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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend keeps asking me for a job - getting exhausting!

276 replies

fireandice26 · 04/03/2026 10:12

Hi,

I have a friend who wants to work at the company I work at. It's a VERY large company that we all know of. Her area of expertise isn't my field (so she would be in a completely different department).

She asked me every few weeks for a job - as if it is something I can magic up. It's not. It's REALLY not. Then upped it to nearly every time we spoke. Granted; it wasn't EVERY time we spoke - but that said; she would moan about her job and how much she needed a change and how she 'needed someone to help her...' so we would directly or indirectly get onto this topic.

She applied directly via the site and got rejected for three roles. No interview/chat. Just a direct 'no'. She now is looking for a job at another arm (but same parent company) and asked me to refer her. I simply cannot do this - (I'd have even less (than zero) 'pull' at the other arm of the company!!)

Before anyone points out the obvious; yes I have told her MULTIPLE times that getting a job isn't as simple as she thinks it is. She seems to think I can just pass on her CV to my bosses and she'd be moved to the top of the queue... and BAM... the role is hers!

I also told her to please stop asking me as it's making me really uncomfortable and damaging our friendship.

Last week, she brought it up again and upped the ante big time since she's now been let go from her current job. Whilst I get the urgency given the change in her circumstances; AIBU to just distance myself/ghost at this point?

OP posts:
keepincool · 04/03/2026 15:32

Anonanonanonagain · 04/03/2026 12:19

Are you the friend? Why on earth should she do this for someone who will not respect the word 'NO'.

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Oh bog off with your snidey comment - if I were the friend I would be joining agencies in order to get work and if I was so desperate to work at a particular place I'd try and find out which agencies they use for temps.

twilightcafe · 04/03/2026 15:35

Block and ghost.
Sounds like the only way to protect your peace.

MajorProcrastination · 04/03/2026 15:39

HeadDeskHeadDesk · 04/03/2026 13:54

Another one here who can spot an AI job application a mile off. I recruited recently for a pretty basic, unskilled role and considering barely a single candidate could count an English GCSE at any grade to their name and not much meaningful work experience either, the covering letters and CVs were all remarkably articulately worded and professional sounding. Mostly a lot of wordy waffle talking about nothing in particular.

The covering letters and the descriptions of any previous work experience all parroted back to me the exact same phrases and skill requirements verbatim that had appeared in the job ad. They'd clearly copy and pasted the ad into Chat GPT and said 'write me an application for this.' The resulting applications consisted of the job advertisement in regurgitated form, sometimes with whole identical sentences lifted and plopped in. 🙄I know I wasn't recruiting for the role of Einstein, but I expected them to at least read it back and tweak the results to make it a bit less obvious. It doesn't bode well for someone's levels of initiative and common sense, frankly.

Mind you, I suppose if employers think it's okay to use AI to carry out mass screening of candidates then they can hardly complain if the candidates use AI to apply in the first place. Double standards really.

It's so frustrating isn't it?! I've had one which hadn't even deleted the Chat GPT bit from the bottom where they'd copied and pasted. Also, they'd said lots of right stuff about the area of work but NOTHING about the company and job. e.g. lots about why the environment's important but nothing about the organisation or specific area of sustainability.

I find it with letters and emails from parents and members of the public too - they're just so verbose but they don't actually say the thing they're trying to communication very clearly. Maddening!

TheQueenOfTheNight · 04/03/2026 15:44

If you want to keep her as a friend, ask more questions: what do you think I can do, why do you think that, how would that work? Rather than being in the position where you're explaining yourself, put her in that position.

Or just tell her it's too much and if anything comes up, you'll let her know, but to stop asking the same thing.

LoveWine123 · 04/03/2026 15:45

Tigerbalmshark · 04/03/2026 14:54

Even if I liked somebody originally, I‘d go off them pretty rapidly if they spent all of our time together pestering me to get them a job.

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Indeed!

raspberets · 04/03/2026 15:45

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Original poster
fireandice26 · 04/03/2026 15:46

This reply has been deleted

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Wow.

OP posts:
raspberets · 04/03/2026 15:47

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster
fireandice26 · 04/03/2026 15:51

MajorProcrastination · 04/03/2026 15:39

It's so frustrating isn't it?! I've had one which hadn't even deleted the Chat GPT bit from the bottom where they'd copied and pasted. Also, they'd said lots of right stuff about the area of work but NOTHING about the company and job. e.g. lots about why the environment's important but nothing about the organisation or specific area of sustainability.

I find it with letters and emails from parents and members of the public too - they're just so verbose but they don't actually say the thing they're trying to communication very clearly. Maddening!

Show quote history

Oh I hear that! Lots of words... and saying a whole lot of nothing at the same time.

