Late 40s / Early 50s - Is This What You Expected?

[Dreamsofanidiotmaybenot]

If you are between your late forties and early fifties, where do you feel you are in life right now?
Is this what you expected when you were younger, or completely different?
Do you feel young and full of energy, or more tired than you thought you would be at this stage?
Do you have friends who have already retired in their fifties? How are they experiencing this period?
Genuinely curious to hear real experiences.

Yes she is a GP/EM doctor by training. She has a special interest, and extra training in, women's' health and functional medicine and her approach is very much every aspect of a healthy and fit ageing.
Dr Gina Schoeman at The Schoeman Clinic London- I highly recommend her.

Some of us aren’t eligible for HRT due to pre-existing conditions. Examples are post cancer tx, or for myself it is migraine with aura. My GP and gynae don’t feel comfortable prescribing HRT due to this.

I’m stuck using supplements and CBD oil. Would much rather use estrogel.

im so sorry to hear this. Of course you aren’t a failure, you can’t control your health and it sounds like you have done a fantastic job of your children are doing well in life. I hope your good health returns and wish you well.

Yes you do sound smug!

I'm annoyed at how I seem to have wasted so much time and so much possibility for securing my pension! I'm also annoyed i've let myself go and now am 4 stone overweight. I was a trim 9 stone until I was 38. I'm also super aware that I don't have that long left! As in, I'd love to move to a dream do-er upper but realise that realistically I simply don't have the time to do it up and then enjoy it. It's really irritating!
Health wise, I've got arthritis which is painful and I never thought would happen to me. I used to be slim, blonde, pretty and life was easy. That's all stopped.
Meh. it's not all that is it!

I am excercising a lot and feel fitter than i expected to at this age (50) as i have a CHD. Kids still very dependant on us but dont mind helping them while they find their post uni feet. No peri yet but know it is coming and already have the thickening waist and weight gain. Finincially secure but wish i could work part time as i have a high pressure job and limited work/life balence but i am def luckier than lots of people and i am aware of this and count my blessings

I went to see a HRT specialist in the NHS because my GP wouldn't give it. Mum had breast cancer, presumed to HRT and I've had ovarian myself.

GP wouldn't test me for the breast cancer gene, they wouldn't look at studies to see any link between ovarian and breast and HRT. So I went to a different hospital who had a HRT/Gynae/Menopause specialist dept, and they were fine with it and wrote to the GP to allow me HRT. Not only were they fine, they were puzzled as to why GP wouldn't give it. I think a lot of GP's are nervous about it.

Also, I have migraines, sometimes with aura. Never mentioned by GP or HRT specialists.

If you really want HRT, I would see someone who knows their onions?

It’s pretty much what I imagined and worked towards. I had children very young, and knew it would be tough, but also made life choices to make sure I was financially secure and could do the things everyone else does when younger when I was older if that makes sense. Never had a gap year before uni etc. So doing the travelling now the children are adults. Mortgage paid off, work part time, spend several months a year travelling. Quite happily think of myself as career focused and continuing to develop/progress on the one hand, but winding down and reducing hours on the other half of the week. It’s all about balance.

50 now, and only 1kg overweight, the fittest and strongest I have been in my life.

In terms of things I didn’t expect, I guess I didn’t anticipate the brain fog/memory lapses/word finding problems that come with peri. I am perfectly able to laugh at myself and not stress about it. We have a lot of us in the same position at work, so our team meetings are hilarious, but we joke about how as long as one of us can remember it’s all good. Usually one of us does!

It’s refreshing to see a positive post.

I love this. I love the confidence that comes with age, well done for getting rid of things that bring such negativity and stress.

Well no because we are struggling economically far more than I thought.

I was born in the mid 70s, trained and educated and led to expect that if I worked there would be rewards.

The social contract was first broken in the 80s and nothing has improved since. I worked up, got more qualifications and skills and got a professional job that my parents could not have dreamed of but it was not enough to buy the house and garden that they had managed, never mind those that my richer professional relatives had managed. Eventually I had to leave the region I’d worked in and moved to an isolated region where the house prices are lower but the jobs don’t exist: and anyway the rise in minimum wage has cancelled out any possible gain I made from working and gaining experience and skills. Plus successive governments brought right to buy in for those low wage and low skill groups while I was left to struggle in damp private rentals with exploitative greedy landlords.

