Will you want your parents' stuff when they die?

[OneWorthyLemonCat]

I'm a big declutterer, and now live pretty minimally. I have a one in, one out policy on new possessions, and try to only buy quality items that I really love.

I've just been thinking about my parents and in laws. They often make reference to DH and me and our siblings having their "stuff" when they die.

We'll barely wany any if it though.

Of my mums, I'd love her Ercol sideboard. Of my inlaws, we would love my MIL's collection of LeCreuset pans.

That's it. EVERYTHING else that they own will go to charity, or in a skip.

We don't share the same taste, and although DH and I have plenty of space, I know so many people have much smaller homes now. We also live differently to them - I would never use fine China, or serve cakes on a glass cake stand, or poach a whole salmon in a fish kettle, or serve drinks in crystal glasses, or use solid silver cutlery!

Which of your parents' possessions would you want? How do you think it will feel taking their worldly possessions to a charity shop? (I wonder if shops will be so inundated in 5-10 years that they stop taking donations anyway. I know many have stopped already). Does it make you live or think differently about your own approach to acquiring "stuff" through your lifetime?

DH and I dont have kids, and I'm very comfortable with the idea that our much loved possessions will have brought us happiness through our lives, but will end up at the rubbish tip when we're no longer here!

My DS has his GF's watch, wears it and treasures it. We have tried to keep the good, and the sentimental balanced without keeping everything. DH is more inclined to keep things than I am.

But DM and I were the same size and liked similar clothes so I am wearing out her jumpers and my most useful boots the last two winters have been DM's sheepskin lined Ugg bikers, that went mostly unworn as she found them too heavy to walk in at 87. I remember her every time I wear her garments. An old cream pleated skirt of hers went to a wedding last August, accompanied by a handbag she probably bought in the early 1960s. I enjoy the knowledge that she would have liked to know I wear something of hers every few days, and that one of her fanciest hankies is always in my bag.

My mother died a few years ago. We took everything to the dump.

She was a heavy smoker and charity shops did not want any of it (don't blame them - it reeked and lots of it was stained by the nicotine). If it hadn't been for the smoke I'd have loved her Encyclopedia Britannica (for nostalgia, the Internet is better!) and maybe a few other books that remind me of her.

I did wonder about the writing dest that I grew up with and feel nostalgic for but my DH got a smaller desk when his grandmother died 15+ years ago and it just sits in the garage because it's not our style and we have nowhere to put it and wouldn't use it.

My grandmother had a house full of antiques and she left the contents to me. I did very well selling it and I leaned a lot about the antiques trade in which I am still involved. I kept a few small pieces of furniture to remember her by. The rest I sold at auctions and antiques fairs. My mothers house was full of junk, I was happy for it to go to my sister.

My Mum hadn't worn her ring for years , I have it and gave it to my own daughter (my Mum knew)'
My Dad kept his on all of his life so we decided he should take it with him, none of the males would have worn it .
Both my parents were cremated

I've told the sons to use a dealer to check our (many!) books because there are some which might be saleable, and shown them the few pictures which will have some value. The rest can go wherever they like - probably house clearance?

This will be the same with my dad.

There may a couple of keepsakes that can be cleaned - some decorative tiles, and possibly a few other ornaments but the rest will go to the tip. Strangely he has no concept that charity shops won't want his books etc etc.

Strangely enough we were out for lunch today abd all 3 of us have our mum's wooden spoons that are battered and falling apart ... mine is 23+ years old!

Ive got other bits and bobs ... cut glass, a food processor, glassware ... all have fond memories.

I am currently going through cupboards and sorting out all the precious things that my three sons and their children will not want. Much of it was passed down to my Mum from her mother's quite wealthy family and there are some beautiful things.
I'm going to sell it, better that than it ending up in landfill but I'm still sad.
When Mum died I suggested to my two sisters that we start with her jewellery box (a woman's jewellery box is a very intimate thing), sit down on the fireside rug and share everything out with love and fondest memories.
I still treasure the thought of that day.

