to want to kill my gf

[theBOD]

she was meant to be home after work so we could go out for dinner but apparently got rail roaded into dinner (yeah right) with her boss and couldn't say no.
i really feel like putting my fist through her face as soon as she walks through the door pissed out of her mind to make sure she never does it again.

Well said, Aitch.

Eek!

Was thinking about these double standards in bed last night

One of the things that came to my mind - John Bobbit

That man suffered a terrible mutilation at the hands of his partner and became the brunt of many a joke and a laughing stock (yes I know he was an arsehole/prat but did he deserve what he got and the aftermath)

If a woman had been mutilated in that way, there would be no joking about it - ever

I hate these double standards, even just joking about it

most of those jokes were made by male comedians, of course...

... and JW Bobbit joked about the situation himself, whilst also taking up a career in porn in order to showcase the main protagonist in the saga, iirc.

So if a woman had her breast cut off after playing away, there would be jokes? Why is it acceptable to joke about a man being mutilated (I already said the bloke was a prat but that shouldn't come into it)

And I have heard many jokey comments coming from women about this one case and how they would do a bobbit, not meant and funny but not if a man said the same thing...ever

i haven't ever heard anyone say that, tbh. not the sort of circles i run in, obv.

JS bobbit was a bit more than a prat, as i recall... wasn't she forced to have an abortion by him, and i think he had affairs and she accused him of DV and rape. that's not a prat, that's an abuser. wasn't she found not fit for trial or something, because of what came out about him during the preliminary stuff?

i'm not lauding her as a feminist heroine, by the way, and i do think that had he not played along and had his name not been bobbit there would have been less levity surrounding the case. it's a bit more complicated than you're making out, imo.

"let's be completely honest here, had a woman posted exactly what the OP did, she would have been taken to task. she really would, and there's no amount of bleating about inverse sexism that will change that".

Actually Aitch, I disagree. Yes, the majority of posters would absolutely would have taken her to task but there would have been a minority who whilst not necessarily condoning what she did would certainly have asked questions along the lines of "Surely he must have done something to deserve this?". I remember one thread in particular which I'll try to dig out.

Actually, I'm with cestlavie on that. I remember a thread too..

oh hang on, i didn't realise that MN was defined by its moronic minority... of course there will be a few idiots. like, for example, the OP of this thread, who presumably doesn't represent the MO of all the male posters on here.

Aitch: that absolutely wasn't my point. My point was that (a) there were even a minority of posters expressing that view and (b) the minority of posters expressing that view were certainly not shouted down in the way that your statement presumed. If, on the other hand, a guy had posted saying he hit his wife you can bet whatever you like that anyone wondering whether she had done anything to deserve it would have been torn apart.

find the thread, then. i just don't think that all this is a terrific double standard. did the OP read like theBOD's one? did she want to put her fist through his face? i doubt it. yes, i'd be very interested to see exactly what went on on one MN thread of thousands, but i don't think that a sample of one is particularly conclusive.
but then, i also think that if you're a lone man fiddling about on a laptop in a car while parked outside a playpark and someone comes and asks you what you're doing, then you might just as easily say 'i'm playing solitaire while i'm waiting to play five a side in the football pitch over there, why do you ask?' as say 'none of your business, fuck off'. and i already know that i'm in the minority on that one.

wannabe you are misquoting me. I did not say that I would take DV against men seriously when two of them a week are killed by their partners. I thought I'd made it very clear that I take DV against men seriously, I'm simply not prepared to accept this revisionist bollocks that it is as big a problem as the enormous levels of DV against women.

Something struck me about that wanting to strangle your DH with a towel, who was it who pointed out that it would be too big and bulky for the job. I think that's the slapstick element of humour isn't it - choosing an inappropriate implement with which to carry out cartoon violence as opposed to the real type. "Should I slap my GF across the face with a wet fish thirty two times?" would elicit a different response because of the incongruity of the implement and the absurdly specific number of slaps and therefore the clarity that no real violence is intended. It's all about the tone and language.

The thread I'm thinking of wasn't like this one in reverse. And there was reciprocal violence

This OP was part of a wider set of issues for theBOD I think. It's not just a reaction to a couple of other threads. I suspect an agenda.

I'm with Aitch, LB and Dittany too!
Whilst at Relate (who I believe know about DV) they frowned upon all DV but were more concerned about my dh being agressive than me... him 6'2" very broad, and me teeny tiny.

The thing is when we say we want to strangle our husbands - we don't actually DO it!! I can see why you might think it's double standards but despite the fact that abuse does go on between both sexes - it does happen more to women and a man's fist can do serious damage (I'm sure you can work that out for yourself even if you've never hit a woman). Some men do find it an acceptable way to treat someone they claim to love. Please be reasonable.