To think in the past people had more stoicism and resilience and it’s a shame we’ve sort of lost that?

[Carrotted]

Towards the end of the battle of Waterloo, the Marquess of Uxbridge, a British general, had part of his leg blown off by a French cannonball. He was sitting atop his horse next to the Duke of Wellington, to whom he turned and said “By God, sir, I think I’ve lost my leg”, to which the Duke of Wellington replied “By God, sir, so you have”. He then went to the field hospital where the remaining leg was amputated without anaesthetic, while he joked with the surgeons.

Thats one individual and the story is probably elaborated for effect, but AIBU to think people in previous generations tended to be more stoic in the face of adversity. To have a “get on with it” attitude?

There are obvious downsides to that attitude, but it can have lots of benefits to have that approach to life.

AIBU?

Everyone is so pampered and physically we are less agile, fit and strong.

Thats fine, but the bloke never had to try and log into a website, with a password he knows is correct, to be told he's done it wrong and will be locked out, to then try and reset it to the password he thought it was but was told it was wrong, to then be told he can't use that password because he's already used it. All whilst standing at the counter of the shop of the website he's trying to log into because the thing he wants is only available to order online?

I'd like to see the fucker be stoic then

I'm very glad that it is generally more acceptable to be open about mental health, trauma etc compared to how it used to be.

Sounds like he was in shock!

People were not more resilient they just drank more!

I agree.
Plenty of long term studies have shown that having resilience, grit and seeing the benefits of delayed gratification are found in much higher proportions in very successful people.

I'm of the "get on with it" attitude, but combined with the belief that you should seek appropriate help when necessary. But I strongly believe that life has its ups and downs and bad times do happen, but that is normal, and feeling dreadful is a normal response to certain events.

I do feel that modern society seems to believe that one should expect to feel happy, content and fulfilled all the time, and if you don't then you need to rush to therapy or medication, instead of letting time and your own resilience deal with it, which in many cases would be sufficient.

I can clearly remember the ‘break the stigma’ campaign that encouraged people to be open about their mental health struggles and how unusual it was to hear people talking about them.
Then within 20 years it felt we have been swamped with everyone’s mental health stories. As a manager I am constantly told to enquire about and support mental health and encourage counselling and do stress assessments. It’s difficult to feel responsible for everyone’s happiness all the time.
I don’t think it’s a good thing overall. The constant message that if you feel anxious or stressed it’s something that must be labelled and that other people are responsible for sorting out for you.

Found it! 🤭

You only have to look at the way we now discuss ‘having anxiety’ as a general condition rather than recognising that certain things make us anxious but we can and will combat and move beyond that.

ODFOD. Love, a boomer xx

Where’s that resilience?! 😆

I have a condition which threatens the sight in my right eye. When I see the doctor about it he expresses surprise that I'm so upbeat about it. My answer is usually something like "at least I've got two"or "at least it's not a leg". He makes it pretty clear that I'm unusual among his patients.

I think that attitude is what you're referring to, and yes I think we are losing it as a society, and have pretty much 100%lost the resilience that got people through the loss, destruction and lack of food during WWii, so YANBU

How do we know they were more resilient? People got on with it in days gone by because they had no choice. No anaesthetic for childbirth, little respite against infections and diseases, etc. I'm sure not everyone was getting on with it cheerily.

These are exactly the reasons young people need grit and resilience. Life is hard. They need to be able to acknowledge that and push on, not be taught that it’s difficult so there’s no point in trying.

The NHS and the welfare system have taught successive generations that they don’t need resilience because the state will look after them.
Their creation after WWII was a lovely idea but I’m not sure that it’s panned out as the politicians hoped. People don’t need to be resilient because the bar for the safety net kicks in too quickly.

What birth years are you including in your bigotry here?

What a load of nonsense. People had more resilience in the past because they had no bloody choice. Its that simple.

Taking just one example, there were many after WW1 and WW2 dealing with what now to be PTSD who carried on with 'stoicism'. It led to suicide and/or various repercussions for the families who they came back to.

The people we don't hear about, who didn't cope as well with the Blitz - or insert whatever period in history you want - were swept under the carpet of history.

I think it's much better today that people can be open about their struggles and get help for it. It's more likely to stop the cycle of abuse, addiction or other negative coping mechanisms that would be in turn impact the next generation.

I wondered that too.

Did it hurt less to fall over and scrape your knee, lose a pet or break up with a boyfriend back then?

The NHS and the welfare system have taught successive generations that they don’t need resilience because the state will look after them

Its less generous now for younger generations though, far less social housing, reduced R2B, etc.

People are getting on with it. I know lots of people who have experienced multiple traumas and they keep going because they have to. Do you think everyone is just giving up on life when they face adversity? That's certainly not my experience.

I think I agree with this. I would hate to return to a stiff upper lip attitude, but equally resilience is important for the everyday stuff. We all have stories of ancestors who endured unimaginable events and somehow appeared none the worse (my own great uncle standing in a muddy trench for hours with his leg blown off) but this is an illusion.

We need a balance. When I think of what my gentle and sensitive father experienced as a child in the war, and then his service in the army and the police force, he saw the most horrible things and had to get on with it. It was incredibly damaging - for him and the family.

Trauma needs support. Everyday annoyances and misfortunes need resilience.

🤣

I completely agree.

I think it is great that people are able to be open about when they are struggling, but in the last few years it seems to have gone much too far.

Yes, tell me if you are finding it difficult because your mother is sick and you’re worried about her. We can adjust and lighten the workload for a few weeks.

No, don’t tell me (every bloody week) about what was uncovered about your childhood in your counselling session. I am not your secondary therapist. I am not even your friend. I am your manager.

Stop talking shite.
Love, another boomer.

Surely it’s obvious that anecdote is made up?t

that’s the issue with these rose tinted “it was all so great in the old days” sentiment- it’s not based on reality.