Mother in law

[Markor]

Family/inlaw issue.
Hi ,
I have been with my wife for almost 20 years and over that time we have spent a lot of time with her mother & step dad - often they would come to our house once every two weeks and stay over the weekend .
we do an awful lot for them and I always make them feel welcome.
many times over the years the mother in law will refer to our home just as her daughters ( it is my wife and myselfs home jointly) . I have corrected her on many occasions and she simply brushes it away. I always find it a sleight of hand and to be honest, disrespectful.
this weekend just gone our pet dog had gone upstairs and my wife said to her Mum that he had been in our bedroom hiding from our tortoise ( he’s a silly dog!)
in front of me the mother in law laughs that the dog was hiding and says to the hard of hearing father in law that the dog was in her daughters bedroom - I corrected her and said I think it might be mine also , she then repeated to the father in law that the dog was on her daughters floor in there. I corrected her again that I think she means “our” floor.
The mother in law then replied “ Yeah whatever”.
I was fuming and told this to my wife when out the room . She’s been doing it years and if put on the spot always says “I don’t mean anything” .
after my wife having words with her mum in the kitchen , about half an hour later the mother in law said “ I’m sorry , I didn’t mean anything about it’ . I was still angry/upset and told her how it’s not on, that she’s been doing it for years and that I always make them welcome in our home and that I personally put home jobs on hold when they stop over . That I find the comments disrespectful , particularly the “yeah whatever” when challenged about it.
in typical mother in law fashion, she then got all defensive and sat in another room.
The atmosphere was terrible , the mother and father in law had a cooked meal my wife made, stayed a couple of hours after that ( I just wanted her to leave) .
my wife agrees her mother is being disrespectful but there is a degree of “ you know what she’s like”.
right now I want to keep her away from our home for several weeks or so, so she can realise snd understand it is my home also and she needs to respect it.
am I being petty or out of line? . Thoughts please. Thank you

You were furious they called the floor of their daughter's bedroom 'her floor' because you also own half the floor?!

Why the hell do you care what they call a floor. They could say the floor belongs to Ronald Reagan's hamster. It wouldn't make it true.

You urgently need to calm down. You sound bizarre to the point I'm struggling believe this isn't fake.

Just ignore them and stop acting so insecure and odd. Maybe her parents can sense and see your strange behaviour and so can your wife. And they all think you sound crazy?

am I being petty or out of line? . Thoughts please.

For someone that was asking for an opinion it seems a bit petty to then insult them as though they have no self-awareness.

So you think that just because someone apologies, that's it then and to keep quiet?

Jeeeeez. Next time someone has upset you, remember to get over it quickly because they said sorry.

@Markor Why do they come over so often and stay for so long?

There are many, many daughters in law on here who would hate this and be told not to put up with it

You need to immediately convert the room they sleep in to an office or a storage room - even a gym. Anything to keep them out.

If your wife wants to see these people then she can visit them.

I feel your pain .

My ex mil used to use this tactic on me, despite the fact she knew I paid for our car, she always referred to it as her son's car, the house we both paid for was her son's house. It was her way of saying she didn't really accept me into the family.
I knew this, as ex h's sil, informed me this was exactly what she did with her, when tackled she admitted, she didn't accept her as family, she just married into it.

Really?? Aren’t there enough MIL threads on here without the bar having to drop this low? Boohoo, grow up!

Yea you are taking this far too personally. I refer to my in laws house as ‘grandma X’s house’. I don’t say ‘grandma X’s and Grandpa Y’s house’. When talking to my son I’d say ‘your house’. I don’t say ‘your and Marisa’s house’. It’s just quicker and everyone knows what I’m referring to. It had no bearing on how I feel about the individual people at all.

He’s being totally petty and ridiculous and I’d say that the other way round as well!

Mountain out of a molehill!

Another what can we have a dig at MIL about, but this one is scrapping the barrel!

I agree with this. It's disrespectful. To say it once is probably easier to just say one name but to then double down is bitchy behaviour. Can you imagine the outrage on here as a pp said if it was a wife's mil?
I wouldn't be having them stay a full weekend all the time even if they were perfect. As for "it's just the way they are" bollocks. Just an excuse for rudeness.

I refer to my parents house as "my mums" my parents have been married over 50 years and they bought the house when they first got married. My sister's house is "my sister's" same with my brother, they are both happily married and joint owners of their homes. They will refer to my house the same. It's just easier to say 1 name and you always say the name of the person you are related to first, with my parents i'd say mum and dad, so it is "my mum's for short. It really isn't that deep, I don't think only 1 person owns their home and I don't dislike anyone.

You are being weird.

Much of that is true. But the back story is that this has been annoying him (presuming him) for years, and each time the apology is not sincere enough to change behaviour.

Whether or not its reasonable to be annoyed is another matter but...

As I read it he told her how it made him feel, she didn't say "oh, sorry, I didn't realise it annoyed you that much" but apparently went into a sulk about it.

Was he not permitted to let her know how he feels??

OP, if you were the Daughter in Law you wouldn't be dismissed by other posters like this. Strategies would be given by the million for you.

I can totally understand your frustration. She sounds like a bit of a troublemaker and is not shy about not listening to what you have to say. First sign of rudeness IMV.

So go ahead and agree with your wife that the visits will not include you there. Greet her warmly at the door, then go for a pint/coffee with her stepdad or on your own and then stay out of her way when you get back. Less is more and you are entitled to feel her bad manners towards you.

My mother in law refers to my husband as her 'baby boy'

Does it give me the ick? Hell yes.
Have I once mentioned it? Absolutely not. Pick your battles OP. This is not the hill to die on!

I want to keep her away from our home for several weeks or so, so she can realise snd understand it is my home also and she needs to respect it.

This tells me everything I need to know about this poster. We have a saying where I live ‘being Billy Big Baws’. If my DH ever tried to banish any of my family from our home over something so trivial there would be trouble with a capital T. Give yourself a shake for goodness sake, pull your big boy pants on and get over it. I’d say exactly the same to any woman posting this. What a wet wipe and a controlling one at that.

It's just a linguistic shortcut.

The primary relationship is with her DD. That’s why she’s there, in all honesty. So she thinks of it as “DD’s house”. I visited a friend for coffee this morning and said to my husband that “I’m going to Jane’s for an hour”. I meant no disrespect to her husband by that statement; I fully accept that he lives there too and has probably paid more for the house over the years. It’s just a shorthand. I’m sure your mum/family does the same?

Sorry but I think you’re being ridiculous. No wonder your mother in law became defensive. And the terrible atmosphere was completely your doing. I feel sorry for your poor wife if she’s had to put up with this sort of behaviour for 20 years.

my MIL said to me “this is my son’s home, therefore it’s my home.” She is weird but i filed it away under “battles not worth fighting”.

I would suggest there are bigger things at play here - you are using what your MIL is saying about the house as an excuse really, a reason to dislike her or complain about them.

What's really going on? Do you resent the time they spend at your house? Do you wish they wouldn't come round so often?

You don't talk of your parents or other family is there a reason for this?