To give my daughter meals she probably won’t like?

[jey91]

My 4 year old DD is probably what’s labeled an extreme picky eater (but I don’t think arfid). She has always been a very picky eater despite my best efforts to do everything by the book. I tried my best not to pressure her, introduced a wide variety of food, always ate with her etc.

I have been generally feeding her meals I know she likes but encouraging her to try new foods which she very rarely does. There are some foods she will eat with no pressure (eg pasta where I can hide some veggies) and some foods she would only eat with the tv on and if I feed her. I know this isn’t good but I figured it’s better she has exposure to the food. Now that she’s turned 4 I’m getting really worried and fed up of it so I’m making her meals that o know she may not like and telling her she won’t be getting anything different until the next mealtime.

my issue is that it’s leading to huge meltdowns when she is hungry and doesn’t want what I’ve cooked. I stand my ground but it’s extremely difficult and stressful. For example, yesterday I gave her favourite pasta but I mixed in some meatballs. She refused to eat it and kept asking for snacks then after about an hour it turned into a total meltdown before eventually she agreed to have a few bites but she was hysterically crying for a long time before this. Before bed she was very hungry so I gave her a banana. Today was a similar situation where she kept asking for something else before having a total meltdown.

sorry this post is long but I want to know if anyone else has had similar experiences and if my approach is causing unnecessary distress for us all? I hired a feeding therapist about 18 months ago and it was no help at all. None of the standard tricks work with her as I feel there’s a strong sensory element. She gets very upset at new foods. I know all parents want their kids to eat healthy but I absolutely love cooking and baking, I’m a SAHM and spend my days making her and my 18mo meals and snacks that I think are healthy and it’s making life really difficult having to make 2/3 meals

I have two ASD picky eaters and one garden variety ratbag four year old, who has always loved his food/cooking/watching cooking/putting away the shopping and asking to try things. We are still going through this at the moment with him.

Four year olds going to four year old. My plan is to just not worry about it for a bit. The moment his world gets bigger again and he understands the story attached to food (this is granddads favourite so he sent it for you, pizza is from Italy country where the go jetters see the leaning tower...) he'll be into it again.

My 5 and 3yos are both a bit picky in different ways so we end up having mix and match kind of meals most nights. I usually serve up whatever me and DH want to have, plus one alternative, e.g. leftovers from the previous night or a simpler sauce (for example, if I'm making pasta with veg and meat/fish/seafood for us I'll serve some of the pasta with just butter or cream, plus some pieces of meat/fish and crudités so they can try ours but stick with a 'safe' option if needed). Bread and cheese or yoghurt & muesli are also always available. I try to avoid preparing entirely separate meals but I also don't do any encouraging/persuading/begging to try things. Instead I focus on mealtimes being calm and pleasant family time and what they eat is their choice.

This actually very much sounds like ARFID. Her issues are sensory and she's sobbing because the idea of eating this new/different thing is actually distressing to her. ARFID doesn't always come with ND diagnosis although it is more common in preemies and autistic children.

I work with children & have had fussy eaters quite a lot. I try & make food fun. One little girl didn't like veg so we went to the supermarket & I explained that the fairies hid all the sweetest carrots at the bottom of the display so I had her search for the nicest carrots & then she was more eager to try them when we got home. I grated raw carrots then cooked some so she could see how different they tasted. I made Princess mashed potato, normal mash with beetroot juice to turn it pink & made funny faces with other veggies on her plate. It took a while for her to try things but because it was fun she was more engaged & willing to try. For others we've had food play where I've grated veg & cooked pasta for the younger ones to play with. a lot of the time while they played I asked them to have a little taste & because they were distracted would have a little nibble. Try not to make a big issue about food around your Daughter & def don't withhold meals if she doesn't eat what you serve to her. Always have something on her plate you know she likes then add something new but don't mention it. Let her explore things at her own pace. If she eats certain sauces grate veg into it so it's not so obvious. Hopefully as she gets older she'll want to try more foods so try & hang in there for now.

My son lived on Marmite sandwiches until he went to school, didn't do him any harm. 6ft healthy 40 years old now. Its really is not worth the hassle- I would kick off too if someone tried to force me to eat something I did not want or like. I don't consider her a picky eater, she knows what she likes. She's little . Why turn it in to a battle. Once she is at school she will see others eating and she may try other things, but she may not - pick your battles. You could cause untold damage over food doing this.

This

I did a little research into "picky eaters" as my DS2 is very fussy. It is linked to autism as a sensory thing for many children. (he is autistic)

I refuse to cook more than one meal, so just separate the components of the meal if possible (deconstructed dinner!), so he can eat something. I encourage him to try other things but don't make a big deal out of it. We sit together at the table and chat about random stuff. There is no pressure/focus on him.

We need to look at other countries though, who eat much less processed food. I think if kids are fed large quantities of bland UPFs, then they're not going to want to try other things. In China kids eat all sorts, but not so much processed junk. Same in France. I spent a lot of time in France and was amazed what little kids would eat.

So if toddlers/children were fed a diet with no UPFs, would they then be less fussy? (a child considered fussy in France would be considered to have a great appetite in the UK!).

If a child wasn't fed chicken nuggets and other bland processed foods, then they wouldn't know what it was to demand it.

(obviously this is not including children that have a genuine phobia of food, as that is something else altogether)