Parents moved 6 hours away AIBU to not be keen to visit often?

[Juniperberry2025]

title should have said visit with baby, sorry

I am in my very early 30s and recently welcomed my first child last year. I have been raised in the place I live currently since age 4 (south of England), but was born and lived initially in the north east. My life, job, partner, friends and some family all live in the south where I live. I consider this to be my home.

In 2024 just before I fell pregnant my parents (Dad and Stepmother) moved back to hometown 6 hours away. I have visited twice but not since baby was born. Admittedly I was very upset when they decided to leave but I’m an adult and self sufficient so am fine without them here, though I am sad to have missed out on having a ‘village’.

They have been here to meet their grandchild twice since their birth. It’s quite stressful hosting as they don’t really understand that baby has a nap routine and other requirements and our house is very small but we have still spent lots of time with them when they came to visit.

They are constantly asking me to commit to travelling to them with the baby. Baby hates the car and partner works most weekends so it would be me and baby in the car alone and I am just generally not keen on going yet.

AIBU to not agree to a visit yet until baby is better in the car?

YABU - put your big girl pants on and go and see your family

YANBU - prioritise your baby, they chose to leave so onus is on them

Facetime, and maybe plan a visit in the summer when you can both take her.

Did they move back to the NE for financial reasons and to look after parents?

Id fly. I use to do the drive from SE to NE every weekend, wouldnt fancy it with a baby. Flight much easier. You can hire a car at the other end if they wont pick you up.

Agree. Presumably OP discussed having children at some point, yet the parents still chose to move back to the north east. So it's on them I'm afraid.

My brother-in-law is a bit like this; he moved to the US and moans that his family siblings (all with young kids), don't visit him (sans kids) as often as he'd like. It's ridiculous, in the same way it's ridiculous for your parents to expect you to schlep 6 hours each way just because they fancied a change.

Yanbu and don’t have to visit but if you don’t like them visiting you’re going to have to accept you’re not going to see them a lot (people will suggest eg hotels/ air bnb but in real life those of us who have to visit people can’t really afford the costs now, it turns it into the cost of a holiday or meand you can only stay one night)

I do think on reflection you are being a bit precious. We took our 7 month away to Samoa Tonga and NZ backpacking for 3 months. It was fine. Parents today are totally neurotic about not disturbing the baby. It’s a damn sight easier to travel with an 8 month old that a 2 year old!

There's types of travel though. Or maybe you got lucky with an easy baby for that.

I've taken six kids from baby up on long haul travel and it was fine. They didn't mind the long flights. They were fine for the shorter trips between locations. It was all so much easier than the younger ones on just a two hour drive, let alone a six hour one. Some babies just aren't good for long drives. They're quite different from a flight where you can still interact with them and they have more freedom to wiggle around. Also quite different from back packing or other travel where they have interesting things to see around them and changes of place regularly. Driving with babies has always been the worst for us.

YANBU to not make that journey often but it sounds like there’s more family up there than just your dad/SM (which may have been the driver for their move?), so if you haven’t visited once yet for the older generation to meet the baby then I think you are being a bit awkward.

I am nearly 9 hours from my family and did have to travel that distance for a close members funeral with a 3 month old. Frequent stops (doesn’t require an overnight though!), maybe your partner can take some time off to facilitate this trip particularly if there is a time dependent element

There are so many solutions to this. Fly, go on a weekend when DH isn't working so you can share driving, do a stopover, meet halfway. Are you sure this isn't a punishment for them moving back to their hometown? You've already admitted to being resentful and upset about their move. There is going to have to be a bit of give and take here. When do you envisage baby being old enough to travel?

I lived nearly that far from my parents and a little further from my in laws when my first was born. We travelled more when i was on maternity leave than when i was back working. We did make sure we normally had at least 4 days, 3 nights to go to make it more worthwhile- maybe I was lucky my partner was happy to come and he’d do the driving. Once baby wasn’t tiny and needing feeding every couple of hours we always went after 6pm so baby mainly sleeping for the journey. I get it’s different as they have moved but going just sometimes feels reasonable.

My mum lives 4 hours drive away from me, always has done.

like hell would I be doing the drive, or going on the train.
if it’s the north east there are regular fast good trains down to London and they can get a hotel. They can do the travelling.

ignore the emotional blackmail (I know it’s hard)

A 6 hour drive is too much, with or without a baby. I'd go by train if possible. Could you meet them halfway for a day? Still a long drive but more viable.

A 9 hour drive with frequent stops would take me about 12 hours and I wouldn't be able to walk the next day! My legs start to seize up after 2 hours.

We were the ones who moved. We've taken the baby back once, when he was 9 months, over Christmas. Our family bend over backwards to make it easy, picking us up from the airport and are more than happy to do everything on baby time. We certainly didn't drag round relatives. The elderly relatives are ultimately your dad's fault, since he had his family so far away.

I did say I was upset but not resentful. I understand that they went to retire early as it meant they could buy a house for cash. I’m not sure, whenever she stops hating the car so much. I have offered to fly but they don’t want to have to give me a lift at the other end

They are not interested in meeting half way. They only want me to go up there to their home. It’s less about spending time with us in general and more about me doing what they want it feels

I’m ok with not seeing them a lot. They are not fine with not seeing us a lot though and they don’t want to do all of the travel

In that case you’re definitely right not to go if the can’t even be bothered to collect you from the airport an hour away!

The OP says they moved just before she fell pregnant. Should they have just stayed in a place they didn’t want to live just on the off chance the OP had a child in the future?
We have multiple children, and live where they were all raised, but they now live in various places ranging from 5 miles to nearly 300 miles away, we can’t live by them all.

In that case the next time they bring it up keep repeating I’m happy to fly to see you with baby but unfortunately you aren’t prepared to pick me up from the airport. Say this every time they mention not seeing you.

As that's the case, they can visit you.

MIL lives 6 hours away (at best can be 8 of traffic is bad)
She moved away DH grew up in the SE where we now live.
Our 4 DC are now teens young adults but when they were young we did visit once or twice a year. Babies are more transportable than toddlers ime.
However i wouldnt do the journey by myself both me snd DH went together so we could share driving and chilcare. Defintely wouldnt to do it by myself. We used to visit over bank holidays , usually Easter and between xmas and year. But never travel on a BH monday, add a days leave to avoid.
MIL has downsized and can no longer put us up, DC are older , we go once a year as now need to pay for an airbnb as well as petrol , service station stops, cattery/ pet sitting etc so it is expensive to visit her

Where is your Mum? Don’t you have her nearby? It sounds like your parents separated & your Dad then started a relationship with someone from back home. Does step Mum have grandchildren? I would imagine that she would prioritise her own over you & your baby.

She is being unreasonable not to meet you at the airport. I think that’s too far to drive. The train might be your best bet & look into railcard for money off.

It is very possible to drive that far with a baby if you have two drivers. However, the attitude with not wanting to pick you up from the airport would annoy me.

My mum is in the south but still around an hour away. Stepmum has no children. Dad and stepmum had a relationship before Dad and mum got together and then rekindled once my dad and mum split. She moved down from NE to be with my dad.