To be puzzled by workplace affairs/relationships?

[Linlin24]

It seems so common these days (both from on here and elsewhere) that colleagues become romantically involved.

Is it just me, or I struggle to see how this happens? Everywhere I’ve worked has been professional and barely any time to discuss non work matters!!

I just find it really overstepping the professionalism line.

I cannot fathom this. It's like those people who say 'myself' instead of 'me' because they think that's 'professional' too. Being a 'professional' doesn't mean being an automaton and forgetting you're human with human wants and desires. I'm pretty sure that as a senior lawyer I and my colleagues (and our banking/insurer/government clints), count as 'professionals', yet there's workplace dalliances/marriages going on left right and centre. So long as you're not actually shagging in the office (or at the very least not in the office when other people are about - the tension of closing a deal does funny things to people), then who cares? I certainly don't.

I met my other half at work. We’ve been together for about 25 years. We worked in different departments though.
We spend a lot of time at work so it seems odd that you’re puzzled how this happens.

My team at work are quite close, we chat, go for lunch together, nights out, etc, I count them all as friends! I would be surprised if someone was having an affair but not if two of the single ones got together.

I think a lot depends on the workplace.

I find it very difficult to imagine it at my current workplace (multi-office, hybrid, hot-desking which means that you don’t sit with the same people every day, and high expectations of professional behaviour).

I have zero problem imagining it at my last workplace, because it did in fact happen all the time.

I am much, much happier in my current job - make of that what you will.

Well if you start a "romance" with someone you work with there are are the potential problems if you break up. There is the complication of power imbalance if one person is higher up the ladder. There is the potential for personal relationships to create unfair dynamics etc etc
And then how many office " romances are between people who are already married or supposedly committed relationships?

All in all I think office romances are not a good thing.

to mitigate the power aspect id try to have an affair or relationship with a person in a different department but one who you still interacted with regularlly

I’m surprised you haven’t noticed a couple starting or an affair starting. I think I’ve only been really shocked when I found out once. It starts little with extra glances, one going out of the way to talk to the other, little bit more interest here and there. For single people, they’ll swap numbers at some point and message outside of work and get together on a work night out.

For the married ones, it usually needs a different catalyst to happen. They can’t often just be texting as you would if you were single. So usually when there’s a big project on and they are spending lots of time in meetings rooms, a work trip or being the only ones left in the building. The couple I was genuinely shocked at was an affair and I spoke to my ex-colleague afterwards. She said they were basically able to start the affair because I left! It was a small office and only 4 of us in that room, 1 left at 3. When I left that job, those two were left alone from 3-5 every day. Apparently there was always a small flirtation but not being watched allowed them to start doing a hug goodbye, then a peck on the check turned into something more.

Work is the place most adults spend a lot of their time at why is the idea so hard to imagine?

"Professionalism" only comes into it if problems arise. I.e. its "unprofessional" to take a relationship argument into the workplace, or to let a breakup affect your work, etc. If you (and the other person) can maintain "professional" when things turn bad, then no problem at all - most people can remain professional. Me and my first partner remained professional in our workplace when we broke up!

I met my husband at work 30 years ago, we are still married. At the time we worked for a very large company and there were many office romances.

I’m in my sixties and I can tell you categorically that every single place I have worked, people have been in relationships.

What sort of place do you work where nobody has the time to get to know their colleagues? It sounds awful.

I think it's normal especially in medium to big sized companies. Sometimes you know more about your colleagues life than your siblings or parents...
However, I do have a colleague that just finished their 5th relationship in 3 years. I do question their motives especially since their last conquest has been off with stress for the last 6 weeks, basically since they broke up. You can imagine the gossip involved in this is quite entertaining!

What a nasty thing to say

Wow.

Nigel.
He hasn't been good with due diligence.
He is probably trying to Reform.

I don't struggle to see how it happens. People spend a lot of time at work.
Personally, it's not something I'd ever do. I don't want my romantic relationship anywhere near my workplace.

Don’t have one then. I’m glad I did, though. Still together after 23 years and the loveliest man in the world. Glad I took the chance.

I didn't see any moral high ground in that response but you might have a check in the mirror 🪞

😱😱

Blimey, don't hold back there OP.

Well, that escalated quickly. You’ve just moved from naive and a bit oblivious to outright goady fucker! 😳

Oh. Your purpose for posting has finally been made clear! You think you’re better than everyone else! My ‘dropped my knickers’ on my first night out is next to me on the settee now. I dropped them for him 24 years ago and can’t seem to stop dropping them. Filthy, immoral woman that I am.

Ok, I think we can see why you find the idea of workplace relationships hard. It’s you…

Off to drop my (much less skimpier these days) knickers for my workplace romance of 15 years.

Yikes.

I shagged my now partner on our first date. Because I wanted to.

please stop slut shaming.

Dirty slapper 😃