To be puzzled by workplace affairs/relationships?

[Linlin24]

It seems so common these days (both from on here and elsewhere) that colleagues become romantically involved.

Is it just me, or I struggle to see how this happens? Everywhere I’ve worked has been professional and barely any time to discuss non work matters!!

The title of the thread asks about relationships and affairs, so when people (like me) talk about affairs, stop having a go.

I'm not "projecting" as has been suggested. I've not had a relationship or an affair with anyone from work, neither do I have anyone in my sights if that was the implication.

Same here.

Absolutely.

It's more than a stretch for some people to assume that only sordid affairs happen at work.

I referred upthread to the number of married couples at my Scottish high school in the '70s. Two of them were at out school reunion last year.

All the former pupils at the reunion were 65. The two former teacher couples who made it to the reunion had both met at our school and are still happily married.

Any vacancies?

I can only assume that the OP doesn't have a staffroom at work and isn't allowed to have lunch.

I think it's the inability to imagine that other people's jobs and lives might be different, and that two single people who spend all day every day in the same office might build a rapport, that suggests dullness.

Actually, I went on a date with a guy from work when I was 19. This reminded me of it as I'd forgotten. I did admin and reception work in summer and Easter holidays for a construction company and this guy was a foreman. I didn't fancy him but he was nice to talk to I thought so I "gave him a chance" and went for a drink with him and went back to his house for a coffee. Nothing happened it genuinely was coffee.

I was called into the director's office two days after the date to say I'd be sacked if I saw him again as he had put a grievance in about someone at work. All very odd.

Yes this makes sense.

😆Very good.

Yes I understand that but I just find it odd that someone would choose to go for someone they work with over the thousands of single men who aren’t connected to their work.

Because (for me personally) when I met and got to know DH (when we worked together) the chemistry and connection grew slowly and the more I got to know him, the more I liked him and wanted to be with him.

If it didn't work out then yeah of course it would be shit and awkward at work but I wasn't thinking "oh I'd rather have my average office job than a relationship with a wonderful, gorgeous, funny and kind man".

A job is a job. Finding someone who you fall in love with and want to spend your life with is pretty rare!

If you're single, you likely spend more time with your colleagues than anyone else, and most people have plenty of time for a chat during the day. (For instance, we've already managed an office wide argument this morning about whether you need to actively wash your legs in the shower or whether the water dripping down does a good enough job.)

Couple that with the occasional drunken Christmas party / leaving do and I'm amazed more people aren't hooking up with colleagues.

i hope washing the leg won ?

It was very much a male / female split.

We decided that as women are more likely to be shaving their legs in the shower, they're more likely to be in the habit of actually washing their legs too, whereas most men (myself included sorry!) just don't bother.

We do at least tend to actively wash our feet though!

Most of the women here are planning on asking their partners some very probing questions this evening. Whereas I'm definitely not mentioning it to DP just in case learning that she's with a dirty non-leg-washer kills any remaining attraction for me

Oh come on.

Intense job or not, I'm sure everyone has chance to chat!

Not everyone works in an office. Some workplaces are very casual. Also I would guess a lot of the affairs start on work nights out when alcohol is involved.

I get how it happens but personally I've barely wanted to be friends with colleagues, let alone sexually/romantically involved in them. There's a hard boundary between my personal and professional lives and nothing - including booze - has tempted me to break it. Friends are people you can be unprofessional and completely honest with - anything from a wild night out to being a weeping mess - without having to think about how this will make you look when everyone's sobered up in the office, or what effect it'll have on your career.

Obviously I've been friendly with many colleagues, and sometimes they've become friends after one or both of us has left that workplace, but it's just not proper friendship.

I also can't really understand how the workplace is the only place some people can think of to meet friends.

Why "these days?"
I would have thought office romances were a lot more common years ago, before wfh and internet dating became so big?

I don’t drink but I’ve still made friends in work.

Well put. Friendship (or more), typicalky arises from some sort of shared experience and the opportunity to get to know someone. For a great number of people work provides more of that than anything else in their life. So to say that no, you're not going to get with a kind, funny, attractive person that you could otherwise see a relationship blossoming with just because you work together...seems a bit sad really.

Anyway, it seems to me that if you're going to argue against workplace relationships because it might be awkward if it goes wrong, then the same goes for any relationship that arises from actually getting to know somebody over time in real life first (i.e. the old fashioned way, and as opposed to going down the tick-box online route). Say you get with somebody at a sports club of some sort (which is what I did). It's good while it lasts but it falls apart. You still want to go to the club but it's awkward. Same as if you get with somebody via a mutual friend. You'll both want to be friends with the mutual friend after your relationship ends, but it'll be awkward. So what? You're grown ups and you'll deal with it. Same with work. Daft reason to not even try in the first place.

for me i wipe it down with the sponge, as its a mix otherwise plus if the trousers get muddy / rain water the dirty water transfers to the legs etc