Friend keeps asking me for a job - getting exhausting!

[fireandice26]

Hi,

I have a friend who wants to work at the company I work at. It's a VERY large company that we all know of. Her area of expertise isn't my field (so she would be in a completely different department).

She asked me every few weeks for a job - as if it is something I can magic up. It's not. It's REALLY not. Then upped it to nearly every time we spoke. Granted; it wasn't EVERY time we spoke - but that said; she would moan about her job and how much she needed a change and how she 'needed someone to help her...' so we would directly or indirectly get onto this topic.

She applied directly via the site and got rejected for three roles. No interview/chat. Just a direct 'no'. She now is looking for a job at another arm (but same parent company) and asked me to refer her. I simply cannot do this - (I'd have even less (than zero) 'pull' at the other arm of the company!!)

Before anyone points out the obvious; yes I have told her MULTIPLE times that getting a job isn't as simple as she thinks it is. She seems to think I can just pass on her CV to my bosses and she'd be moved to the top of the queue... and BAM... the role is hers!

I also told her to please stop asking me as it's making me really uncomfortable and damaging our friendship.

Last week, she brought it up again and upped the ante big time since she's now been let go from her current job. Whilst I get the urgency given the change in her circumstances; AIBU to just distance myself/ghost at this point?

I feel a bit sorry for her. She sounds desperate and has no ability to reflect and consider other explanations. She doesn't understand the recruitment process and doesn't see that she doesn't understand. But that doesn't make it any less annoying or acceptable to place the responsibility at your feet. Her understanding of support is giving her exactly what she wants. There's no helping some people.

Be blunt tell her knowing you isn't going to give any advantage you have offered help by looking at her CV she has been told no.
You are being harrassed by her it's effecting you that she won't respect your boundaries.
I'd distance myself now and tell her straight she is now causing you stress.. no sorrys or anything her desperation has ruined your friendship.
This is no fault of yours .

A friend and I were both made redundant in 2024 when our steel plant was shut down. Another friend of his got him with a housing association job dealing with anti social behaviour which I never felt he'd be cut out for because he's quite emotionally fragile. I went to work for a h&s consultancy as that's my line of work. He's had a pretty miserable time in his job, he did ask me once if there was anything going in the H&S helpdesk team I work in and there wasn't, there might be soon but I won't be telling him that. He's had breakdowns in his current job, been off with stress twice! He wasn't the easiest on the steel plant either, he didn't get on with many people and often used to threaten to go off with stress. Thing is we are also both 46, I've been in my profession for 16 years and he still doesn't know what he wants to do for a living because he gets bored of things and drifts into wanting to do something else. I couldn't honestly vouch for him if anything came up at my place.

You'd be totally fair to part ways.

It really doesn't. Employers can spot them a mile away and it doesn't reflect well on candidates.

YANBU. I had issues with this when I worked for a recruitment agency. People I knew insisting on sending me their CVs and an unemployed friend getting arsy when I said I was unable to help. They didn’t seem to grasp that the agency I worked for was for a specific sector and that the clients were paying us huge fees to headhunt candidates with specific experience and that it wasn’t just a generic free for all where you could get just anyone a job. It’s frustrating.

Your friend gets worse with every update. She sounds exhausting and entitled. Unless she is in other respects absolutely lovely and maybe saved your life and paid off your mortgage I'd not want to be friends anymore.

Great. Then you'll know that several people had already asked the same question and OP has already answered it more than once.

You are the OPs bouncer on this thread?

Why are you deflecting?

Good question. Why do people say they've read the thread then ask something that was answered two days ago on page one?

Tell her that you referring her is like to put her to the bottom of the pile not the top as you are not in the same area and they dont look kindly on referrals where there is no issue attracting candidates. If you repeatedly referred a candidate to me they would be in the bin very quickly.

Hi OP, my employer (large FTSE company) actively seeks employee recommendations and even offers financial rewards if the referral results in a job offer. My previous employer also encouraged recommendations but didn’t offer a reward. Finding good team members is expensive and time consuming and difficult. My view would be that by endorsing her to your HR and sending in her CV is helpful for everyone. Not sure why you wouldn’t try and help all parties. If she’s not up tto the job though I completely understand your challenge.

OP has said that's not how her company works. The so called friend has ignored her requests to stop asking and is now engaging in harassment. And she's already applied 3 times.

Do you think a person who ignores boundaries and harasses someone when they don't get their way would be an asset to any company?

Her behaviour is entitled and awful.

@Sally20099 As per PPs, no - in my arm of the Co, they don't offer that. She is not even applying for a role in my arm of the Co - she's applying for another subsidiary. I helped her with CV advice even though we aren't in the same field, passed on her CV before to a hiring manager. I've spoken to multiple colleagues about where to point her etc...

She applied 3 times and got rejected each time. She didn't make it to even the early interview stages. It was a flat out 'no'. Her issue isn't that she wants 'help' from me - which would be totally fine (and something I've done multiple times), it's that she wants a job OFFER. Her implication is that the only reason she doesn't have a job offer (not even an interview, mind you!) is that it must be my fault - and that I'm not trying hard enough. When she did apply (3 times in a short period of time for three different roles) - as I said - she got rejected - which frankly means there are people better suited/more qualified for the job. Plain and simple.

Saying: "Not sure why you wouldn’t try and help all parties" is simply not true. Please see PPs for the update(s).

Ur not really a friend are you, she’s jobless at the moment

I can only conclude you are trying to be deliberately inflammatory... and clearly have not RTFT.

Oh dear...🙄

Ur not really a reader are you?

If your solution to wanting to get a job in a particular sector/industry is to expect someone else to make it happen for you… it’s never going to happen.

I have worked in sectors where it’s possible to recommend people for vacancies, and others where you it would have been completely impossible. I don’t know why people are finding this so difficult to understand

OP you might be doing this person the biggest favour you can by removing yourself from her sphere; if she really wants it, she will have to put in the leg work, reflect on why she is not getting selected for interview, and adjust accordingly (Although, as she seems to think you personally are responsible for the recruitment of everyone who works in your company, the signs point to her most likely blaming you for her not getting any future job she applies for too!)

You don’t need her brand of friendship either, she sounds like a completely entitled nightmare!

Go away

Yeah, op, you shit friend you, you should give her YOUR job! Ring her up and tell her to go in on monday in your place.

Hope your hangover is a doozy 😂

Lol.

Sligtly similar stuation lol!! I have Shoes provided for my work." 'Friends' son has to buy a pair for his job. They think I can just lift a pair of expensive shoes for him. Sick hearing it and absolutely not happening either!!

Where’d you get that from??

The OP is seeing this person regularly, so clearly likes them, but the person won’t stop going on about the OP ‘getting them a job’ which she CANNOT DO!