Will you want your parents' stuff when they die?

[OneWorthyLemonCat]

I'm a big declutterer, and now live pretty minimally. I have a one in, one out policy on new possessions, and try to only buy quality items that I really love.

I've just been thinking about my parents and in laws. They often make reference to DH and me and our siblings having their "stuff" when they die.

We'll barely wany any if it though.

Of my mums, I'd love her Ercol sideboard. Of my inlaws, we would love my MIL's collection of LeCreuset pans.

That's it. EVERYTHING else that they own will go to charity, or in a skip.

We don't share the same taste, and although DH and I have plenty of space, I know so many people have much smaller homes now. We also live differently to them - I would never use fine China, or serve cakes on a glass cake stand, or poach a whole salmon in a fish kettle, or serve drinks in crystal glasses, or use solid silver cutlery!

Which of your parents' possessions would you want? How do you think it will feel taking their worldly possessions to a charity shop? (I wonder if shops will be so inundated in 5-10 years that they stop taking donations anyway. I know many have stopped already). Does it make you live or think differently about your own approach to acquiring "stuff" through your lifetime?

DH and I dont have kids, and I'm very comfortable with the idea that our much loved possessions will have brought us happiness through our lives, but will end up at the rubbish tip when we're no longer here!

My parents are already dead. I have one necklace that belonged to my Mum and my Dad's writing desk. My siblings kept a couple of items each too, everything else went to charity shops etc. My parents weren't particularly materialistic people so they didn't have a lot of stuff anyway, but we all only wanted a few things that were of sentimental value.

I am dreading this, going through their stuff when they're dead. More so than their actual passing. I am sure when it happens I will change my mind! I think it's because they still live in the same house where I grew up and I remember helping my DH with his parents' stuff, how upsetting it was to find "congratulations on your baby" cards for his birth etc. My parents are less sentimental though, keep a lot less.

The photos perhaps are all I would want, some jewellery. But I have siblings so I would never fall out with anyone over stuff, it's just not that important. Nothing my parents own is of any value.

Block of gold. My father bought it when the world’s financial situation was not good. It’s in banks safe.

I've got my grandmother's breadboard and use it daily. She died 40 years ago.

@OneWorthyLemonCat don't be so hasty rejecting the crystal glasses. We drink out of them every day because they are beautiful, and they do no one any good living in a cupboard.

(Mum died, Dad's in AA, so had no need for lead crystal wine goblets and whisky tumblers)

My Mum was a product of WW2 Rationing mentality so "never waste" was ingrained in them, she kept everything .
Her Mum (my Nana) was a very skilled seamstress , my Mum loved how she could alter a coat or a dress and make it lovely . that was her happy memory

Not happy memories for us growing up in a house where we were told off for the untidiness and told off if we threw things out . Not even her things , if we threw our own things out too !
Years later it was a struggle to get her to part with things , bargaining with a hoarder "well you have four teapots but you only use one . Lets keep one , you choose" . No , they insist they use every single one every day !

I'm desperate for my MIL's rings but she has already said she is leaving them to other daughter in law!
Not sure what I did...

My mum has already downsized and decluttered, so everything of hers that I wanted I already have (kitchenware mainly).

One day, my nephews will have to have this conversation about me though, because unlike the OP, I love proper tableware and have a vast (and growing) collection of dinner services, crystal glassware, linen napkins and kitsch serveware (about half an hour ago I bought a set of faience avocado dishes on Vinted).

From my grandma’s house two years ago I got a few pieces of furniture which are in my house. From my parents (dad died, mum in a home) I have only taken photos. My dh is an only child and I have my eye on a small clock that looks like a pocket watch for when the time comes.

most stuff will be thrown and sold.

When MIL died, FIL tried giving me some of her clothes which were neither my style or size so I politely refused. When FIL died it was awful clearing his house because DH kept trying to bring stuff back as "he couldn't bear to chuck it". We're talking hobby stuff like airfix model planes, remote controlled cars and tons of niknaks. He brought home all of his tools, even though our own shed was overflowing with tools DH didn't use (no good at DIY).

DH died 2yrs ago and was a bit of a hoarder himself with clothes and hobby stuff, so I've been gradually getting rid of PILs and DH stuff. I don't want my DDs dealing with all this clutter.

My DF has died but when DM goes and I have to empty her house, there's not much I'll keep. I'll save photos, and a few bits of jewellery. I may keep her record player, as I've always wanted one. All her souvenir cups and glasses will go (Andrew and Fergie wedding memorabilia anyone?) Other than that, there's not much I can think of. Actually, I may keep her ironing board. It's the same one we had when I was a child (62 now) and just goes on and on. It'll probably outlast my modern one!

I also like to use our best things every day, but I like really simple styling and clean lines - I like everything to look a bit Scandi. So crystal would never be to my taste unfortunately (apart from DH does have a Royal Doulton whisky decanter and glasses that I bought him for one birthday).

Ah, but they TING so nicely

My mother is a terrible hoarder. My sister and I keep telling her that when she dies we will in fact just chuck everything without looking at it because we don't need her clothes from the 80s/a load of random scraps of paper/her crockery which is in fact her own crockery plus her mother's, plus her mother's mother's.

I do have my grandmother's mid-century drop-leaf table from her tiny two up two down terrace house, which I love. It's a very basic piece of furniture but it's such a good memory of happy times.

There are a tiny number of low value things I'd like to keep, e.g. the 50+ yo fairy from the Christmas Tree, but no, I don't want most of it.