As a woman I’m back in the world I always knew, of the only options open being whoredom, cleaning, nursing assistant now or teaching assistant rather than nurse or teacher and I certainly will not waste my skills fighting for the right to teach boys on minimum wage.

Culture for women has not improved either, with our worth once again measured on appearance rather than skills and older women far more unwelcome everywhere than they were when I was in my 29s and 30s. I was told them to make way for experienced elders and now to make way for the attractive well-off youngsters (youngsters from my background have nothing). I wish I hadn’t bothered and had been given right to buy as well.

Feeling good at 46. I’ve been on HRT for a year. Positive experience of Mirena coil and oestrogen patches. Since starting those I’m feeling emotionally balanced and my sleep is back to normal. I also had a full medical recently with mammogram, colonoscopy, colposcopy, pelvic ultrasound and blood tests to check for medical concerns.

Enjoying my career and feeling happy with where we are financially.

I’ve lost a dress size on Mounjaro over the past 9 weeks, which has been amazing as my BMI went from 27 to 24.5 quickly (the pharmacy I use considers perimenopause as a condition). I’ll keep going on the jabs for another 9 weeks or so. Weight gain has been a side effect of the HRT, but hopefully I can now manage that better. I’ve been doing mat Pilates most days which is something I look forward to.

I had DC when I was 36 and 38, so currently have an 8 year old and 10 year old. They’re gorgeous but I miss them as babies. I don’t think I appreciated them enough when I was a SAHM for a few years. Every day felt hard for some reason, whereas I’d give anything now to rewind to that time!

Looking ahead, the main source of friction between DH and me is going to be his aging parents! DH and I have been self-sufficient since turning 18. We’ve had no help from our parents and they haven’t been (aren’t) involved grandparents. I’m now noticing how much his side are trying to lean on us and it isn’t fair! They retired very early for leisure reasons, which was self-interested and lazy, given their pensions aren’t sufficient. DH is currently trying to convince me that we should buy them a property near us as it’s an “investment” 😠

I am 50, separated, quite happy with some aspects of my life - active social life, I still look OK (although staying slim is a fight I am increasingly losing), great kids, nice house, good relationship with ex. But I worry about being single and dying alone, and find OLD inpenetrable. I also have dying parents and am struggling to come to terms with the fact that they were horrible to me growing up, and how I reconcile that with them needing more care from me now. Also have OCD and ADHD which seems to have got worse with menopause too. Oh yes I've already been through the menopause and aside from weight gain, mild depression and the fact I now risk pissing myself every time I sneeze or cough seem to be the main symptoms. Does this ever go? I think I might be stuck with it now.

Might not help - but I was on HRT and didn't notice any benefits at all. Went off it again and felt exactly the same! It's obviously great for some people but not all it's cracked up to be for some of us!

Thanks.

it hasn’t always been this way. I’ve made some bad decisions. I’ve had shit happen to me along the way. 4 years ago I was suicidal.

im enjoying this positive part of my life because let’s face it none of us know how long is left.

I’m 46. Never really had any expectations about what life would be like by now. I consider myself to be very fortunate and in a sweet spot of life at the moment. Earn well and have a comfortable lifestyle. Enjoy my job. Kids in primary school, so they are old enough not to be completely dependent on me but are cute and still want to spend time with me. Parents are getting older but are still reasonably healthy. Some peri symptoms but not too bad. Have more free time now than I have had in the last 10 years as kids are older, have found a sport I enjoy and am doing more exercise and am fitter than I’ve been for some years. However I can see my response being different in a few years as menopause really bites, kids turn to teens and parents become elderly.

Are you on bioidentical HRT, including testosterone?

How long were you on it? It can take 6 weeks at least to kick in for some. Some women also might need a higher starting dose.

I’m 54 and life is pretty good. Great marriage, 3 adult dds, nice home, financially secure. Heath is ok, I’ve got high cholesterol but trying to sort it.

