Friend keeps asking me for a job - getting exhausting!

[fireandice26]

Hi,

I have a friend who wants to work at the company I work at. It's a VERY large company that we all know of. Her area of expertise isn't my field (so she would be in a completely different department).

She asked me every few weeks for a job - as if it is something I can magic up. It's not. It's REALLY not. Then upped it to nearly every time we spoke. Granted; it wasn't EVERY time we spoke - but that said; she would moan about her job and how much she needed a change and how she 'needed someone to help her...' so we would directly or indirectly get onto this topic.

She applied directly via the site and got rejected for three roles. No interview/chat. Just a direct 'no'. She now is looking for a job at another arm (but same parent company) and asked me to refer her. I simply cannot do this - (I'd have even less (than zero) 'pull' at the other arm of the company!!)

Before anyone points out the obvious; yes I have told her MULTIPLE times that getting a job isn't as simple as she thinks it is. She seems to think I can just pass on her CV to my bosses and she'd be moved to the top of the queue... and BAM... the role is hers!

I also told her to please stop asking me as it's making me really uncomfortable and damaging our friendship.

Last week, she brought it up again and upped the ante big time since she's now been let go from her current job. Whilst I get the urgency given the change in her circumstances; AIBU to just distance myself/ghost at this point?

What does she say if you reiterate- “look Anna, I’ve asked you to stop this. I’ve done what I can but you’ve been rejected for 3 jobs at my company and there’s nothing more I can do. It’s not going to happen. If you can’t accept this it’s probably best if we take a break from seeing each other for a while.”

If you have already been blunt I would ask her (somewhat exasperatedly) what exactly she wants you to do given she has already been rejected and you have no contacts in HR. If she really thinks about it the options are ridiculous (phone HR and say "she's my friend" - really?).

The last time I asked her to stop; she did for a while (but you could argue that because I stepped back too) - but then started to indirectly hint that she was in need of a new job (at my workplace)... so it never really completely stopped.

Now given that she's been made redundant, she's not only gone back to her old wats, but is upping the ante. Whilst I appreciate now the pressure is really on, since we all need to work - it doesn't change the fact that I can't get her a job.

"Do you really think I'm going to recommend someone who simply doesn't listen?"

You could say to her that the fact she keeps asking you to find her a job indicates that she doesn’t understand the business, the sector or the process. Big firms want to see that applicants have done their homework and it’s obvious she hasn’t. Tell her that’s why she’s getting rejected.

I read that as leaving the friend where she is and walk away, not the OP leaving her job.

I also told her to please stop asking me as it's making me really uncomfortable and damaging our friendship.

If you feel you have clearly spelled this out, then it's time to step back if the badgering is continuing and doing your head in.

Be blunt and tell her to stop completely or you'll step back from the friendship.

Just tell her once and for all you wish you could give her or anyone a job but it's above your pay grade and you can't. So please stop asking about it! You don't have any control or influence over the recruitment for any department.

Tell her this and say if you keep bringing it up I will be inclined to not want to spend time with you. It's not fair to put pressure on me for something I simply cannot do.

If she then carries on I would avoid her. Definitely. Fingers crossed she does get a new job soon! And consequently shuts up.

I bet your place of work isn't so perfect and fantastic and neither is she as an employee anyway so if she did get a job there she'd probably still moan. I mean she's been let go from her other job. Presumably for a reason?

You’ve got to be blunt then for her own good- if she’s somehow thinking that you’re going to come up with something then she’s probably not putting the effort into other means.

I’d send her a message setting this out and say you think it’s best that you don’t discuss work or jobs for a while, but that you’re happy to help with other things. If she starts raising it just remind her that it’s a banned subject. But honestly it sounds as though she’s not in a great place and that you might not be the right person to support her through this to me.

The fact that you're asking if it's okay to ghost her at this point, means that you want the relationship to end. So just end the friendship and be done with it. Sometimes our brains just go 'nope I'm done' it's a bit like 'the ick' but for friendships. While ghosting isn't a super mature way to go about it, if you really don't gaf what she thinks then just do it.

I would tell her you aren’t the recruiter for the company. Then repeat like broken record.

'I have told you repeatedly I cannot do this and cannot in any way help you get a job in my company. The next time you mention this I am walking away from this friendship'. Then walk out. Honestly persistent fuckers like her piss me off.

Did you?! How strange.

I did too - tell her you're leaving (Costa or wherever) if she brings it up and then carry out the threat.

Leave the conversation!

Yes that’s how I read it.

Could she get her foot in the door on a temp contract? So find out which temp agencies your organisation uses and get her to join them?

Still no guarantees though.

Just shows how people can differ, I guess @ACynicalDad could come back and clarify if they wished.

Not really, people interpret things in different ways.

The next time she mentions it, say “Listen mate, I’m starting to think you’re only friends with me because you think I can help you get a job. I can’t. And if you don’t stop asking, I’m walking away from our friendship”. Then be prepared to stick to it. She sounds extremely annoying and very dense on how recruitment works!

It was a very short sentence saying the OP should leave her job. I wonder if @ACynicalDad would explain.

What is your honest opinion. Does she have the skills and attributes to do well in your company? Does she need some different experience first? Or does she have no hope?

If she does have the skills and attributes, I'd say to her "I'm really sorry you didn't get through the process - the job market is so tough right now, but I'm not able to influence the recruitment process and I just can't keep talking about it."

If she needs different experience first, I'd say "I'm really sorry you didn't get through the process. The job market is so tough right now. I think you need to try and get x experience because a lot of new recruits have got that."

If she doesn't have a hope, I'd say "I know you desperately want this, but I just can't help. I'd focus on just getting any job because it's easier to get a job if you're in a job."

Either way, she has to stop going on at you about it.

Are you the friend? Why on earth should she do this for someone who will not respect the word 'NO'.

You can spot BAD AI. People who just put vague instructions into ChatGPT can be spotted. But there are far more sophisticated AI bots out there, and you can even make ChatGPT do a better job if you train yourself on how to instruct it. Very soon, as people get more adept at using it, you won't be able to tell the difference at all.