Struggling with response to friend re circumcision

[cultureclash]

A close friend of mine gave birth a week ago and she messaged me yesterday to tell me that her son has just been circumcised with crying faces and that she is an emotional wreck. I was shocked at this as it’s not something we have ever spoke about before so I enquired as to is her son ok and did he have some medical issues and she said no, cultural reasons. I kept the responses short and factual but Aibu that I struggled to show any compassion or empathy for her that she has just paid over £200 to have bits chopped off her precious newborn baby and she is more upset for herself than the pain that she has just put her newborn infant through. I am suprised at how strongly I have reacted to this, I just cannot imagine doing this to my baby. Aibu to feel like this? I obviously would never voice my opinions to her and cause upset but I am struggling with my own emotions around this.

Yes Jewish people who circumcise their children typically do it at a week old.

Not sure about Muslims

But any age for any reason beyond medical reasons is unacceptable.

Yes I know the reasons are different than FGM - but it’s not a race to the bottom. These are CHILDREN FFS. Male mutilation shouldn’t be ignored because it’s worse for women

Not to mention the foreskin is to keep the penis clean.

No

In my Jewish friendship and family circle I don’t know anybody who has circumcised their sons in the last 30 years or so.

I know a few people who aren’t friends/family who have and I judge them.

Not at all

we can all speak up, call out and report our concerns.

Seriously, your attitude is the attitude which ensures pedophile priests got away with raping children for decades

Agreed. Thank you.

Same.

Neither my ILs nor their siblings had their sons circumcised

And well protected, too! Having seen circumcised penises (never in person!) you can immediately see the effects of the glans being exposed to the air constantly, and rubbing on underwear etc. It looks almost calloused in comparison.

No, the foreskin is better left well enough alone, unless medical necessary!

Was it carried out at a private clinic that specialises in circumcision?

Fucking horrendous. I get chills even reading these sort of threads

Not only from a religious perspective but in the USA circumsion is normalised I think more Americans are circumcised than not.

Whether your for or against it, a non religious Brit getting their child circumcised is very unusual and weird

"What definitely harm results from circumcision?"

It wasn't that long ago a baby boy was in the news as he died as a result of complications resulting from a circumcision. ....

@shuggles I wasn’t suggesting that vaccination and circumcision were the same I was saying the rhetoric is strikingly similar. Ideas like doing something to a vulnerable child they haven’t consented to, that causes them pain and changes them. Ideas like, we don’t do that but I know people from where you’re from do. Social impacts like in some places having to show you’re complied to be included. You might believe the science, you might believe god says snip this bit off, or drs say it’s healthier, or just my family do or don’t do whatever it is.
i don’t think those who vaccinate are child abusers despite them hurting children for what they think is their own good, and characterising people circumsising their male children in that way seems wrong.

Cutting is required and you have to break the adhesion to the glans which requires tearing it away with a probe. It’s extremely painful as at that age the foreskin should be adhered. I have never known it to be done with an elastic band(Do you mean with a plastibell which leaves a clear plastic ring?) That is only one method and still requires some cutting(As do the others) .

As for sleeping perhaps you got lucky(I assume that some form of pain relief was used though it’s very difficult for it to be 100% effective) but sleeping is a well known response in newborns to trauma and pain.

I was surprised it was common in some areas/communities in the US.

It just is common in the us overall, there’s a whole thing about women preferring cut to uncut over there. Stuff Brits never really think about. Hence to me a non religious Brit getting their child circumcised feels extremely weird

It’s normal for the foreskin to not retract at all until puberty. It starts out life attached to the head of the penis with the same cells that attach nails to nail beds, then gradually separates on its own.

If the process is forced too soon (which it sounds like the case, as 10 is too young to worry about this), then scar tissue develops that really does hold the foreskin down. This is why you don’t try to retract little boys penises.

As for FGM, the type you describe is infibulation, which is the most extreme type. In some places around the world, it is “just” a ceremonial nick to the clitoris, that usually has no lasting effects.

Labia are part of the vulva.

"It’s normal for the foreskin to not retract at all until puberty"

This isn't true. Some boys can retract as young as 5, most by age 10 and almost all by age 16.

On the fence. If its done in a sterile medical environment with anesthetic by a qualified doctor thats much more reasonable than in a place of worship by someone who isnt a doctor.

Operative words “medical reasons”.

Oh that’s okay then. 🙄 Fine to remove a body part for non medical reasons that doesn’t need removing and put a baby / child through unnecessary pain, as long as it’s done in a medical setting.

I just can’t get my head around that this was a woman who wouldn’t even drink caffeinated coffee during pregnancy and worried if she took enough folic acid to then inflicting pain intentionally on her newborn and cutting bits off him I can’t fathom.

So really it’s carried out because men are minging and sleeping around? Seriously?

I agree about the pierced ears but how is that compatible with getting a bit of your willie CUT OFF.

@Ohthatsabitshit I wasn’t suggesting that vaccination and circumcision were the same I was saying the rhetoric is strikingly similar. Ideas like doing something to a vulnerable child they haven’t consented to, that causes them pain and changes them.

I just gave you a number of crucial differences which mean they should be treated as two very distinct things.

I already explained that the "change" that occurs with vaccination is not a perceivable change, in the overwhelming majority of cases. Vaccination does not make you feel different, or make your body function differently. This is not the case with circumcision.

i don’t think those who vaccinate are child abusers despite them hurting children for what they think is their own good

The pain is completely different, and the pain is not the main issue.

I've had dozens and dozens of needles during my life. Needles barely hurt at all. Vaccinations barely hurt.

Obviously having part of your genitals cut off would be a lot more painful and severe. I am not sure why you can't see the difference.

@Differentforgirls So really it’s carried out because men are minging and sleeping around? Seriously?

And of course, most men would be rarely having sex outside of a relationship.