To think in the past people had more stoicism and resilience and it’s a shame we’ve sort of lost that?

[Carrotted]

Towards the end of the battle of Waterloo, the Marquess of Uxbridge, a British general, had part of his leg blown off by a French cannonball. He was sitting atop his horse next to the Duke of Wellington, to whom he turned and said “By God, sir, I think I’ve lost my leg”, to which the Duke of Wellington replied “By God, sir, so you have”. He then went to the field hospital where the remaining leg was amputated without anaesthetic, while he joked with the surgeons.

Thats one individual and the story is probably elaborated for effect, but AIBU to think people in previous generations tended to be more stoic in the face of adversity. To have a “get on with it” attitude?

There are obvious downsides to that attitude, but it can have lots of benefits to have that approach to life.

AIBU?

Do you know what would make society better?
If people helped and supported each other and respected people regardless of their generation instead of accusing them of being weak.
Also if there no wars, nobody would be blowing anyone’s leg off on purpose in the first place and we wouldn’t need that kind of “resilience”. So rather than more resilience, I wish the human race would finally learn to stop being so fucking violent!

😱 do you have any idea the seriousness of the pandemic on mental health? I was in a psychiatric hospital recently and many of the people detained there can trace their (obviously incredibly serious) problems back to the pandemic. These include OCD, addiction and severe stress.

obviously a holiday likely wouldnt have prevented their deterioration but that’s not the point- the point is your dismssiveness

What happened to the poor horse?

Having an entire wikipedia page devoted to his leg made me laugh! Having now read it, I think the 'By God Sir,' is the least impressive element of the whole story, the other comments he apparently made during the amputation are even better!

Back on topic, I think there are probably a mix of very stoical, resilient people, whiny people who crumble/moan at the slightest hint of discomfort, and everything in-between, and it was probably exactly the same in every generation throughout history! We just haven't recorded the moaners because, well, it's not very interesting/inspiring, really, is it?

If anything, the fact that the MoU's comments were considered noteworthy enough to be recorded and remembered, suggests that they would be considered an extreme level of composure/stoicism even then, as if everyone was that blase when getting shot it wouldn't have been worth noting!

Utter rubbish.
Lots of people of all ages have incredibly tough lives and get on with it quietly selflessly and without complaint today just as they did in the past.
And lots of people in the past were likely to have been self centred /cowards /snowflakes / "lacking in resillience" too.
The history books just dont bother writing about them.

Was everything handed to us? Damn. Must have not been paying attention. Some things were easier for sure, Uni grants (my parents didn't pay their share of mine, so that was nice). Doctors appointments were available.
We worked, were skint for years and so on. Petulance? Irritation with people rewriting a history they didn't live, for sure.

The problem began was when we started using 'mental health' as an umbrella to encompass everything that anyone experiences or has a feeling about, which includes emotional wellbeing, stress, life, and not mental illness.

It used to be defined as mental illness as in having a diagnosable mental illness and mental health being not having one.

Then it all got put under one umbrella when there really is no single term to define what 'mental health' actually looks like so it's all become some kind of vague spectrum from schizophrenia to 'I need a break from my kids for my mental health' or ' having a bath and listening to a podcast is good for my mental health' or 'social media is bad for my mental health'.

When most of the time people mean wellbeing or stress levels, not that those actions are treating or preventing a mental illness.

No - you have took my comments about people not being able to live their usual lifestyle then applied it to a group of people who were/are very unwell and under secondary care management.

The pandemic was a trigger yes, some new some pre existing with diagnosis.

I am referring to people literally complaining about not being able to go on holiday/gym/pub and being ‘upset’ and inconvenienced by a pandemic when people were dying - I want I want not really a need.

The two groups of people do co-exist

To lighten the tone a bit, I've recently been for a weekend away with DH and some in laws (one of them was not even a blood relation!!!)

There were a number of issues throughout the weekend - some more minor than others, but all of which could have generated a lively AIBU involving demanding compensation, massive lack of bathroom privacy, insufficient WCs, going no contact, sobbing and shaking, blatant ageism and several calls to LTB.

In reality, we had a jolly nice weekend, caught up with old friends and relatives, ate some superb food and had several late night, wine fuelled conversations which entertained 3 generations.

I am definitely not sitting here 2 weeks later seething and wringing my hands about how it was all "shit" and "ruined" maybe because I am a boomer

I think it’s very reasonable to be pretty miffed about losing your leg!

