Parents moved 6 hours away AIBU to not be keen to visit often?

[Juniperberry2025]

title should have said visit with baby, sorry

I am in my very early 30s and recently welcomed my first child last year. I have been raised in the place I live currently since age 4 (south of England), but was born and lived initially in the north east. My life, job, partner, friends and some family all live in the south where I live. I consider this to be my home.

In 2024 just before I fell pregnant my parents (Dad and Stepmother) moved back to hometown 6 hours away. I have visited twice but not since baby was born. Admittedly I was very upset when they decided to leave but I’m an adult and self sufficient so am fine without them here, though I am sad to have missed out on having a ‘village’.

They have been here to meet their grandchild twice since their birth. It’s quite stressful hosting as they don’t really understand that baby has a nap routine and other requirements and our house is very small but we have still spent lots of time with them when they came to visit.

They are constantly asking me to commit to travelling to them with the baby. Baby hates the car and partner works most weekends so it would be me and baby in the car alone and I am just generally not keen on going yet.

AIBU to not agree to a visit yet until baby is better in the car?

YABU - put your big girl pants on and go and see your family

YANBU - prioritise your baby, they chose to leave so onus is on them

Can they have some stuff at their place eg a light weight buggy. car seat? That would make it much easier to visit them.

I used to do the train with my baby but didn’t take much with me, had stuff at the DGP. Train much better than flying!

I’d just say we will make the trip down when the baby is older and car journey would be more manageable. Until then you are welcome to visit and we can face time regularly

Trains are easier because you can hold the baby. Most babies don't like cars because they can't see the parent.

My reaction too. It’s a tricky one.
I might leave it for a few weeks at least. And I say that as a committed granny who longs to see her grandchildren.

have you not gone on holiday or intend to go on one?

what’s the plan when you go back to work? My daughter is 11 months old hates the car seat and the buggy too! My parents live an 11 hour flight away so o do take her to them every 6 months or so! I won’t be going back to work full time until she starts at preschool at 3 so rather than have them travel I go to them. She doesn’t know any better and has a wonderful time when she gets to them. Very perplexed to has to why their swimming pool isn’t indoors! :) so won’t go in it.

We are going to Spain soon ☺️ the journey including trip to the airport and transfer the other side is still less than 6 hours.

Not sure what you mean about going back to work. I’ll go to work 20 minutes down the road and the baby will go to nursery.

Try the train, it worked for us? Meet in the middle of they are willing? If not, make your excuses and wait until you are all able to travel together.

If they can't be bothered to get you from the airport then l would not bother to go, it's up to them

I can't understand why they wouldn't want to collect you from the airport!

I wouldn't regularly travel for SIX HOURS to a random part of the UK even without a baby. I would do it for a one off holiday like Scotland, somewhere nice, but not for just a family visit because they moved away. Fuck that.

I think maybe the post above is saying that it becomes even harder once you are back at work and you are using up precious annual leave to make these trips! Although some things do also get easier with the passing of time such as being able to use a lighter-weight pushchair rather than a pram and them being able to amuse themselves, even a little bit, en-route.

My vote is for booking flights and putting the ball in their court with regards to picking you up.

The emphasis should be on them coming to you more often than not - and staying in a hotel.

But when you go to them you should
fly and they can collect you from the airport. Allowing you to sit in the back with the baby and look after them.

You obviously shouldn’t be driving 6 hours plus alone with the baby. you need to stop every couple of hours and it would be a nightmare.

they sound very selfish.

I agree.
I do an 90 at most.
I don't like car journeys and I certainly wouldn't inflict it on a baby or myself to do alone.
Not a chance.

I think yanbu to not visit. Uts a long way with a young baby. If you love your family though I'd have thought you'd go and see you DGM and dad once a year. You sound like you don't expect to travel to see them at all.

Im a gran i love my kids unfortunately in a few months my mortgage is ending and i have to find a lot of money my only option is to go hundreds of miles away im dreading it but the mortgage has to be paid and i cant live on the streets. Its easy to judge if your nice and comfortable

YANBU. If anyone chooses to move 100s of miles away (or 1000s) from the people/area they grew up in, then the onus is on THEM to visit. I know some will disagree, but this is how I feel. If either of my adult DC moved 100s of miles away - a 6 hour drive, (12 hour round trip,) I'm afraid I wouldn't be visiting. (OK, maybe once a year tops...) Too old and weary to bother. They'd have to visit me.

Luckily they both live 18-20 miles away. (THEIR choice). I have never told them I wouldn't visit (hardly) if they moved far away, but I really wouldn't be faffed with all the bloody travelling! It's exhausting. If they moved 1000s of miles away, I doubt I would visit at all. They'd have to come to me. DH feels the same.

Why have you got to go hundreds of miles away? (When your mortgage ends?)

Becouse it was interest only so unless you can find me £300k for my crappy london semi i have £250k max to find somewhere new.
Lots are in the same boat.

This is ridiculous, 1 hour in a car after maybe an hour or so flying is literally a fraction of the drive time you and your baby would have to do to get there. It sounds like control and tbh a bit like they cant be arsed. When my kids were little we were expected to drive 2 hours each way every other weekend to see their half siblings and family and I quickly started only going once a month or less after having a child who hated the car. The journey there was bad enough but the way back with an over stimulated baby whose routine had been totally ignored, despite my best efforts was hell. He cried nearly the whole time and nothing I did would stop it. Id drive 1.5 hours to my brothers and stop there and just have a cry while getting the kids sorted with their help and doing the last half hour home.
In hindsight I dont know why i did it for so long.
In your shoes I wouldn't go. Offering to fly is already a huge compromise with such a young child and they wont even make the effort to pick you up.

Did you say that they are retired?

Im in my 50s and would happily drive to you anytime. No way would I be expecting you to make that journey on your own with a small child .

Also a 6 hour road trip can easily turn into an 8 hour one depending on traffic.

I'd wait until you feel more settled in your child's routine always eases up a bit when they get older.
They might enjoy going on the train instead of driving.
Don't be under pressure though they moved away they will have to go at your pace.

So they are upset about not seeing you and your baby enough but aren't willing to put themselves out in any way to facilitate you travelling to them? I'd just not bother visiting them if they refuse all your suggestions about things they could do to make your journey a bit easier.

Lifes very different in your 50s to your 60's and 70's i know plenty of people who aged dramatically in 8 years unable to do what they did in their early 60's you cant assume everyone is the same.

Sorry @jannier, having read the thread, I picked up on her dad running ultra marathons and assumed he'd be fit and healthy.

My husband was a keen climber and walker a couple of years later the stairs are hard.