Eating beef in the house

[Frazzled252]

Partner is an atheist but was raised Hindu and is very aggressive about me eating beef. I have told him I will eat beef as it’s his belief not mine. I ate it in the house tonight and he has called me an a**ehole and is demanding I throw away the plate and cutlery I ate it on, yet he goes to many restaurants where they serve beef and eats on those plates. AIBU?

@Frazzled252 absolutely LTB there's always help around if you need it.
Don't put up with it anymore but please keep safe.

How the hell can it be "religious hatred" if he isnt, by his own admission, religious?!

There is actually such a thing as Hindu atheist if you did some research

But read her updates, @Frazzled252 banned meat altogether when she was vegetarian and still won't allow pork because she is Jewish.
I think this is push back from partner.

Both unreasonable and not mature or flexible enough to make it work

You appear to be confusing @Frazzled252 with some other people who have replied to her thread.

"Considerate" towards someone who has a tantrum & calls her an "arsehole" for transgressing what can only be an atavistic taboo in an atheist?
Give us a break.

The beef is one thing, the way he spoke to you to resolve the dispute is another. Unless this is a blip in his character I would be very wary of him.

I feel like you need to raise your standards. Why are you living with someone that you’re incompatible with, how did the relationship get so far before you realised that you have different core beliefs and need to break up?

You need to get better at raising your standards and filtering out those men who are unsuitable!

For a lot of Indians who grew up in India irrespective of their religion eating beef is a bit like eating puppies. He might be ok with it outside but not feel comfortable with having dead cow remains in his home. Similarly some people might be ok to have a meal when visiting countries that eat dogs but not want to have puppy meat in their house.

If he has never mentioned this preference and suddenly called you an arsehole out of the blue then he is out of order. But if you knew how uncomfortable it makes him and you still ate it then I would say you probably are an arsehole.

You are being very insular. In many parts of india slaughtering cows is actually illegal and they are not viewed as just cattle. As I've said above, most people grow up to have a lot of affection and respect for cows, which makes it difficult to view them as food. Pretty much exactly the way in the UK most people don't consider dogs to be primarily food.

Having said that I've read that op has decided to end it and I whatever my opinion on this particular incident is I think you know your relationship best op and if you think this was the final straw it's definitely the the right decision for both of you.

He called you an arsehole and demanded you throw away a plate and cutlery because you chose to eat beef? Oh my, he sounds like a keeper doesn’t he?! Not!!! Why on earth would you stay with someone like that? Seriously, get rid!

I agree with you but in this case the OP has stated he is British born and raised.

So he just wants to let you know who is the boss in the home, and this beef non-issue presentd him with an opportunity to abuse you...

Is he gujju? I’ve met quite a few hindus that eat beef.
Definitely get out of this relationship as soon as you can.

Whilst it’s true that the cattle aren’t slaughtered, they’re just released to be loose, which causes dangerous problems for others and a miserable life for the cattle. They get hit by traffic and have to scrounge food from rubbish tips. It’s an acknowledged problem.

Neither of you are coming across well here. How much do you like beef? It's not a massive ask for you to give up eating it at home unless you're some kind of die hard red meat eater. But if you insist, then get separate plates and cutlery for it. Equally though, he should not be hurling insults at you.

Yeah thought this would be the kind of shit he would pull, he’s a dickhead. Set yourself free OP.

No it's not culture. It's religious. Other people come from India and eat beef. 20% of India's population isn't Hindu

Yes, I know. I still think it's cultural.

Lots of British atheists celebrate Christmas. That's cultural too.

Also, it's worth noting that many Sikh people choose not to eat beef. No religious prohibition. Just culture.

Wow! Or you could I don't know, not let your partner control your eating habits maybe.....

Op I think I'd be getting rid of him as well as the cutlery.

Hope your ok, but I don't see any future for you together and I wouldn't fancy bringing kids up with him either.

He sounds very controlling and I get the feeling this isn't the only thing he's been controlling about

I don't think that is the problem here.

It is the verbal abuse, which you seem to accept as normal. It really isn't.

I think there is quite a strong cultural influence on kids with Indian parents being brought up in the UK. I hate to use an analogy to death but imagine being brought up by British parents in a dog eating country. They would probably pass on these values to you. I am ethnically Indian but grew up in a European country and even though I don't have a problem with meat there are some cultural habits that I can't shake. For instance I'd never touch a book on purpose with my foot and if I inadvertently do I do this little apology thing which I was taught as a child.

I said I don't have a problem with meat (and even though I'm vegetarian I cook beef for my family) but I doubt I'd be happy about my family storing dog meat or insects or something I just can't see as food in our house).

When I have conservative visitors from India I don't prepare or even keep beef or pork in the house because I know it would make them uncomfortable. I don't think it's a big deal.

It's cultural. I have lived in India and had many Muslim and Christian friends apart from atheists like me and I don't know a single person who ate either beef or pork. Non vegetarians usually eat chicken, seafood or mutton. You wouldn't easily find beef (or pork) in shops or restaurants. Cows are considered holy because they give us milk but there is a lot of stigma attached with eating beef. Irrespective of religion there are very, very few people who eat beef in India. It really is a big deal.