to want to kill my gf

[theBOD]

she was meant to be home after work so we could go out for dinner but apparently got rail roaded into dinner (yeah right) with her boss and couldn't say no.
i really feel like putting my fist through her face as soon as she walks through the door pissed out of her mind to make sure she never does it again.

Bod- now that would have been an interesting experiment, but you failed to make a direct comparison in your original op.

You really think that it would be ok for a man to state that he'd want to strangle his partner with a towel?!!! Really?

"But if a man had wrote that he 'wanted to strangle his gf/dw with a towel', it would probably not have been jokily received, would it.?"

That's because this is a predominantly female website (although the 'by parents for parents' tagline allows us Dads a look-in). It's reasonable to employ tact according to your surroundings. I don't believe in God but I don't shout the odds to that effect in church.

There's a thread today about 'ugly men that you fancy'. Fair enough, but I wouldn't start a thread titled 'borderline boilers' here as it's not the right place for it. Context.

"Bod- now that would have been an interesting experiment, but you failed to make a direct comparison in your original op."

i know and accept that. and that is the part of my post for which i am now apologising.

VS: it's a good point you make - quite a few posts/ threads on MN which are, at best, dismissive of men and, at worst, actively misogynistic and which display appalling double-standards. Personally, I don't generally take offence at them (too much) although there are certain ones which do raise my hackles, particularly the ones which make negative sweeping assumptions on men.

DaDaDa: you're right about context, which is why I sort of figure that if you're in the minority you ride (to an extent) with the majority. On the other hand, I think what is interesting, is that on sites for fathers you virtually never see any negative comments about women in the way that you see them about men on MN (although to be honest the sites aren't as good or popular as which is why I ended up here for advice!) Certainly, I have never seen forum/ threads which are as actively sexist as ones are on here.

theBOD: apposite apology I think, and well recognised.

He is not a SAHD though is he? And I am not sexist so you can bleat that from the highest rafters and it will never be a true accusation. Violence is violence. All this crap about what a man can post and what a woman can post are just plain silly. Of course we have different standards for men and women, it comes down behaviour patterns of each sex. There are women on this site that have probably come home to a fist in the face and not any man that has been strangled with a towel.

This is mumsnet right?

"There are women on this site that have probably come home to a fist in the face and not any man that has been strangled with a towel."

well due to the historical time-line i would doubt that there are many jewish posters on here who were themselves interned in concentration camps during the holocaust or african-americans who have lived their lives in slavery. does that mean that these are open season for jokes?

What a stupid and distasteful post. Teaching us all a lesson, eh TheBod. How ineteresting you use the same justification as all those blokes who beat up their partners.
In fact, on this site if a woman ever admits to hitting her partner, even if he is also hitting (which has always been the case in my experience), she is completely condemned, people beg her to get some counselling and to end the relationship.
In cases where women are seen as overly critical or controlling, the women on this site are certainly not afraid to tell that that they should change.
There is zero tolerance for domestic violence. And if you can't see that a man threatening to 'put his fist through her face' to a group of women, isn't remotely comparable to a clearly jokey, exasperated post aimed at audience of women (and yes, who you are talking to is part of context)about putting a rude word in fake tan on someone's forehead, then you are either dim or deliberately obtuse.

From the FAQ Twelvelegs:

I'm not a Mum - can still I join Mumsnet?

We hope Mumsnet isn't exclusive to mums and indeed we know we have a number of dads who log on and contribute. If it doesn't sound too pompous we think the concept of "mumming/mothering" goes beyond gender so don't feel Mumsnet is too exclusive. We did think of calling the site parentsnet.com but it just sounded so hideous. We do have Dadsnet specifically for men to chat here but you'll find that if you just contribute on the regular threads folks won't be surprised by having a male joining in. Similarly, we have a section specially for grandparents, Gransnet.

I am actively involved in raising my DS, and find Mumsnet invaluable. I also enjoy the banter.

Although why someone who isn't a parent or ttc would bother to register and post in the first instance, I have no idea...

