Struggling with response to friend re circumcision

[cultureclash]

A close friend of mine gave birth a week ago and she messaged me yesterday to tell me that her son has just been circumcised with crying faces and that she is an emotional wreck. I was shocked at this as it’s not something we have ever spoke about before so I enquired as to is her son ok and did he have some medical issues and she said no, cultural reasons. I kept the responses short and factual but Aibu that I struggled to show any compassion or empathy for her that she has just paid over £200 to have bits chopped off her precious newborn baby and she is more upset for herself than the pain that she has just put her newborn infant through. I am suprised at how strongly I have reacted to this, I just cannot imagine doing this to my baby. Aibu to feel like this? I obviously would never voice my opinions to her and cause upset but I am struggling with my own emotions around this.

@Thebigarsedbitch There are fewer issues around hygiene

How would you feel if you were told that your genitals were unhygienic because they had not been surgically modified?

at the risk of sounding like Charlotte in Sex and the City, it is also more aesthetically pleasing too.

I have yet to meet a single heterosexual woman who takes pleasure in looking at dicks and photographs of dicks. The overwhelming consensus among women is that penises are not pleasant to look at, regardless of how they look.

The problem I have with that post is that I can’t believe any mother would look at a new born baby and consider their future sex life then decide to cut a bit of them off to please future partners.

A baby!

It's also silly as it's making assumptions about the baby as an adult, and the baby's future sex partners.

Data shows people are having less and less sex. I believe it's almost 30% of men under 30 that haven't had sex within the past year. Presumably that's because men outside of relationships generally don't have sex.

Regardless, it looks a bit silly to have a 20-something year old man who rarely speaks to women, rarely socialises, and spends all of his day either working, studying, or playing computer games, and yet, part of his penis is missing because his sexual partner might prefer it... even though he doesn't have one...

The law should be that baby circumcision is carried out only in certified medical centres with proper anaesthesia. I don't approve of it being done to babies, but this would be a first step.

Also, he could be gay. So the only people looking at his penis in that way would be other men.

The poor kid.

I probably wouldn't consider her a friend anymore tbh.

I doubt this (but idk).
How did you leave the convo, @cultureclash ?

How on earth did she allow this to be inflicted on her poor baby boy ?!! So sad. Horrible to read about and even worse to hear about. I wouldn’t be able to listen to this without making my opinion known.

It's standard practice in many cultures. What's most off putting is the judgement. Your feiend reached out in need and you judged her decision. Or her family's decision. That's not being a good friend.

Nonsense. It's fine to judge people if they do reprehensible things. I would judge a friend who hit their child and I don't give a fuck if that's "standard practice" in their culture.

That's no excuse. They are adults and must behave as adults.

I'm not suggesting for one moment that men should alter their genitals, I was merely stating my own preference. As I said, I wouldn't have agreed to circumcising my son, even though my husband was circumcised - he doesn't know why as there were no religious or cultural reasons at play. But having had my first sexual experiences with American men who were circumcised - it is still the norm in the States - I can still remember my shock and yes, revulsion, when I encountered my first unadulterated male member!

Oh no, a foreskin! Run!! (As if the entire penis doesn't look endearingly ridiculous anyway.)

Imagine if a man said he was shocked and revolted by 'uncut' labia minora, and thought vulvas with the labia trimmed up were much prettier. It's a little bizarre that whole cultures have been groomed to think that genitals that have had an important part amputated are more appealing.

Ok then; we will just tell all those who may be subject to differing levels of DV or other forms of spousal abuse - You're an adult and you must behave as an adult.

Ridiculous comment.

Unethical whether cultural or not. Going to also throw in the getting babies ears pierced. Not my business what someone chooses to do to their child but that’s the point really- ‘doing’ something that causes their child pain- unfathomable to me. I would struggle to support a friend in your situation. You either say something and work through it and/or just walk away as doesn’t sit as OK with you. Why is she led by her husband?!

From your individual perspective.

Not from mine, and I’m female too.

The hygiene thing is ridiculous, and if your mitigation for having sex with a man who doesn’t wash is ‘oh well, at least he is circumcised’ then the foreskin isn’t the main issue.

Ditto STI concerns. Circumcision doesn’t replace Safe sex, testing , condoms etc

And if you are at risk of sounding like a fictional TV character maybe look at how many other narrow minded judgemental stereotypes you adopt.

Genital mutilation is genital mutilation, apart from rare medical reasons there is no need for it. You should call the police because it's child abuse.

It sounds as if she may be having some issues in her relationship, so I would say you should be supportive. Are you never supportive of friends who take decisions you don't necessarily agree with. Didn't Candice Brathwaite write about something like this a few years back?

I'd rather be supportive to the helpless baby.

The deed's been done. It won't reattach... surely your job as a friend is to support her going forward. Funnily enough, I has this reverse situation a few years ago with someone who was considering not having a brit (she is Jewish).I though she was batshit crazy but I did support her, so when she went ahead with it in the end, she felt it was her decision alone rather than having been pushed into it.

Of course they are very different. But I’m sure you know that the age at which the foreskin can be retracted comfortably varies considerably from around 7 onwards, and before that it is not in any sense a “flap of skin”.

When it comes to child protection, yes, a parent should do all they can to protect their child and not be pressured by others. We don't know if there's any actual abuse or even if the mother didn't want to do it.

That would be pointless, however much we disagree with circumcision. At this point in time, it isn’t illegal, so there’s nothing the police can do about it.

Of course it's my own individual opinion - it could hardly be anything else could it? As for other judgemental opinions, I try not have them, which is why I advised the OP to put her own feelings to one side and support her friend, who obviously has mixed feelings about circumcision herself if she is upset about the pain caused to her son.