My friend has driven off and left her toddler with me after I refused to babysit…

[DojaPussy]

I have been friends with “Claire” for 10 years, I have no children and she has 4.

Claire struggles with all the children and her DH left her when she was pregnant with the youngest “Barry” who is only 2.
He didn’t want more than 2 kids but a mixture of pressure and “contraceptive failures” led to number 3 where he tried to cope but issued an ultimatum about any more and booked a vasectomy as he said he couldn’t risk Claire getting pregnant on the contraceptive injection again.
Before he could go ahead with it baby Barry was on his way so he packed his bags and left, he sees the two eldest but not the youngest two now.
Claire has only ever half heartedly tried to deny it was on purpose and just said she was 40 and desperately wanted another and was nearly out of time.

Claire is constantly asking me for help with childcare and I’ve helped a bit over the years but I hate it because she’s very soft with the kids and they are a nightmare to look after and I didn’t choose not to have my own to help raise someone else’s!

I’ve been off work this week and have been having a lovely relaxing time with long lie - ins, going to the gym, the hairdresser, seeing friends, hiking and just enjoying free time.
I was supposed to go away for a short break but finances wouldn’t allow it so I’m trying to make up for that with other little treats.
I have a pedicure booked today at 3.45 at local spa hotel round the corner and bought a day pass to use the gym and pool facilities then was meeting a friend for dinner in the hotel restaurant.

Claire asked yesterday if I could look after Barry today because she “has an appointment” I suspect its meeting someone she’s been dating because she’s mentioned before that he works from home Friday mornings then finishes early and she wouldn’t elaborate on the appointment except to say “it’s important”.
I said no I wasn’t watching Barry and told her my plans, she said he could come along and I said absolutely not it wouldn’t be allowed!
She begged me to change plans but I said I’d lose money and I won’t get a chance or have the time to go for a long time - plus I just don’t want to.
Claire slammed the phone down and I thought she had got message.

She turned up at my house about half an hour ago to apologise and I let her in and we had a little chat and after 15 minutes she started begging me to babysit again, I said no again and she started crying hysterically saying she can’t cope anymore, she’s then walked off to her car and got in it and has driven off!

I think the whole performance was planned and I’m not wasting my plans being manipulated into childcare.

I have a few options and looking for advice on what people think I should do next…

I could take Barry to his dads at work but that seems unfair on him,

Take him to her sisters who works from home (another frequent reluctant target for babysitting) in the hope she is in,

take him to my neighbour who is a childminder and see if I can pay her to mind him (and get reimbursed off Claire) I know Claire would normally be against this as she usually doesn’t like leaving kids with people she doesn’t know but after today’s antics I’m not sure she’ll care.

I have so far text Claire and left messages saying I’m ringing the police if she doesn’t come back and if the other options fail how unreasonable would it be to do that? I thought I’d give her half an hour where I have typed out this post and I’ve text her parents and I’m waiting to hear back from them in the hope one of them might be free to collect him.

I’m guessing all the people above have been asked and refused so that makes it trickier.

I’m seething with anger and can’t believe she’s done this. It’s the sort of thing that’s in cheeky fucked legend but you don’t think anyone would do in real life!
It’s lucky we live in a small village where I know most of Claire’s friends and family because if I don’t track someone down Barry is getting dropped at the police station. I’ve wasted so much time on this already.

Changed my name not to be outing but tbh I don’t care if the situation is outing because if Claire didn’t want people to know what’s she’s done then she shouldn’t have done it.

Thank god you're not related to her, and end this 'friendship'!

Yeah tell the police. Someone did this to me once.

Me and my mates got conned into babysitting a woman we knews 3 yo daughter as she said she had to go to college.

She'd keep picking her up later and later and then once after going AWOL for three days we had enough and called the police and she was found in a crack den.

She'd been kicked out of college months before and just spending all day doing drugs in this hovel.

"Deliberately got pregnant".

Did she hold him down and extract his semen against his will? Don't make me laugh.

Poor, poor child.
Some women should take it up the arse. Not that the father is much better.

She told him she was on the pill, but she wasn't.

It's not rocket science.

would you all really get the police to take a baby when you could just go to another family member of the child and ask for their help?
I wouldn’t have called police either.

So what? Even if she was on the pill then she still could have got pregnant. The pill has a failure rate of 10% in practice.

I will stand by my belief that any man who is 100% adamant that he doesn't want kids should not be ejaculating inside a woman without using some sort of barrier method.

The MIL sounds completely unbothered.

Probably because Claire left Barry with his stepmom. Which is the same reason why the OP is never going to call the police or SS. Probably...

Oh, that'll be Clair with the personality disorder, I feel very sorry for her children.
Her ex is also a pos for abandoning 2 of his children.

This mother isn’t coping. The child could be at risk. Surely you can see that?

She's a selfish cow.. Take him to the dad he is his son..

Your friend has psychological problems if she has had two children without her ex's consent. You need to contact social services to get support for her and especially for her children.

That belief is all well and good but hopeless when it comes to women with psychological problems deliberately getting pregnant to fill a void, to avoid having to return to the workforce, as a desperate attempt to hold onto their partner when the relationship is already strained...

Any woman who deliberately comes off the pill or has her coil removed without her partner's consent is an abusive person.
It works both ways.

Yeah this language implying that men are near enough being SA'd and forced into conception when they've consensually chosen to ejaculate into a woman's vagina while deliberately forgoing a prophylactic?! It's misogynistic.

You really need to make a social services referral, with all pf the information you have put here, and whatever else you know.

You aren’t opening a can of worms for the other kids, you are helping to safeguard them. If mum isn’t coping there is a good chance they are taking on responsibilities that aren’t appropriate for their age. For all you know, she’s done this to them too.

Socisl services won’t remove children for this. But it gives them an opportunity to look at support systems, housing etc.

Another vote for police and social services.

You still need to report this to social services.

It's not about your friend but about the welfare of her kids. She dumped her kids on you and ran off saying she couldn't cope but probably went to see the boyfriend.

The kids are innocent and their safety needs to be put first.

Agree.
The OP seems determined to say the man is an 'innocent' party, not just once but TWICE. Its laughable.
He is worse than his ex for abandoning two children. He's a feckless deadweight of a sperm donor.

She is acting in a very selfish and irresponsible way. Is she fit to care for these children. Quite possibly not. I would ring social services. No point in waiting till it all reaches crisis point.

Yeah 💯 true.

God poor Barry, little beggar

She sounds absolutely bonkers OP and not safe to care for a child who at such a young age could quickly end up in life threatening situations or severely malnourished if he isn't being adequately cared for.

You need to report it to the police. Don't just tell social services because they might well just fluff over it and make out like you'd agreed to care for him and mum didn't realise he wasn't safe. Tell the police and leave a very obvious paper trail to show that you told mum she needs to collect him. Don't be the reason this defenseless child falls through the cracks

No, she told him she was on birth control when she wasn’t. I don’t know many men who would need to be held down to ‘extract’ their semen.

Poor Barry. Unwanted by his father and dumped by his mother onto anyone who takes the bait.
There will be plenty of people who would to have children but are unable to. Plenty who would love to give him a loving secure home x

Exactly this .. "could take Barry to his dads at work but that seems unfair on him" - it might be BUT he is the father!!

If it was me, I'd end the friendship and never respond to her again.

To quote Catherine Tate .. taking a f@#king liberty!