Will you want your parents' stuff when they die?

[OneWorthyLemonCat]

I'm a big declutterer, and now live pretty minimally. I have a one in, one out policy on new possessions, and try to only buy quality items that I really love.

I've just been thinking about my parents and in laws. They often make reference to DH and me and our siblings having their "stuff" when they die.

We'll barely wany any if it though.

Of my mums, I'd love her Ercol sideboard. Of my inlaws, we would love my MIL's collection of LeCreuset pans.

That's it. EVERYTHING else that they own will go to charity, or in a skip.

We don't share the same taste, and although DH and I have plenty of space, I know so many people have much smaller homes now. We also live differently to them - I would never use fine China, or serve cakes on a glass cake stand, or poach a whole salmon in a fish kettle, or serve drinks in crystal glasses, or use solid silver cutlery!

Which of your parents' possessions would you want? How do you think it will feel taking their worldly possessions to a charity shop? (I wonder if shops will be so inundated in 5-10 years that they stop taking donations anyway. I know many have stopped already). Does it make you live or think differently about your own approach to acquiring "stuff" through your lifetime?

DH and I dont have kids, and I'm very comfortable with the idea that our much loved possessions will have brought us happiness through our lives, but will end up at the rubbish tip when we're no longer here!

Part of the issue is timing. If your parents die when you already have a house full of your own things, where does their stuff go? Or maybe you're young and renting a room in a shared flat, and don't want to pay for storage for the next ten years. Maybe you're in your 60s and downsizing yourself.

I would have loved to take most of my parents' books, but our house is much smaller than theirs and was already full.

This thread is more about the opposite. Most of us are saying we DONT eye up our parents' possessions, as we dont want them.

My parents had downsized massively over the years and by the time there was just my mum there wasn't a lot of stuff to go through. When she passed away I gave her clothes to the charity shop but have kept all her jewellery and feel close to her by wearing her earrings. I also haven't been able to sort through or give away ornaments which often came from other relatives. Some things I think you need to reflect on. I was very grateful to her for being so organised and not leaving much for me to sort out. It was typical of her to be so thoughtful.

All of it, apart from the furniture as it’s not my taste.

Not a hoarder but definitely not minimalist and I will keep whatever I have room for. I like all the things and absolutely hate minimalism, not my vibe at all.

Also live beautiful fine china and cake stands so more the better!

I "relocated" a couple of things (okay , I poached them but I let them know !)
An ornament , not valuable but old belonged to my grandad
A knife
A couple of jars
Photos

My Mum gave me two rings (that she had inherited) and when she went into care I took her rings (she knew this ) and my DD wears my Mums wedding ring .

There was so much stuff , my Mum was a hoarder so an on-going process over the years . I have some crockery in the attic that one day I will recycle .

I am doing my DC a favour by decluttering my things , DD has a couple of things earmarked that she will have

It's so hard and I can see it from both points of view, these are cherished possessions, but not to me. There is lots I would like, The christmas dishes my mum has, the pressure cooker that I remember from my childhood, the christmas decorations, photos and a few bits of furniture, but the sheer majority if it would go to the charity shop I'm afraid!

MIL handed us a solid silver toast rack and DH's solid silver christening cup last time she came for dinner, thinking this stuff matters to us. It got shoved straight into a cupboard, never to be thought about or used again. We'll sell it if we can eventually be bothered. I said to her "We dont eat toast, we'll never use this" 🤷🏼‍♀️

Nope. Get rid of it now.

Pans and knives, yes (especially all the Global knives). Absolutely everything else my god no, I'm dreading it, there is a LOT & I don't do well throwing stuff away.

I definitely don't want any of my parents' stuff, nor DH's, and neither does he.
I hope all their belongings have brought them happiness and comfort during their lives but I won't feel bad about getting a house clearance company to take the lot when they aren't here to need them any more.

When my MIL died we filled three skips and the local charity shops told us not to bring any more stuff.

When I say I'm a minimalist, I mean I dont like to endlessly acquire stuff, and Im very intentional about what I buy. But our home is full of meaningful items, plants, cushions, hobby stuff, art, books etc. We dont live in an empty white box!

Yep. And refugees and people in awful situations still don’t want crystal or a china shepherdess! If they did then the charity shops wouldn’t be so crammed.

