Anger at museum for tiktok of staff member

[DeepLemonBeaker]

DS turned 13 in January and wanted to have a phone with tiktok for Roblox videos with his friends. I'm an ex social worker who was completely reluctant to do this at first but agreed on the promise I get to see his account when asked. The other promise was he never took his phone to bed and it was left downstairs as not to impair his sleep. He agreed, and I've used this time to double check the phone.

In my view he is a child and completely vunerable, I am a bit of an outcast in conversations in work and among some friends for this view, some parents are more casual with a lot more trust but I think I have seen too much to take the chance.

We visited a museum in early Feburary, we only conducted a two hour visit before heading for a meal as the weather was bad (Typical Welsh weather) My DD has taken some interest in some of the stuff there and would like to return and I did enjoy myself although DH & DS were bored s*less.

However one week after this visit my sons account was "following" a man in his 50s who had mulitple videos of himself in a gallery attendants uniform. Some had him dressed with women's hairstyles and talking in a childs voice. No gallery attendant that looked like this on the day of the visit and I am unaware how my DS has stumbled upon this mans page but it has raised questions in my head

I want to send the details on to the Museum and express concern but DH thinks this is a massive overreaction that could harm this mans job. He is correct that there has been no "interaction" between the two and my son blocked the account when asked but I cannot get this out of my head and have questions.

You could just ask if it's in keeping with their social media policy.

If he is presenting them in uniform then I'd think the content would need to fall within this. Most places do not consider it personal if you are clearly identifiable as staff.

I'm an ex social worker

This is the only sentience that makes any sense in the OP 🤣

Get your son off TikTok.

You lost any sympathy from me when you did you allowed your son on Roblox and Tiktok 😲

1. get rid of TikTok. A 13 year old doesn’t need it and shouldn’t have it.

2. figure out what the questions you have are and ask them.

With tiktok you need to get yourself a tiktok account and do family pairing with his account. You can set screen time limits, curate their feed, block people etc.
It doesnt sound like anything untiward has happened at all though. What is your prkblem with this mans account? Was there anything illegal or predatory on it?

Keep your children off tiktok
The end

You were unreasonable when you gave your 13 year old a smart phone and unrestricted access to TikTok. YOUR son followed an account you don’t like and somehow it’s the man’s fault. Take the phone and leave the guy alone. You might not like his lifestyle but he hasn’t actually done anything wrong.

I use Tiktok to doom scroll at night time lol. It will suggest all kinds of things for your fyp doesn't matter if it's just meant to be for Roblox/gaming content.

Can you share the link to the TikTok account? And then we can see what you are particularly worried about in terms of it being offensive, and needing to call crimestoppers.

Don’t say that it will be outing, because it won’t be. It’s a museum in Wales. Nobody will know who you are based on that.

Why did the weather mean you didn't stay at the museum longer?

A 13 year old child should not have tik tok. Apart from unsuitable material easily found or pushed through, it is highly damaging to the concentration, the false dopamine hit it gives means children (and adults) seek that instead of meaningful dopamine hits that are more sustained and feel better. This is why often children's mood changes after watching lots of shorts.
Other than that, its just brain rot.

I came on to say exactly this! I know it’s not the point, but I can’t get past it. 😄

This. Absolutely ridiculous to try and imply the man your son follows has any nefarious intent based on your own crap parenting choice. You don’t actually say he even follows your son back, or that there’s been any interaction.

Just delete the app - your son is being groomed into becoming a museum curator when he grows up!

You let your son use a social media format which you don't have a clue how it works, and then are upset by how it works because you don't understand it. If you don't understand it, why do you think it's suitable for your 13 year old to use?

Clue: Tiktok isn't suitable for use by 13 year olds cos they might get recommended a weirdo by an algorithm.

Do your son a favour by emailing your mp instead of Crimestoppers the museum, ask your MP what they’re doing to support a potential social media ban for under 16yos…

Without knowing how your son came to be following the museum attendant, I don’t think you can make any accusations to the museum about the nature or potential nature of his connection to your son.

If you are genuinely concerned about nature of the videos, he is is wearing the museum uniform in his videos, so you could let them know of the content and let them decide of their appropriateness. I don’t think you can infer or extrapolate anything further about your son somehow following him though

Do you know how tiktok works? Do you use it yourself? Clearly half the people commenting on your thread don't. Keeping your kid safe online would be easier for you if you had a firm understing of the platforms he wants to use before you let him use them.

What are the specific questions in your head? You clearly have concerns - what are they?

Reading your post, I get the sense that you feel that you've put your son at risk/done something wrong by allowing tiktok. I don't think you have. I do think you need to learn more about tech, and not operate from a place of fear and anxiety. He sounds like an obedient kid right now, but the degree of control you're exerting is going to have him hiding things and shutting you out of his life in the next year or two if you carry on like this

Most employers make you sighn something to say you won't talk about the company on social media

Is it an official or unofficial account? I don't use tiktok but I follow a lot of libraries/archives/museums on instagram and they often have short funny videos, sometimes in character.

Is this thread a wind up?

I am a bit bemused you don't know how tracking and algorithyms work, and you want to report to the museum for what exactly ? Learn how a phone works and of course your son is going to watch silly videos on his phone he is 13.

I can't work out what the problem is. Your son and this man have not interacted. Your son has followed him. Why do you need to email the museum? What exactly are your concerns?

You gave your son a smartphone with no restrictions because felt like you were an outlier at work? Stop giving into peer pressure and allowing weak and passive parents to guide your decisions.
He's only 13 and shouldn't have this at all. Try to assert yourself and make positive decisions.
If you're struggling, the school can refer you for support.
In the meantime: parental controls and only very limited access on the internet for him.

I work and volunteer in museums.

I don't understand your dh's POV - if there is no problem with the account and its management, then the museum checking it will do no harm. If there is, then it needs acting upon.

Social media use may be covered by both a social media policy and a safeguarding policy. I would be happy to show my museums my SM accounts - all private as it would be inappropriate for a child I had encountered at work to follow me.

If you are in doubt, report.