My mother has asked and made a note of things we would like. She has already given us some pieces as she has downsized. One thing l particularly wanted was a musical ornament of a young lady playing the piano - the tune is Dvorak's Humoresque - which my Dad bought for her around half a century ago for her birthday or Christmas. My mother has already given it to me and she sits proudly on top of one of my two pianos. She is not at all valuable - the sort of thing that is seen regularly in charity shops but to me she is priceless. There are a couple of other items that I have said I would like as have my brother and sister. It feels a little uncomfortable saying that we would like x,y,z but is very practical. DH and I have recently made our wills and tried to be as fair as possible. We have bequeathed individual items to people - musical instruments and jewellery etc. One of my sons has particularly said how he likes our oriental ginger jar so we have left it to him in our will (he doesn't know). I am very aware that we have far too much and will try to let things go as time passes but understand that much of it could well go to auctions, charity shops and house clearance after l have died. I won't be in a position to worry about it by then.

I kept quite a lot of my parents’ stuff. I have some furniture, all the lovely crystal glasses, and lots of sentimental things. Db and I went through everything and chose what we wanted, no disagreements.
There were things we didn’t want or need of course, and other things we simply didn’t have room for, sadly. I really like using things that my Mum bought as a newlywed, I like the continuity.

DM collects some contemporary arts and I guess DB and I will spilt this (none of it will be hugely valuable), and the photos, and DMs jewellery. There are an couple of other things in the house I would like, and some books. But everything else can go.

DP are big fans of Swedish death cleaning. DFIL on the other hand... He lives with us but has a storage unit. I actually dread to think what's in there. It'll be such a hassle when he's gone.

We're at cross roads here, let's just leave it.

This is something we will be addressing very soon.

FIL has just died, MIL died in 2020, so we will soon have to address the question of sorting out his house and deciding what to do with his belongings.

We are all middle aged and have pretty much all the stuff we need so, TBH we don't really need or want any of it. We have agreed we will meet up and decide what we would like to keep for sentimental value, or the odd item which is of practical use. Oh and the wine collection will be split between us! But after that we will probably get in a house clearance firm.

Before this DH and I have observed that the generations younger than us no longer seem to do the fine china, nice glassware, silver cutlery thing. When we got married in the 1980s this was the sort of thing you were expected to collect. We have all this stuff but probably only get it out two or three times a year now. I doubt DD will want it when we go. FIL has all this sort of stuff too and we really don't want it since we rarely use our own.

I have noticed that many charity shops these days have loads of fine china dinner services. It's kind of sad in a way that these carefully looked after and rarely used possessions will end up not being valued at all but, heigh ho, you can't surround yourself with things you will never use.

The things we are most likely to value are the old photo albums and similar personal items.

Where are all these charity shops that are too full to receive donations? Ours always have signs up asking for more stuff, especially clothes. Maybe it's cos we're in a poorer area with lots of charity shops so the volume is spread out and it sells quickly.

I know someone with a secondhand bookshop - spends a lot of time offending older people by insisting he really can't take dictionaries and encyclopedias because they just don't sell. A lot of "But my father spent a lot of money on that EB, in 1960! Had to pay for it in installments! And in such good condition!". Another one is things like textbooks on science / engineering / tech, decades out of date. Like brown furniture and flowery china, some people just can't accept that NO SOD WANTS IT.

I volunteer in a charity shop and often things from a house clearance are a very hard sell.

Agree that nobody wants older reference or text books unless they are so old that they are of antique interest rather than just dated. Not just science books, things like computer/software manuals, management text books, even school exam books. Anything over 5-10 years is usually outdated however much it cost new.

Some things sell well, in my experience people love the 70s retro ceramics like the tall coffee pots, Hornsea pottery, those soup bowls with the handles, vases. Retro bedding or curtains are very popular with people who craft or sew. There will always be a market for good quality antiques. Decent quality pictures sell well.

Kitchen utensils, crockery, dated photo frames, pictures which are sun-faded, nick nacky ornaments, teeny tiny wine glasses and boxes of random coat hangers are regularly donated and nobody wants them.

