Late 40s / Early 50s - Is This What You Expected?

[Dreamsofanidiotmaybenot]

If you are between your late forties and early fifties, where do you feel you are in life right now?
Is this what you expected when you were younger, or completely different?
Do you feel young and full of energy, or more tired than you thought you would be at this stage?
Do you have friends who have already retired in their fifties? How are they experiencing this period?
Genuinely curious to hear real experiences.

Welcome to the third age of life, OP! We enter the hag phase, all being well. Life changes.

Some of it better, some of it worse.

I’ve always had insomnia, I think it’s hereditary but 25 years of shift work hasn’t helped. HRT has been amazing, much better than any antidepressant I have been prescribed over the years - it has really calmed my inner critic/ loud brain. I am definitely less tolerant of peoples shitty behaviour now but that is pretty awesome. Aches and pains come and go but I like this phase of life.

I'm 46 so at the start of this range... on the whole, having read most of the replies, not hugely looking forward to the next 5-10 years! It's quite frightening reading about everyone's experiences, although of course there are some positive ones too.

Life isn't perfect for me - I don't enjoy getting older physically and having to make much more effort to stay reasonably slim, when I've been naturally so all my life, and I definitely have times when I get a lot of brain fog and general fatigue. On the whole, though, I still feel pretty young. I got divorced three years ago and am now engaged again to a lovely man, so perhaps I've had a new lease of life there. Have a teenage daughter who isn't currently causing too much trouble (!), a decent career and some other irons in the fire. But it sounds like I should come back in a few years!...

I hit a real low at 53, felt a failure at everything, pension rubbish etc. HRT changed my life, or rather it changed my mentality. I feel positive, I enjoy my job, no plans to retire until I’m 65. Enjoy my life, take care of myself and value small things, a good book, a nice meal, a long walk and time with my family.

Late 40s I’m very lucky in that I have two lovely kids lovely home that’s paid for, job that’s stable and investments for the future which will help provide an additional financial lifeline to the state pension (assuming that’s still available in the future). I prefer the simple things in life anyway so I could weather that storm. I also have three strong friendship groups that give me lots of fun and things to look forward to. But I’m peri and things are starting to happen that have made me realise I’m not young forever (finding white hairs, jowls developing, dry eyes etc). But most notably the death of family members has caused me to change. I now have a palpable sense of my mortality and am a bit more somber these days about life, its meaning and its fleetingness. The lightness I enjoyed in my youth has faded.

A good few months. I stopped taking it as it wasn't making me feel any different, and I felt exactly the same.

I replied earlier,about my weight loss .
But I swim every day except Saturday..I'm up at 7 am every morning and in the pool by 7.30 ..I've been doing that routine for years .
It definitely helps ..I've also just gone on some medication for my bladder as I was weeing all the time .not wetting myself,just needing a wee every 45 mins to an hour ..now I'm on medication to stop that it's like I've a 20 year old bladder,not a 53 year old one .
And spring is coming and I can't wait to wear shorts for the first time in my life .I'm excited for the future.
.I'm in my prime and menopause anxiety can fuck of

I'm nearly 50yo and feel OK ish. Maybe my energy levels aren't what they were but they're not terrible. I keep dabbling with HRT but am not keen so don't take it. I put weight on with it. I don't have any menopause symptoms apart from possible lower energy.

I do have some aches and pains but don't think it's menopause related. Currently have a frozen shoulder which is why I tried HRT again recently but it didn't help. I do have a bad back but always have done and have a non age related reason for that.

I still get down the gym a few times a week, have a full time fairly demanding job. DC are grown and left home. I don't go running/cycling like I used to and feel I ought to get back into that.

Thank you x
I do my best to still find the joy in life. Just every now and then it catches me.

Work helps a lot and working with young people is amazing and takes focus. And my manager is supportive.
im planning on getting the death in service too as I’m worth more dead than alive 😂

I forgot to say ,I'm a long term vegan of years and years ,I eat a lot of tofu and veg and never touch fried fatty foods or cake or junk food .I eat very clean and drink water .plus I take vitamins regularly,high strength ones ..we are all deficant in vitamin d in the UK apparently..and it helps with your mood

One thing that all my early fifties friends have witnessed, and has caught us by surprise is the declining health of our parents.

Most turn fifty with both parents still alive, but by mid fifties or sixty, their parent’s health has declined, or they have possibly passed away. Also, you become responsible for them in a way you didn’t envisage - sorting out prescriptions, mobility aids, shopping etc.

Anyone reading this, make the most of the short few years when neither you dc or parents are reliant on you.

I can give you a glossed over, positive spin on the position I'm in aged nearly 45. Or, I can give you the genuine one, but it makes me sound extremely depressed.

Ok, positive one first.

I have 3 beautiful, amazing healthy children who are all thriving, a loving and kind DH, and both sets of parents still alive doing well.

I have a good home, food, and a part time job WFH that works well with school runs etc. I'm very blessed in so many ways, with a family life that from the outside looks ideal.

However, inside most days it's like I am dying. My health is dreadful. Just thinking about it makes me feel quite ill.😢😳 My brain has been through the wars over the past decade, and I've had 3 concussions, post concussion syndrome, a terrible breakdown, and then been permanently injured by an off label antipsychotic prescribed for severe insomnia and anxiety after the first concussion.

It gave me a movement disorder called tardive dyskinesia that ruined my life and I rue the day my GP prescribed the antipsychotic. I had no sensitivity or adverse effects to any medication before, but now it has made me very sensitive to medication side effects, and even innocuous substances like antifungal creams, artificial sweeteners, and supplements can exacerbate my symptoms.

