Mother in law

[Markor]

Family/inlaw issue.
Hi ,
I have been with my wife for almost 20 years and over that time we have spent a lot of time with her mother & step dad - often they would come to our house once every two weeks and stay over the weekend .
we do an awful lot for them and I always make them feel welcome.
many times over the years the mother in law will refer to our home just as her daughters ( it is my wife and myselfs home jointly) . I have corrected her on many occasions and she simply brushes it away. I always find it a sleight of hand and to be honest, disrespectful.
this weekend just gone our pet dog had gone upstairs and my wife said to her Mum that he had been in our bedroom hiding from our tortoise ( he’s a silly dog!)
in front of me the mother in law laughs that the dog was hiding and says to the hard of hearing father in law that the dog was in her daughters bedroom - I corrected her and said I think it might be mine also , she then repeated to the father in law that the dog was on her daughters floor in there. I corrected her again that I think she means “our” floor.
The mother in law then replied “ Yeah whatever”.
I was fuming and told this to my wife when out the room . She’s been doing it years and if put on the spot always says “I don’t mean anything” .
after my wife having words with her mum in the kitchen , about half an hour later the mother in law said “ I’m sorry , I didn’t mean anything about it’ . I was still angry/upset and told her how it’s not on, that she’s been doing it for years and that I always make them welcome in our home and that I personally put home jobs on hold when they stop over . That I find the comments disrespectful , particularly the “yeah whatever” when challenged about it.
in typical mother in law fashion, she then got all defensive and sat in another room.
The atmosphere was terrible , the mother and father in law had a cooked meal my wife made, stayed a couple of hours after that ( I just wanted her to leave) .
my wife agrees her mother is being disrespectful but there is a degree of “ you know what she’s like”.
right now I want to keep her away from our home for several weeks or so, so she can realise snd understand it is my home also and she needs to respect it.
am I being petty or out of line? . Thoughts please. Thank you

Think you are making a mountain out of a molehill

get over yourself is my advice.
it is a turn of phrase.

Sorry, but you are being ridiculous.

Yes you need to get over it. This is not a issue!

Big baby 😘 🍼

They sound slightly silly, but I’d just laugh and ignore them. Feeding their silliness will just make it worse. 😉

in typical mother in law fashion, she then got all defensive and sat in another room.

missed this little gem. My advice has changed. Get over yourself and your misogyny.

My kids sometimes all our bedroom “daddy’s room”, maybe I should reprimand them for that!

if your FiL is hard of hearing, have you ever thought it’s just easier for her to say “the dog is in Debbie’s room” rather than “the dog is in Debbie and Dave’s room” one less thing for him to mishear!

It your house too. You work hard for it. For her to repeatedly say its her daughters house when you have made it clear that it bothers you is disrespectful. She may not have ment anything by it but after been corrected and not stopping she is being bitchy. If my mil did that i would be annoyed. She is out of order.
Having said that you cant reason with the unreasonable so dont waste effort trying. If she is pleasant in other ways i would be able to get pasted it without a big fall out. For yours and your wifes sake more than anything. Its not worth her (your wife) being upset and feeling in the middle of it.
Quietly know you are right but dont let it eat you up or cause drama. You have made your point she knows you were annoyed. Move on now.

it’s silly really because the effort you make, or not, is not for the pil per se, it is for your wife. You know it’s your house too….. over to you Elsa… “let it go, let it gooooooo!!’

I agree with you, they are coming to your HOME and making sly digs that it is not really yours, all while you put yourself out for them. I'm with you.

Just go out or busy yourself when they visit, it's fine.

You are really over thinking this and seem determined to be offended

If I were telling my husband I was going to my brother and sister in law's house I would say "I'm going to DBro's now". That doesn't mean I don't recognise it is also my sister in law's house. If one of my kids wanted something that was in my and my husband's bedroom I would say "have a look in my room"; that doesn't mean I don't think of it as our room.

It must be like walking on eggshells trying to have a conversation with you.

Meh. It’s just a turn of phrase. I think you’re being very OTT.

It would annoy me too OP, but you are a male, you won't ever get any one seeing your point of view on here. Many women on here will fight tooth and nail to make it the blokes fault, for whatever reason.
It would annoy the hell out of me. Her apologies are lip service evidently if she keeps doing it and knows it upsets you. It would royally piss off any woman on here if her husbands mum kept saying it's just her sons house and not her daughter in law.

Id give her a wide berth. A lot of posters on here think the woman should be exempt if the male is the one complaining.

"in typical mother in law fashion,"

This sentence tells me all I need to know about you. Do you think that her behaviour towards you could be a result of the way you treat her?

Grow up, OP. It seems fairly obvious why your MIL might inadvertently delete you from her psyche.

Maybe she's anticipating the inevitable divorce?

I think you are being extremely over sensitive.
I always call my daughter and son in laws house my DD name's house. His family call it by their son's name's house . Same with my DD and SiL's siblings.
It doesn't mean we don't know it's a shared house we know that. It's shorthand and most people i know also always refer to their family members shared home by their family members name.

My Mil (passed away a few years ago) used to do this too she would refer to our house as just being Dh’s house. It was clearly very deliberate, when challenged she said “he’s earning the money to pay for it”. We both work and all our money goes into one pot, it doesn’t matter who earns more. In the end I distanced myself from her and had pretty much zero relationship with her by the time she died.

I get that you're annoyed by it, because you perceive it as a dig. Do you think this is her intention? Is there anything else going on here?

I always refer to my sister's house, my sister's car, my sister's bed etc etc because she is the one I'm related to by blood and I'm closest to her. It's not meant as a dig. It never occurred to me that I might be offending my brother in law. For me it's a turn of phrase.