I'll struggle getting rid of all the perfectly good and useful stuff that would be costly to replace but worth nothing to sell.....which is why my parents' house is so full of stuff in the first place.

I have jewellery, photos, few ornaments but the things that are most useful are some kitchen utensils that my dad left, some gardening items, pots and plant stands, tools etc. that are really useful as I bought them for him anyway. I also have his almost new washing machine.

We charity shopped, sold, gave away free or put in a skip a lot of stuff as there was nothing furniture wise that either of us wanted.

I agree with this. My mother is 93 and frequently remarks to my brother and me that there will be an enormous amount to sort out when she's gone. There won't, actually. It's not a particularly cluttered house. The paperwork is in good order and there aren't many photos. The garage is very tidy. I don't think there's anything in the loft. The clothes, books and ornaments will go to charity shops, a few things possibly to auction houses (although I don't expect them to raise more than a few quid) and most of the furniture will go into a skip because it was bought within the last 25 years from MFI or equivalent. It's in good nick but it's made of MDF and chipboard, and I can't see anyone else wanting it now. The upholstered furniture won't meet current fire regulations, I suspect. I'd like to keep some of the kitchen stuff, and that would be used.

The exception to the chipboard furniture is that Mum and Dad bought a brand new dining room suite in 1960 and ever since my Mum has carefully looked after it and they've lugged it around through several house moves. It's dark brown wood and French polished, so protecting it from water spills and heat marks was a major preoccupation of hers all that time. There's a table, a sideboard and a glass-fronted display cabinet stuffed with their own wedding china* and crystal and some similar stuff Mum inherited. No one in the family and I can't imagine anybody else is going to want the furniture. It's not G plan or Ercol or any of the other well-designed 1960s furniture which is apparently now fashionable again. It would have been old-fashioned even in 1960 and it can't have been expensive or they wouldn't have been able to afford it. I greatly fear it will end up in the skip. Fortunately my mother will never know this, as it would break her heart.

*Is this still a thing? Surely not. It feels dated even typing it. There are three or four complete teasets in Mum's house. I quite like the Suzy Cooper one and the one that was my Granny's but what would I do with them? They would need careful hand washing. I love my dishwasher! We don't have tea parties. We drink out of mugs. I plan to see if an auction house would want them.

Too many have had the attitude of keep for best, after clearing DH grandpas house all of which went to the dump bar one small tea set and a box of photos, I’ve adopted the attitude of use and wear the best all of the time.
Most of the hoards of stuff he thought was good and had boxed up was worthless tat; charity shops wouldn’t have taken. He had paperwork relating to a job he’d been retired from for 30yrs, all pointless hoarding that he thought somehow was useful.
Better to encourage deck uttering as we go, saves this monumental task; we had to clear a large house and garden, it’s been 4 years and we still have chats about it!!

Problem is a lot of parents stuff is junk. You might think the charity shop will want it but they won't.

Furniture is tricky. If you have bits of furniture then it probably will be the wrong size, and will not blend well with existing furniture.

I got some fantastic g-plan stuff left to me, but the table is just too big. Absolutely gorgeous teak table, so difficult to make the decision to get rid of it. It would probably sell even second hand for £££ because it is good quality, but the problem is moving it. Fortunately the rest of it works well and I have some great MCM pieces.

With other bits like artware everyone has their own idea what they like, and everyone has their own stuff they want to collect. And a lot of the stuff people collect is worth nothing in resale markets.

A massive skip can hold a lot of stuff and save a lot of time.

<makes note of this username>

I haven't thought about things I'd like from relatives but seeing all their things has made me have a stricter dejunking policy here and I don't buy unnecessary stuff just because I like the look of it. I'm also finding I'm more likely to repurpose something I already have because I actively don't want to buy something new. This can only be good! (in the spirit of the thread, yes of course there are sentimental things I'd like but even then I'm not sure what I'd actually do with them)

Literally nothing of my dad's.

I won't want any of the furniture. I have plenty of that already.

The things I want are the day to day stuff... The things I've seen mum use every day of my life. Things like certain mugs, her cutlery set, that sort of thing. Then we'd offer "free to a good home" to friends and relations.

Then I imagine we'd get a house clearance company in to do the rest.

The 32 place dinner service will be going to auction. I don't even have 32 people I would want to have over for dinner.

My father has a huge collection of tools, all of which he uses and knows how to use. I don't know how that is going to go as we don't have a garage. It will be bad enough missing my father without trying to learn the difference between all the spanners and tools. However I am always asking him for help with something and he always has the right tool for the job. I shall miss him greatly and that will be the hardest part of it.

This is provided there is cash. By then it might have all been spent on drugs and designer dogs. It's their lifestyle not ours and I completely agree with you but you shouldn't judge a son by the sins of the father as they say.

My relatives had great taste in furniture and acquired some modern classics that still look beautiful and would cost a bomb these days.

If they had only had such great taste in artware - "Limited Edition" Collectors Plates, special edition of only six million with picture of a dog on the front.

Skip ahoy.

Tough question. I am generally pretty unsentimental about stuff, but DH really isn't and his parents are big collectors (clocks, vintage crockery, pottery etc etc) and have a very big house. It will be difficult.

My parents live overseas, so we'll have to really want their stuff to go to the bother of bringing it back. My mum was really taken aback when my sister, who is far blunter than I am, told her we'd definitely sell the house - I think mum had visions of it staying in the family as a holiday home to be passed through the generations.

Our house is full of crap. Reading this is making me think we should take steps to rectify that at some point!