Ooh yes, and the joys of perimenopause have been an additional health worry which of course means I have to think seriously about whether I can tolerate symptoms without HRT... or try to use it but worry it will exacerbate my movement disorder.

So, TLDR: life outwardly is good, but underneath I'm drowning 😢

@Silverbirchleaf interesting that that has caught people by surprise

I'm 50. My father died when I was 42. I was told at the time that I was young to lose a parent. But I actually wasn't expecting to hit 40 with Parents. In some ways that was the biggest curveball of how life plans turned out.

I'm trying to approach my 50s positively because I feel as if I lost my 40s looking after elderly parents - and that's very sad. If I had known it would go on for so long I would've taken a completely different approach and been very hands off.

I don't think much about my age and I feel as if MN is obsessed with age.

I don't talk about my parents much in real life - it's too depressing.

I didn't have the career I wanted, I had a lot of health problems when I was young. But that's the sort of thing that was very striking at 40. I've worked through it ages ago.

I don't have children so I felt very young until recently and I get on better with younger people. My last boyfriend was about half my age and that made sense to me and to people who know me well.

my best friend told me to start lying about my age when I was 45. I thought she was mad, but now I can see why she said that. She and I don't fit in people's stereotype of 50 (and 55 in her case).

Perhaps the biggest difference is not having children.

i've had to do a lot of meeting people the last few years and I'm amazed how much 50 something want to talk about their elderly parents. But that problem has been going on for ages with me. I never wanted to talk about it. There are so many nice things to talk about!

I’m 54 and everything was progressing well until out of the blue I was diagnosed with a very aggressive form of breast cancer. I now tell everyone please go your doctor with ANY change in your breasts. It really is not just lumps that may be cancer.

The one thing I have learned at this stage is that life can change in a moment, so enjoy it while you have it. Don’t put things away ‘for best’ as granny used to do 🙂

I'm 54 and should actually be very grateful as I am in good health (on the whole), have a decent fairly cushy job and am financially secure.

But (you knew that was coming), I just feel like everything is pointless. It can only be downhill from here. "Golden years"? Golden years of gradually losing your health, in my case getting slower at running, not being able to see properly? What is the point? Yes I am financially secure but what am I going to do with that money?

Being very honest, I sometimes think if there were an easy way to end it, I would. I wouldn't do it now because my mum is still alive and i wouldn't put her through losing her child, but later I would. I really can't see the point of living so long that life becomes a struggle. My mum is healthy but she's had so many operations and painful things done to her!

The unexpected urgency in needing to wee!
unknown aches and pains
moving slower

I sometimes play a game and try to pace younger people walking. That’s hard and I can’t keep up for very long. It’s my form of secret exercise.

@OchreReader
Sending you positivity.
My friend has also been diagnosed with breast cancer, she’s 51.
Absolutely, enjoy every moment that you can.

Healthwise, financially and emotionally I feel like I’m in a great place at 56. But I never ever take this for granted.

“Golden years"? Golden years of gradually losing your health”

this made me laugh. It’s so true.

But from what you wrote you have lots of positives. Try to focus on those. When I was at my lowest the only positives I could find was when the traffic lights went my way. And I’d say thank you. It really helped me to find more positives.

And to the pp re keeping things for best. Agree! I do this or did this. And after my diagnosis realised if not now then when! I’ll run out of time. First time I used for best stuff it felt so weird!

And you have more than paid into the system with your taxes and your work too. Don't feel bad!

@Enigma you are absolutely not a failure! Cancer and it’s repercussions does not make you a failure.

I couldn’t be a teacher. I see how tough it is as part of my job in education. You did it! And were good at it.

And definitely not a failure. Your children are proof you are a good mum.

My children are just starting out too. One finished uni and the other half way through uni. I’m marking milestones to get to. It helps.

I’m 52, life is not what I expected but I’m very content in lots of ways. I’ve lost a lot of weight over the past year and focused on strength training and a year has made an incredible difference, I’m strong and a very healthy bmi from obese a year ago and too unfit to walk any distance!

I hate working and want to reduce my hours or stop working but obviously I can’t afford to! DH is older and retired so that’s part of it. Also bereavement’s have sharpened my mind and I really feel life is too short!

I am hopeful for the next decade, I do feel life is getting better!

Some of the posts here are incredibly depressing. The negativity is shocking actually.

Make the most of being alive!

I've lost friends in their 50s and early 60s and they would have loved more years of life.

If you're not enjoying life, look to yourself, find new interests, learn stuff, even if it's online, look after your health and just be glad for what you have.

My Dad had a saying which was 'you get out of life what you put in'.

I'm 51 and would say that my life is pretty much as I'd have expected, except that I have kids and I wasn't expecting that! Perimenopause was tricky (especially the insomnia, and also a feeling of being a bit lost) but I'm out the other side now, sleeping well again and with my enthusiasm for life back again. I'm not on HRT.

I still have kids at home and find that only working part time helps me feel present for them, able to assist my elderley parents and have a bit of time for myself, without getting totally wrung out and exhausted.

I still have plenty of energy and my brain fog is less noticeable now (or maybe I've just got used to it!), but I have found that I am very much more prone to weight gain nowadays, and my pelvic floor...let's just say, when I gotta go, I gotta go!

One positive of getting older is the increasing ease with which you do ngaf. 50+ women have always been caricatured as battleaxes but I think there is a large kernel of truth beneath the (sexist) stereotype. More inclined to speak my mind and call out utter drivel. Can see through intellectual posturing and virtue-signalling and am frankly embarrassed that I ever held some of the views I did years ago, when I was probably just seeking approval.

Love this 🖤🖤