OP posts:
Original poster
fireandice26 · 04/03/2026 15:54

TheQueenOfTheNight · 04/03/2026 15:44

If you want to keep her as a friend, ask more questions: what do you think I can do, why do you think that, how would that work? Rather than being in the position where you're explaining yourself, put her in that position.

Or just tell her it's too much and if anything comes up, you'll let her know, but to stop asking the same thing.

Edited

She turns it into jokes - but jokes that aren't really jokes. Such as: 'Just put my CV on your CEO's desk!' or 'Don't you know people?!' or 'Why is it so hard to work there?' or 'Can't you speak to someone directly?'

So in the end; I had to ask her to stop asking as it was grating on me.

OP posts:
Moonnstarz · 04/03/2026 15:58

fireandice26 · 04/03/2026 15:30

So it's my fault?

She's not getting the jobs. Simple as that. I can't tailor her CV with any untruths to 'make' her the perfect candidate - especially given she wants a referral.

She's simply not qualified enough to get the roles - that's the nature of job hunting - especially within the field we're referring to. There are thousands that apply to any one given role. She's applied for three different roles (within my arm of the Co) and has been rejected each time. She's now applying to another arm (where the threshold is different - but where I don't know anyone). Also, I don't feel it's appropriate to go to someone I don't know there and ask them to 'have a look' and refer someone.

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Have you told her she isn't qualified for the roles she is applying for?
Maybe you need to be really blunt and tell her thousands of people are applying for jobs at the moment and they have relevant qualifications she doesn't have therefore she needs to look elsewhere for companies where her skills are required.
It doesn't sound like she is adapting her CV or covering letter so maybe suggest that to her for advice going forward.

C152 · 04/03/2026 15:59

It's sounds like she's annoyed you so much that you wouldn't help her if you could. She should respect your wishes not to discuss the matter, but I do feel for her, especially as it really is who you know that can often help you get your foot in the door. Do you not have a HR BP or even a generic HR email address you can send her CV to and say, 'I have a friend who's really keen to work at the co ec., etc'? (I have done that for someone in the past, and had a different friend do it for me. There's still no guarantee of an interview and a job, of course, but it's a kindness that can mean a lot to the individual looking for the job.) Then you can tell her you've done all you can.

Original poster
fireandice26 · 04/03/2026 16:02

C152 · 04/03/2026 15:59

It's sounds like she's annoyed you so much that you wouldn't help her if you could. She should respect your wishes not to discuss the matter, but I do feel for her, especially as it really is who you know that can often help you get your foot in the door. Do you not have a HR BP or even a generic HR email address you can send her CV to and say, 'I have a friend who's really keen to work at the co ec., etc'? (I have done that for someone in the past, and had a different friend do it for me. There's still no guarantee of an interview and a job, of course, but it's a kindness that can mean a lot to the individual looking for the job.) Then you can tell her you've done all you can.

I've done all of that already to the point of it becoming embarrassing now. She doesn't make it past Stage 1 - given the competition/bar. It's not a lack of anything from my side. But she thinks if I 'keep asking' and 'keep pushing' the Co will eventually hire her.

Thus, in her eyes - she thinks it's up to me to get her a job/fix the fact that she's not getting even a call back.

OP posts:
Lovingbooks · 04/03/2026 16:06

Just be really clear that your work only recruits via official channels. If you don’t want to get too involved direct them to national careers or the job centre.

Original poster
fireandice26 · 04/03/2026 16:08

Moonnstarz · 04/03/2026 15:58

Have you told her she isn't qualified for the roles she is applying for?
Maybe you need to be really blunt and tell her thousands of people are applying for jobs at the moment and they have relevant qualifications she doesn't have therefore she needs to look elsewhere for companies where her skills are required.
It doesn't sound like she is adapting her CV or covering letter so maybe suggest that to her for advice going forward.

Show quote history

I have been totally honest/upfront. I also advised her with her CV. It's that there are hundreds (even thousands) of applicants for each role. No, that's not a lie. So she's up against people that are more qualified than she is - with more evidenced work etc... She believes she is qualified - and that it must be my lack of trying/pushing that is the reason she doesn't have a job offer at her feet.

OP posts:
WhatNextImScared · 04/03/2026 16:10

I would repeat the request firmly to stop bringing this up and say that it is damaging your friendship. If she brings it up again break contact for a significant period of time. (Ideally until she gets a different new job)

WhatNextImScared · 04/03/2026 16:11

Based on your last update - can you show her the LinkedIn profiles of people who DID recently get jobs in the area she wants to work in to demonstrate that she simply isn’t in the top percentage of applicants??