People’s expectations of life were very different in the past. Life expectancy was lower, people got ill and conditions were less treatable etc. you didn’t have much choice but to get on with it.

I do think the pendulum has swung too far the other way for some with any mild inconvenience or negative life occurrence being treated as a the end of the world or a ‘trigger’. But generally I think more empathy and consideration isn’t a bad thing. There’s a happy medium.

I've reported the past for ageism.
I'm not a 'Boomer' but I'm fucking sick of this pathetic, knee-jerk blaming of millions of people as though they were a homogeneous group.

Post

Don't bite.

Yes agreed especially with first two paragraphs

struggling with temporary stress is not the same as a diagnosed MH difficulty that requires intermittent or constant medication and care

I had a rotten start to the year but I know this was circumstantial I myself am not ‘ill’ and I need to manage mr wellbeing as best as I can because things pass - good ole MN ‘this will pass’

Absolutely shameful. I watched a documentary after years ago
Shot at Dawn, I think
That's when they were shot
For cowardice. It was one of the most heartbreaking things I have ever watched
Teenage boys and young men crying for their mums.
PTSD, now its called. Thank god more is known about it, although I think its bandied about far too much.

People claiming to suffer PTSD because they were misgendered etc
And dont bloody start me on "trigger warnings" 😤

Good point about the unresilient ones not being admired and documented. There are many hints in old literature. Women seemed to always be suffering with their nerves and having a lie down or fainting. That how they dealt with stressful situations- it was ok to be seen as delicate as it was feminine.
Men were allowed to check out of things by disappearing to their study!
Of course that was only a certain class of people. I suppose everyone else got drunk and fought or got put in an institution if they struggled with working class life.

And another.

I feel like this with some funerals where you're asked to wear bright colours. I was at one recently where it was all happy songs and even dancing in the aisles. Its ok to feel sad but its almost avoided now. The deceased was middle aged and died after a short illness.

Oh that was another point - and Ive have been absolutely shot down for this in the past on here. PTSD is no a given for experiencing a trauma some do develop symptoms some do not. Those that do really really struggle it is debilitating.

As for those that tout ‘I’ve been through trauma’ I need help PIP etc because they lost a job or a relationship ended and they moved house…nope these are awful and upsetting but not PTSD

Trauma = PTSD
Trauma = no PTSD but affected/upset
Life stuff = no PTSD it’s not trauma

Trauma tends to occur in a high threat/threatening situation which is different too stress stuff

Must say I often think of my mother, always a nervous worrier about absolutely everything, on her own in London during the blitz, dreading every day that there’d be a telegram to say that DF’s ship (for 2 years he was in the RN on N Atlantic convoys) had been sunk by German U-Boats and that he was ‘missing, believed lost’.

How she coped I have no idea, but somehow she did.

Generalising and anecdotal here, but women of my mother’s generation rarely got divorced if they were in unhappy marriages. They stayed with husbands who kept them short of money, as they often didn’t work, domestic abuse and obligation sex was tolerated. Not allowed to have a mortgage or their own bank account.

Women of my generation were less likely tolerate that and divorce became more common. Change was happening and more freedoms allowed.

Which of those groups of women was more resilient? The ones putting up with the shit life because they lacked choice. I’d say they were more resilient than my generation but it didn’t make them happier.

@lemonandlimes2 , drop the ageism.

Wow, generalisation of people of a certain age group; that's never happened on here before!

🥱

I am a boomer, nothing handed to me on a plate. My working life I had up to 4 jobs.. late DM left school at 14 moved from tiny Sussex hamlet to London at 18 in the blitz. Late DF did national service in Palestine and Cyprus, blue eyed blond,got skin cancer because of it. Lied about his age to serve in the war. Read Max Pembertons articles!

I was literally about to say this! You took every word out of my mouth

To add

The sciences of psychology and psychiatry have vastly improved in knowledge as have the medicines available. Modern psychiatry looks nothing like it did during Victorian times for eg. We don't lock people up in asylums at the rate we used to. We have developed therapy models and emphasised the importance of talking about feelings and trauma and not suppressing it.

We've learned a lot from the sad mental health effects of ex soldiers and lay people after the wars of the 19th and 20th century. We've also learned from the sad results of the mental health effects of those sent to the workhouses.

We also have more robust intermediaries like Social Services that can identify children being seriously maladaptively socialised, earlier, so they don't turn into seriously mentally ill people later in life. I fully remember the amount of animal cruelty, wife battery, child beating that existed in the past where people took out their pain on others instead of seeking help with their negative emotions.