Friend keeps asking me for a job - getting exhausting!

[fireandice26]

Hi,

I have a friend who wants to work at the company I work at. It's a VERY large company that we all know of. Her area of expertise isn't my field (so she would be in a completely different department).

She asked me every few weeks for a job - as if it is something I can magic up. It's not. It's REALLY not. Then upped it to nearly every time we spoke. Granted; it wasn't EVERY time we spoke - but that said; she would moan about her job and how much she needed a change and how she 'needed someone to help her...' so we would directly or indirectly get onto this topic.

She applied directly via the site and got rejected for three roles. No interview/chat. Just a direct 'no'. She now is looking for a job at another arm (but same parent company) and asked me to refer her. I simply cannot do this - (I'd have even less (than zero) 'pull' at the other arm of the company!!)

Before anyone points out the obvious; yes I have told her MULTIPLE times that getting a job isn't as simple as she thinks it is. She seems to think I can just pass on her CV to my bosses and she'd be moved to the top of the queue... and BAM... the role is hers!

I also told her to please stop asking me as it's making me really uncomfortable and damaging our friendship.

Last week, she brought it up again and upped the ante big time since she's now been let go from her current job. Whilst I get the urgency given the change in her circumstances; AIBU to just distance myself/ghost at this point?

That’s so difficult. But what more can you do? Even if there were roles within your team you’d be removed from any recruitment due to a conflict of interest.
Sympathies - I have many friends I love dearly but I would hate to work with them, and it would affect my professional credibility to recommend them!

This.

You need to be firmer with her. Say 'seriously are you thick or something? This is Nat West / M&S / Churchill Insurance we are talking about, not my husband's plumbing firm with six employees. I can't just magic up a space for you.

I don't even know anyone in HR and even if I did I would have absolutely no sway whatsoever. You have to apply via their website and go through to normal process like everyone else on the planet. I don't have special insight into when a suitable vacancy might be coming up. Please just stop mentioning it because it's starting to make me want to avoid being with you.

Have you ever bluntly spelled it out to her? As in, I cannot get you a job, I don't have that power, this is not going to change because you keep asking and I have no idea why you keep bringing it up. You mention saying it's not simple and makes you uncomfortable, but neither of those things necessarily spell out in black and white that you just cannot do it.

I have. I have said that we don't do referrals, that I have no swaying power and that her best bet is to apply directly as I have no contacts in the recruitment department/HR. She did apply directly, but got rejected at the outset - so I think that's what made her double down and keep asking me to 'try'. That's when I asked her to stop asking me and said that it was making me really uncomfortable/damaging the friendship.

Why was she ‘let go’ from her job?

Ask her outright if she wants to lose this friendship. Say that you have already made it crystal clear that you cannot help her to get a job with your company and the fact that she keeps asking means that you will have to let your friendship go as it is clear she has no respect for you whatsoever to keep asking for the impossible.

She simply said she was made redundant and on garden leave. Her Co said her role was being phased out.

You've done and said the right things, fireandice26, so I guess it's now time for "We've already talked about this haven't we?" and a cool stare next time she asks

If the "Yes buts ..." start you could just go on repeating it, and if even that doesn't work you may have to reconsider contact

She’s obviously desperate and sees you as her solution. You’ll have to be firm and tell her to stop as it’s going to ruin your friendship.

Even if you could refer your friend, I wouldn't! In my experience unless you've worked with someone closely, then you don't know what their work style/ethic actually is. Simply being a 'friend', isn't enough in my book, to warrant a referral for a job. Someone can be lovely, great personality and be a great friend, but have the work ethic of a sloth, poor attitude and constant sickness!!!

You've repeatedly told your friend, and she's ignored you. I would try one last time... Sarah, I have repeatedly told you that I can't help you secure a job where I work. You have to apply for roles in the same way as everyone else. I have no influence or input in recruitment for any role. Please stop asking me'. If she still takes no notice. Step back from the friendship and stop replying to messages or at the very least ignoring the 'please get me a job parts', of them.

I'd tell her you're leaving if it comes up and then leave.

Just say you asked HR about roles she has to deal with them direct. God op hate people like this!! Very pushy)

I had a cousin like this. Wanted to get into the same field as my sister. Forever begging to copy her CV, and asking me to ask her to get her a job. It's so annoying and boring. Even back then (mid 2000s) my sister had absolutely no sway, despite being senior.

We just started to ignore her eventually. Telling her we couldn't help made absolutely no difference, so we blanked her when she asked. Totally stayed friends and talked about everything else. But, we would stay silent when it came to the job begging. It's so annoying, you have my sympathy.

Ok so you've told her all the things you've been advised to say already. There is nothing else for it but to drop her and if she asks, tell her why. She's being a drain on you mentally and emotionally and not respecting your boundaries. She sounds like she has issues to be honest.

Just cut her off straight away every time she starts, and do it bluntly.

“Please don’t start talking about your job hunt again, I’ve already said there’s nothing more I can do to help you. Let’s change the subject.”

You think the OP should leave her job?

Lots of companies do have a referral process so maybe that's what she is fixating on. At mine, you get £3k if someone you've referred gets a job so it's a win-win situation.

It's that's not the case for you, I think you've done everything you can.

People who won't take no for an answer need telling directly & firmly.
Nicely Nicely doesn't cut it.

"I can't help you get a job where I work. I’ve already said I’m not able to help with that but you seem to think i'm either lying or avoiding it, i'm doing neither - i have no say in the recruitment department. This is starting to grate on my now so please do not ask me again"

If it was me and it was brought up again I would say something like

' For the very last time I cannot help you get a job, so please stop asking. I say for the last time, because if you ask again and we are out I shall simply end the evening/afternoon as you obviously don't have any respect for my wishes and boundaries'.

If it's a Whatsapp I would be even blunter ' I'm sorry but this is now annoying and disrespectful, if you keep asking me about this I think we will have to stop communicating and have some distance as it's making me anxious and I shouldn't be feeling like this ' .

It sounds mean but since you've already explained yourself to her, I'd just laugh whenever she brings it up.

"Hahaha yes, I wish I could just get you a job- if only I had that much power! Unfortunately you'll have to apply like everyone else. Anyway, what are you up to at the weekend?"

If you openly treat her request as ridiculous hopefully she'll get the point quicker. If she keeps pushing, just keep laughing at the absurdity of it... she'll either fall out with you or realise she's being daft. Either way, she'll stop asking.

Just ask her to consider taking in ironing. There’s no other solution!

Ask her what she thinks you can do. When she hears herself saying out loud what you thinks you can actually do for her, she may realise she is sounding daft. Or if she lists of points shes wrong about, you can correct her. Say you’re flattered she thinks so important but if that were the case you’d have got her a job ages ago but sadly no can do.

What she*

Yeah I’d just make up excuses not to see her. Is she really such good company that you’re prepared to put up with this?

(Yikes, sorry about all the typos- the app keeps being really glitchy for me!)