I have my grandmother's table spoon. My Mum had more than one and gave it to me a few years ago, I will save the other too. It's silver and perfect for measuring baking ingredients.

I'm not sure how old it is, my Grandmother married during WW2 but the spoons were probably her mother's.

I also have a silver tablespoon inherited from my mum. She used it when making cakes and folding the flour into the mixture. She used to beat the butter and sugar by hand too. She only baked on a Sunday so we usually had a Victoria sponge cake to have with a cup of tea in the afternoon when our nan came over.

The spoon is in my cutlery drawer, I rarely use it but I will always keep it as it brings back memories of her cake making in the 60s when I was growing up.😋

After having to clear out her parents and in laws jomes after their deaths, my dm set about sorting hers out well before she passed. There was no tat and of things she had left she said people could have what they wanted - she even put a sticker under them with their names on!!
She said she couldn't put her kids through that. No one wanted her furniture, some if which was very good quality but because she was a smoker everything was ingrained. A lady, also a smoker did take some things, but the rest we paid the council to take away.

My in-laws have a beautiful maintained home, no clutter and everything pristine. Some sentimental pieces and info so would be easy to sort/keep.

There is a big gap between what people want to get rid of and what people want to buy.

Take photo frames for example. People used to put photos in frames and put them all over the house. Now this has gone out of fashion and the shops are inundated with frames with no one wanting to buy them.

Old suitcases is another one. No one wants a case with no wheels.

I'm in the middle of this now op. When my mum died 4 years ago there was so much STUFF I couldn't keep much of it at all. Her furniture wasn't my style, neither were her ornaments, trinkets, jewellery etc. That said I brought maybe 40 boxes of stuff back to my house to 'deal with later'. That later is now, and I'm gradually adding bits to eBay etc.

I have kept some practical bits - mostly good quality that have replaced my cheapo stuff, such as pyrex bowls and baking tins/trays, plain bed sheets, pans and cutlery set, gardening equipment, one or two cookbooks, some sewing stuff. There is some jewellery that I'm having remodeled later this summer - it sat unworn in her drawer for decades, I'm going to wear it every day.

I'm not a big believer in STUFF. And dealing with hers has really made me think about what to do with my own, and not leaving it for my kids to sort!

We reuse wedding rings. Seems a symbol of continuity to us. Usually great-grand-parent to child as those in between are still alive. DD had my late gran's wedding ring, and we noticed from the hallmark is was dated before gran was born - looks like they had done the same.

I effectively did this. As the only grand-daughter, I inherited my Granny's engagement ring and as I became engaged not long after that, decided to use it as my engagement ring. We were students with no cash so I don't know what I'd have got otherwise, and I really love this ring. I've always wondered how my Grandpa, who had no money, had managed to buy it, but when I had it re-sized recently the jeweller said he thought it was Victorian, so Grandpa must have bought it second-hand.

It's not a long standing tradition but I got and used my grandmother's wedding ring. When my mum died her ring went to the only female grandchild. Both were plain old fashioned 22 carat rings so not fashionable but not dated looking either. I only ever wore my wedding ring occasionally and it hasn't gone over my arthritic knuckle for about 15 years. I have two boys, I don't think I would dare offer it to a future DIL though.

It’s so funny to see a thread about this because I’ve been thinking about this recently. My parents are real hoarders. They’ve got a house stuffed with stuff. They’ve also bought so much stuff in the expectation that it is or will be ‘worth something’. It just won’t.

Their taste is not my taste and I have no idea what I’ll do with it all.

Interestingly I recently read an article (sorry if it’s already been posted on here, I haven’t read the full thread) about how this is a recognised phenomenon - the ‘Great Transfer of Stuff’. The post-war generation valued ‘stuff’. They were raised by Depression and war-era parents who saw collecting ‘stuff’ as a good thing. Millennials and younger people don’t want it, don’t like it and don’t have space for it. so it’s valueless.