please do not ask me again."

If she flips out, fuck her, she's just using you. If she's embarrassed and apologises, fair enough, stay friends.

Just to caution on this - as someone who regularly hires, I (& my team) immediately reject applications I can tell have been written by AI. No matter how well a candidate thinks they’ve disguised it, it’s immediately obvious if ChatGPT has been used because the applications all read exactly the same.

Honestly? Yes, I'd probably stop engaging with her if she won't let up after you've told her clearly that you can't give her what she wants in terms of a job.

I'd feel that way regardless of the topic because I just don't have the patience for that. It makes you dread hearing from someone, and what's the point of a friendship if you can't stand being around them?

I haven’t had a friend ask me to get them a job but I have had a few people ask if I can get their children internships. Always a bit awkward because I no longer work at the sort of place that offers internships. I think some people think it is still 1986 and that I can ring an old colleague and get their child a well paid, interesting internship. Whereas if it is a large organisation, it is probably drummed into the staff that anyone applying has to use the standard process - and anyone trying to circumnavigate it will get nowhere.

Does this friend ever meet up with you and not ask a favour? A really big favour too. I had a couple of people like that and, once I noticed, couldn’t stop seeing it. If it is no longer fun to hang out with her then don’t.

I can’t imagine bothering a friend like this. I would stop answering her calls and texts. If she asks why, then spell it out.

My old company hired on staff recommendation, basic interview and then in. But we'd only take that recommendation from people we trusted and thought were good and who were really convinced the person they were recommended would be good.

I took it as meaning leaving the cafe/pub/restaurant not the job!

I would be doing everything I could to make sure she doesn't get a job in your company. If she does she'll be trying to sabotage you or get above you in some way.

I agree now!

I read it the same way as the poster too. Leave the place where they are meeting. It’s strange to think someone would suggest that OP leaves her job.

I would give her one last chance, lay it out very clearly:

I have told you multiple times I have no involvement in recruitment, there is absolutely nothing I can do to influence the chance of you getting a job. If I did have influence, it would be unethical to use it - I would have to declare an interest. But that’s irrelevant, because I have no influence.

So I’m asking you again, please stop bringing it up. You are destroying our friendship. If you ask me again, I will stop interacting with you, and that would be a real shame.

She's not getting the message, is she?

Next time she mentions this subject immediately put your fingers in your ears and shout, "La, la, la, la, la! Can't hear you! Can't hear you!"

Repeat as necessary.

Are you the 'friend'? 😆

It’s not strange at all. I took it that way because clearly ‘Leave the cafe/pub if she goes on about it’ makes a lot more sense as a proportionate piece of advice than ‘leave your job’. If something’s ambiguous, it’s not strange to assume its meaning is the least ridiculous of the possibilities.

Yes. She's pushed it so far that that she's being weird and overbrearing. She's likely using you mainly for your work contacts or other things she can use you for.

I wouldn't even give her another chance at this point - you've already tried to assert a boundary and she's ignored it. She's just pestering you at this point.

Yes, I got there eventually.