Obviously a place dominated by women will have a woman's slant and tone, so we all understand the strangling a man expresses frustration and not the planning of an act. Fist through the face does not.

well actually i never threatened anything. i used the expression "i feel like" that is used by so many women in threads about their OH's only to be greeted by a string of response along the lines of |"of course YANBU slap him/kick his arse/etc"
as i said the phrase i used is regrettable only so much as it has caused offence to some for which i apologise. and i feel it has given others a get out clause to avoid the issue.had i just said "slap her" they would have given exactly the same responses but not had an excuse to say "well your phrase is clearly emotive but a woman joking about slapping/stranbgling her husband is blatantly a joke.".

gawd, theBOD. even according to thw's figures your threat is more than twice as likely to be true, your threat was infinitely more visceral in its violence and you are by virtue of your gender likely to be considerably more physically powerful, financially better off and less involved in domestic work and childcare. if you can't see that this power differential makes a difference to the way you should behave (especially on a largely female webiste) then you are being wilfully obtuse imo. we don't have anything like equality with men.

Haven't read through but I see OP's point (however clumsily made) There is a huge, grossly unfair double standard out there.

To the OP, Who cares it's just dinner.

Perhaps you should post the same on Dadsnet??

I think an apology was in order, theBOD, and thank you for making it.

WRT "to those who asked why i didn't just start a thread asking the question rather than a false scenario i'll answer.i wanted people to be be able to compare the passionate and condemning responses that a thread talking about wanting to hit/attack a partner received when one was concerning a man and the other a woman".

The tone of your OP was completely different to the tone of the other two threads you linked to.

I don't think any of the sentiments expressed re violence from one partner to another were particularly appropriate.

But yours suggested anger and aggression from someone who appeared unable to control their emotions, where the other two, whilst crass, seemed more like banter from someone who is annoyed yet resigned to the annoyance.

You misjudged this whole thread really badly.

Most posters have stated that any kind of domestic violence is unacceptable.

You commented "just wanted to check that domestic violence was still frowned upon on this board and not a laughing matter after i saw these 2 threads".

I am unsure why you thought you were somehow superior in your knowledge on the issues surrounding DV, and why you thought it appropriate to try and teach us all a lesson.

You were patronising and offensive.

I hope you have learnt from this thread.

If you have something to say, say it - you don't need to troll or set up stupid experiments.

We are all adults here.

MsDemeanor & AitchTwoCiao exactly!

OP what world are you living in? Is it the same one as me ... you know the one where two women a week are murdered by their partners & many, many, many more do indeed get a fist through the face on a regular basis?

Honestly are you a little bit dim? Purposely obtuse? Or a misogynist? Perhaps you have never beaten a woman but the violence in you OP is shocking & extremely disturbing.

If you honestly can't see the difference in language, intent & context between your post & the ones you referenced ... well Christ ... it's just fucking depressing really.

Have you ever had a fist put through your face?

Minster, I like your turn of phrase!!

Except (yawn) they aren't threatening their partners. They are turning their usually entirely justifiable frustration into humour for a predominantly female audience. And we completely understand it as such.
When a woman DOES talk about hurting her partner, either physically (almost always in a mutually aggressive relationship) or even by being over controlling she is ALWAYS pulled up on it in no uncertain terms. Because we can immediately see the difference between a woman sharing her frustration with other women, and a woman making genuine threats. It's not even very difficult.
The OP in this thread reads like a genuine threat to extreme violence to a woman. The other threads most definitely did NOT.

oh it completely diminishes the point he was trying to make...

his post reeked of threat, violence and intimidation. the others, from what i understand not having seen them, were fairly juvenile banter.

let's be completely honest here, had a woman posted exactly what the OP did, she would have been taken to task. she really would, and there's no amount of bleating about inverse sexism that will change that.

i've seen women posting for help on here to deal with their propensity towards violence, no-one's ever said 'oh it doesn't matter love, you're just a woman'. quite the opposite, there's an equally hard line taken against both imo and ime.

Exactly Aitch.
Nobody has ever condoned a woman hitting a man, even if he also hits her.

"let's be completely honest here, had a woman posted exactly what the OP did, she would have been taken to task. she really would, and there's no amount of bleating about inverse sexism that will change that".

Absolutely, Aitch.

If there is any sexism on this thread, it is coming from those assuming that MN posters (ie mostly women) don't take violence against men by women as seriously as violence against women by men.