I was a SAHM for over a decade and have now found a new career which I am enjoying. Dh and I enjoy life - we go out to cinema, theatre, comedy gigs and see friends. Lots of weekends away!

Youngest dd has some problems which do get me down but I am trying very hard not to let the worry impact my life ( easier said than done!).

Life has been a bit shit since 50 y.o. Keen to get my mojo back. Lockdown birthday at 50 (we’d been taking kids on adventures abroad so that all stopped), broke my ankle, then lost both parents and MIL in less than a year, got trigeminal neuralgia and was in constant pain for 18 months, got bullied at work, put on a PIP (after 30 successful years), lost my job, have children with autism and ADHD who have serious anxiety and have talked about harming themselves. Now with this war and concerns about that and implications for my kids living with that is worrying! I have been through menopause and once I was through that started getting anxiety when totally chilled in my 40s. I have started seeing a couple of friends again after being fully involved with having a young family but I need to start exercising again and getting out more and making better life choices. I did get another job but my hearts not in it. I’d love to retire but need to support kids through university from his year and still have 7 years on the mortgage! Feeling more financially secure at the minute!

No, I didn't. I got a second wind at 50 and retrained in something else that I ran alongside the 'day job' so I had two part time jobs going at the same time.
Then I retrained again and had 3 jobs - all part time.
At 60, I dropped one of them. I'm still doing some very part time work in my late 60s, self employed.

I started HRT at 53 and have carried on with it.
I can't cope with loss of sleep.

I have a lovely older friend who trained in counselling at 56 and carried on till she was 80.

I feel great! I’m the fittest I’ve ever been, the slimmest, I feel like I’m in my 20 with energy and general attitude.
my career really kicked off mid 40s, about to do my degree with work and my kids are grown up and young adults so I’ve loads of time for me and and my dh. We are financially secure and have holidays and concerts booked this year.

the insomnia sucks but I take HRT, and manage the insomnia on a night by night basis. Life is pretty good

StrawberrySundaes · Today 04:31
I feel physically awful. I am 48yo. Full throes of perimenopause symptoms - weight gain, brain fog, tired all the time, no motivation, erratic periods (anywhere from 13-46 day cycles but usually every 2-3weeks and very heavy). Full on insomnial, restless legs, achy joints, hot flashes. My migraines have increased in frequency. I have had tests and there’s nothing wrong with me. Thyroid seems ok.

@StrawberrySundaes There is absolutely no need to put up with any of that ^^ in 2026.

There is something wrong- it's peri menopause! And treatable.

HRT may well sort all of it.

Have you considered it and seen a GP? There is no need to accept al of that when it's sortable.

I turned 50 last week. Married with dc 12 and 14. All in all my life isn't in a good place but I try to see the positives.

Positives: work is good - I enjoy it and do well. Plenty of friends. My skin is good so I still look young(ish). Paid off the mortgage.

Negatives: huge amounts of stress in the last couple of years from depressed DH, unhappy marriage, DM with dementia, DF depressed and struggling to support her, PiL health problems, autistic DD ongoing problems, financial problems of living off one wage, and for myself, peri causing (or adding to) weight gain and low mood and energy.

I hoped we would be more financially secure but DH has suffered from depression and not worked for over a year, so we have less money than ever, and the future is a worry. No holidays or big celebrations for my 50th so I find it hard to see others celebrating.

I wasn't expecting peri to affect my energy levels - I have much less energy than at 40, even on HRT.

I feel sad reading a lot of these responses, and about how many women are suffering through this age.

I am 51 and feel at the height of my powers in terms of work and sexuality. I am looking older in my face and have had some thinning hair and joint pain but - my body is the same, my health is good, I exercise as much as I did in my 20s-30s. I ended a long term sexless relationship 5 years ago and have been in a part time, long distance relationship with my current partner for 4 years. We are both having the best sex we've ever had - he's 54.

My son is 14 and doing well, touch wood - he was much more challenging aged 10-12. I am starting to see light at the end of the tunnel in terms of parenting.

I agree with pp that excercise is so important, and focussing on fun and friendships. I am also aware it could all fall apart any time, and who knows how much life I have left.