7 year old child left alone whilst dad goes to the shop

[Pinkie89]

My recently turned 7 year old son has just told me that when he’s at his dad’s, he is sometimes left alone whilst dad goes to the shop. Said shop is a 10 min walk each way. So I’m thinking he’s left alone for a minimum of 30mins! Dad closes the curtains and leaves him a key to get out incase there is a fire.
I am in shock! My son can’t use a key at my house, so I doubt he could use one there! Good forbid something happened. I’m questioning my own judgement but surely this isn’t normal/acceptable? What would you do in this situation? I don’t want to ruin the relationship I have with his dad and make things awkward but I don’t feel like this is something I should have to teach him, as a grown man I’d expect him to know this isn’t ok and very dangerous! Also, he has all week to do his shopping! Or he could grow a pair, realise he’s the parent and tell my son he has to go with him!

This is true, I hadn’t considered this. There is only one external door at my ex’es, and he would be at risk of having to exit through a window. He wouldn’t know how to and possibly wouldn’t be physically able to break a window.

Absolutely not ok and anyone who thinks it is it absolutely stupid and completely irresponsible.

OP I totally agree with you.

For the sake of not dragging a 7 year old away from the toy/tv he’s using to go to the shop, is it worth even the 1% chance of an emergency or disaster?? Absolutely not.

If dad left because there was an emergency situation and it was unavoidable then maybe that’s different because it’s urgent and immediate. But to wander off to the shop? Just take the 7 year old.

I get all this “teach them resilience” stuff but also, what happened to just letting kids be kids? And be reliant upon parents rather than forced into growing up too young??

So are most of Asia and Europe "absolutely stupid and completely irresponsible" then?

Leaving a 7 year old sensible child sitting in the sofa for 30 minutes is not forcing children to grow up too quickly. Kindly get a grip. Children are different. Mine were calm and sensible. My friends children on the other hand, I wouldn’t leave alone at 12 either as goodness knows that they could do in 30 mins…

You’re missing the point completely. I don’t care if the risk is less than a billion, it can be avoided very easily so why take that risk with my child’s life. Taking your point, does this mean even younger children/babies should be left unattended because the risk is minimal?
Me dropping down dead isn’t avoidable, my daughter is home most of the time when my son is and would know what to do, she has a phone and I also have a phone which they would be able to use (my ex doesn’t have a second phone to leave my son). However, yes, I will teach him to unlock my door. I do think he could unlock my back door as that is a lot less fiddly than my front.

I don't like it when my DH leaves our 7 year old with one of her older brothers either (10 and 12) but the kids all have different activities and I work very long hours in London. We don't leave her alone, but then again this evening there was a misunderstanding with 12 year old that resulted in her being briefly alone. Not the end of the world either.

You’re telling me to get a grip whilst simultaneously acknowledging that every child is different?? OP has asked about HER 7 year old who turned 7 last month, is worried about even going downstairs alone and who isn’t aware or alert to dangers and wouldn’t respond well to them.

Anyone advising her that it’s appropriate to leave THAT SPECIFIC 7 year old alone for half an hour are the ones who need to get a grip, kindly of course 🙄

It's a cultural norm where I live, and it makes kids confident, resilient and capable. In fact emphasising independence, competence and self-sufficiency in kids was part of my 3 year training as a childcare worker and informs my current attitude. 100% safety is literally impossible to achieve anyway. Most home accidents happen to children when an adult is present.

In Germany there are less fatal home injury accidents among children aged 0-14 than in the UK, despite the fact that 7 years olds are legally allowed to be home alone for up to 2 hours, and many are. Make of that what you will.

Well, we're talking about 7 aren't we. Sitting on the sofa watching TV for 30 minutes. I would be concerned if my child couldn't cope with that to be honest.

Do you take him anywhere in the car? That's a lot more risky than leaving him at home.

All depends on the child really. Mine could open the door with a key at 3 - I know because the little bugger locked me out & took a lot of persuading to let me back in!

Hmm no landline ? No neighbours ?Surely a 7 year old knows how sumonds help in an emergency. I left mine for the first time to collect my sister from the train ( 5 mins drive) when they were 9 & 7, they knew how to use the phone and the neighbours were home.

My 7 year old can’t even reach the door latch so no he’s not ready to be left, he couldn’t get himself out safely. That’s not neurotic.

Children are not made resilient by being forced into situations they aren’t developmentally ready for.

I wouldn’t leave a 7 year old alone but you should teach him what to do in an emergency, you never know what might happen.

But when did you start? You said these things can be built up? So when is appropriate?

For all the parents who say their child knows what to do in a crisis, how many of them have acted calmly in an actual crisis whilst on their own?

It’s all very well saying they know what to do, but would they if they had to do something.

If say an intruder was in their garden would a 6 year old know what to do and stay calm?

If you have dogs do you leave them in the same room as a 6 year old when you are out of the house?

When police came to my son’s Primary school to talk about road safety they gave out leaflets that explained under 8s don’t have the same spatial awareness as older children/adults and therefore can’t judge the speed of a car in the same way as someone older, so much riskier for them to be crossing roads on their own

Where I am from, that is the age children start to be home alone so to me it sounds like a good way to practise being home alone.

Being 6 and being 7 can be days or hours apart. It's idiotic to place such gravity on the number.

Your teeth cleaning excuse is also badly thought out. If you can teach a child to use a key and act in n emergency then they're perfectly capable of learning to brush their teeth adequate every time, boring or not. You're just making silly claims for things you wanted to back up and making excuses for those you don't.

I didn’t go to primary school in the UK but remember getting the bus in on my own from about the age of five. The bus stop was a 10 minute walk from the house and my mum would wave me off at the doorstep.

From the age of nine, I’d pick up my younger sister from her classroom, go home, walk and feed the dog and start dinner as mum worked until 6pm and dad was military so was often away.

When we came back to England, it was quite a surprise to find that level of independence was frowned upon by most parents!

7 feels young to me personally. Mine weren’t left alone until more like 9 and that was for 10 mins max to go to the corner shop.

If you mean leaving them alone, 6 or 7 was reasonable for mine.

There's lots of talk on here about fires and intruders etc. etc. (not sure where those posters live, it sounds dodgy) but there is also a risk attached to not letting kids have independence. A risk to their self-confidence and development.

But not 5? Odd.

I think we can calm down about then not having enough independence - they haven't missed the boat entirely before year 3, still plenty of life left to learn.

I am shocked a 7yr can’t unlock a door tbh

and if he follows you about /doesn’t like being alone - how did ex manage to leave him home alone not being upset

and why didn’t he take him - is he a lazy dad @Pinkie89

is big sister a different dad and why she doesn’t go to ex

tho if she is older You must have 2 ex’s / her dad and sons dad

Not if parents don't let them through fear of the bogeyman. I used to teach Y6. Some of those kids were increadibly fragile and risk-averse. The ones with the overbearing parents mainly. Like the Pink Floyd song "Mother".