We kept maybe 10% of my Mum's 'stuff' between us. All the rest went to charity/house clearance. It was a massive undertaking. I rather suspect she just couldn't face sorting things out so 'left them for us'. Very selfish. My brother and I agreed we would never do the same to our respective children.

My mother 89 and step have impeccable taste and have Swedish death cleaned. There are some gorgeous ornaments, pictures and antique chairs. The diamonds will be very welcome.

I treasure already my grandparents' china, some ornaments and 18th Century dining table and chairs, most of all a little plate with "my kitchen prayer" on it. Also father's Victorian wingback chairs.

Over the last 10 years mother has given me five Murano cockerels. They were fashionable in the 60s and as elderly relatives have passed, mother has given them to me. They are much admired.

I think good designs of any era sit well together but I have a home, not a house.

I'm an only child and so is mother so perhaps the best bits have not been diluted.

I am going through this at the moment, I am doing the opposite to lots of you and keeping lots of the old stuff. Although my parents old stuff like cutlery/ dinnerware is 1950s and mostly bought from the Design centre and made in England , so still contemporary looking and just really nice to use. Using my grand mother’s tablespoon most days made in Sheffield, just lovely and probably 100 years old.

For context I am still using my 1990 pioneer stereo as never found anything better to replace it with. So am keeping my dad’s even better 1960s receiver and speakers ( pioneer and Kef which has a gorgeous warm sound) and have bought a Dab radio/ internet thing so I can pump Spotify or audible through it. I am lucky in that my parents didn’t buy knickknacks particularly and especially my mum got rid of stuff regularly. So it’s mainly craft items and my dad’s stuff that I don’t know what to do with.

It would be better to get the chap off the Yorkshire Auction programme to take a look!

The only things we kept of my parents was mum’s jewellery and dad’s watch. Everything else went to the charity shop or dump. It took only a few days to clear their house.
My in-laws have a lot of expensive stuff - crockery, silverware, furniture and MIL has a HUGE collection of pricey Lladro figurines and Swarovski crystals. We don’t want any of it - it’s not our taste. It will take months to clear their house when the time comes and we aren’t looking forward to it.

I just nod along when MIL tells me all about the things we will inherit and how special they are because of who gave them to them etc etc. They're not going to know if you keep them or not so best to let them think you will (not that I am suggesting you have said otherwise).

My mother is 'keeping " mad stuff for us. 4 China tea sets, a vast array of crystal glasses, vases and decanter, and ornate linen tablecloths. None of which she has ever used, so I don't understand why she think we want it either...
I did want 1 picture and some 1980s non-crystal wine glasses, but she disposed of those when downsizing.

My dad had an eye for design and was very proud of some of his furniture. A lot of it went to auction after he died but there was a 3 piece suite that couldnt be sold due to fire regs. I couldnt bear to see it scrapped (memories of it from early childhood) so I took it and had it restored and reupholstered, then redesigned my living room around it. The restoration took a long time and a lot of thought to get right. I think it really helped my grieving process, felt as if I was honouring his memory and his great taste. It looks fab btw and he is with me every day.

The things my DD wants ( and she has told me she is having ) include a tea-pot ( she likes tea , no-one else does ) the knife I took from DParents , the milk-jug that us shaped like a cow (milk comes out of the mouth ) so it's mainly things for the DC .
She scorns my jewellery as it is silver she likes gold but she's already had a couple of my rings ( don't fit me and I cannot wear at work , it's a shame to have them locked away )
So it isn't vulture like , it is more "Hmm you have good taste" or "that is one of my happy childhood memories"

Yes that’s where we differ- I don’t just have things to use. I have things because they are beautiful objects.

Eg I have a small collection of antique flatware, it isn’t used. I just love it. I love the feel of the metal and the history of it.

I would admire the toast rack, but not use it.

I have a piece of stolen silverware I inherited via my grandmother. One of her many relatives was a jewellery shop robber in the 60’s. It’s not particularly valuable but it does give me a smile every time I look at it. She was so cross with the relative but kept it for some reason (she was a very upstanding church warden so it was very out of character). Anywho, I love it for the memories.

I would definitely want the stolen goods, that's a great story!

I’m exactly the same as you.
When my parents died I kept one beautiful antique piece of furniture. When my in laws died I kept a couple of bits of plain servingware.
Everything else went to charity or into a skip.