CruCru · 04/03/2026 16:22

beAsensible1 · 04/03/2026 13:44

i mean most friends will do a referral for a mate if they can. And you usually get a bonus

I’ve never worked anywhere that paid a bonus for recommending a successful candidate. However if the OP works for Goldman Sachs or similar and they offer a bonus, it would probably be a fair whack.

C152 · 04/03/2026 16:28

fireandice26 · 04/03/2026 16:02

I've done all of that already to the point of it becoming embarrassing now. She doesn't make it past Stage 1 - given the competition/bar. It's not a lack of anything from my side. But she thinks if I 'keep asking' and 'keep pushing' the Co will eventually hire her.

Thus, in her eyes - she thinks it's up to me to get her a job/fix the fact that she's not getting even a call back.

Edited
Show quote history

Oh dear. In that case, I think the time has come to be direct, every time she raises it, "look Jane, I understand it's really stressful looking for work, but I can't help you." Then carry on with whatever you've met up to do. If you can bear it, it may be worth saying that, if a co has turned her down 3 times, it's not a good match and she should focus her energies elsewhere.

PickledElectricity · 04/03/2026 16:31

God what an exhausting woman. I would definitely cool contact for a bit and not be available.

Moonnstarz · 04/03/2026 16:31

fireandice26 · 04/03/2026 16:08

I have been totally honest/upfront. I also advised her with her CV. It's that there are hundreds (even thousands) of applicants for each role. No, that's not a lie. So she's up against people that are more qualified than she is - with more evidenced work etc... She believes she is qualified - and that it must be my lack of trying/pushing that is the reason she doesn't have a job offer at her feet.

Edited
Show quote history

I think I would be ending the friendship. I would explain to her that you feel sad that every time you meet she continues to ask you about getting her a job and has ignored your feedback that she isn't qualified for these roles and even if she was then she would have to beat 100s of others to get the job. Explain you feel that meeting her is stressful because she cannot accept the feedback you have given her and because of this you no longer want to meet up.

Woodfiresareamazing · 04/03/2026 16:32

fireandice26 · 04/03/2026 16:08

I have been totally honest/upfront. I also advised her with her CV. It's that there are hundreds (even thousands) of applicants for each role. No, that's not a lie. So she's up against people that are more qualified than she is - with more evidenced work etc... She believes she is qualified - and that it must be my lack of trying/pushing that is the reason she doesn't have a job offer at her feet.

Edited
Show quote history

I think you have done everything you could do to help her.

Having worked in HR, she clearly is not meeting the recruitment criteria for the roles for which she is applying. That's why she's not even being interviewed.

The bigger the company, the less flexibility there is in recruitment policies and procedures, generally speaking.

I would either message her or tell her in person that there really isn't anything else you can do for her re getting hired by the company you work for. And that if she continues to badger you or make jokey comments about what she thinks you should do re her CV, you will hang up or walk away.

And then just step back from the friendship.

Sensiblesal · 04/03/2026 16:49

Most large companies will usually give you a bonus for recommending staff. Generally your recommendation is that they would be a good employee can be trusted etc &. So would actually help them get an interview. But then you should only do this if you can trust the peraon is reliable/can do the job etc

Is this person actually good at their job & capable.
are they actually a friend or just an ex colleague/acquaintance?

if they are an actual friend, I don’t understand why you wouldn’t at least recommend them esp given they have lost their job! An ex colleague/acquaintance i would be more wary of doing so

Augustus40 · 04/03/2026 16:51

DwayneDibleysTeeth · 04/03/2026 13:33

It doesn’t when 14 job applications land on your desk, each one worded practically identically (some of them actual were identical!). It looks really bad and very lazy - very few bother to 'make it their own' after they've generated it via AI for a start... and then there's the Americanisms in the spelling, which again show non one's cared enough to check it properly before sending it in in.

I actually think AI should be banned from use in job applications it's got that bad.

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Oh ok. I was listening to something about jobs on radio 4 the other day. Perhaps that was why the person on the programme could not find a job!

BauhausOfEliott · 04/03/2026 17:13

Sensiblesal · 04/03/2026 16:49

Most large companies will usually give you a bonus for recommending staff. Generally your recommendation is that they would be a good employee can be trusted etc &. So would actually help them get an interview. But then you should only do this if you can trust the peraon is reliable/can do the job etc

Is this person actually good at their job & capable.
are they actually a friend or just an ex colleague/acquaintance?

if they are an actual friend, I don’t understand why you wouldn’t at least recommend them esp given they have lost their job! An ex colleague/acquaintance i would be more wary of doing so

Have you actually read anything that the OP has said?

For example, the bits where she has explained multiple times that what you're suggesting isn't applicable to her workplace or role?