Will you want your parents' stuff when they die?

[OneWorthyLemonCat]

I'm a big declutterer, and now live pretty minimally. I have a one in, one out policy on new possessions, and try to only buy quality items that I really love.

I've just been thinking about my parents and in laws. They often make reference to DH and me and our siblings having their "stuff" when they die.

We'll barely wany any if it though.

Of my mums, I'd love her Ercol sideboard. Of my inlaws, we would love my MIL's collection of LeCreuset pans.

That's it. EVERYTHING else that they own will go to charity, or in a skip.

We don't share the same taste, and although DH and I have plenty of space, I know so many people have much smaller homes now. We also live differently to them - I would never use fine China, or serve cakes on a glass cake stand, or poach a whole salmon in a fish kettle, or serve drinks in crystal glasses, or use solid silver cutlery!

Which of your parents' possessions would you want? How do you think it will feel taking their worldly possessions to a charity shop? (I wonder if shops will be so inundated in 5-10 years that they stop taking donations anyway. I know many have stopped already). Does it make you live or think differently about your own approach to acquiring "stuff" through your lifetime?

DH and I dont have kids, and I'm very comfortable with the idea that our much loved possessions will have brought us happiness through our lives, but will end up at the rubbish tip when we're no longer here!

Following on from my earlier post, there's a guy I follow on Instagram called nickfoxradio. He shares videos of huge collections of stuff that people have inherited (or are in line to inherit). A few days ago there was someone who's parents have 23,000 mugs on display in their house & barn (they even hang from the ceiling). Apparently if they drank from each mug it would take 63 years to use each mug just once!!

My parents have so much in their house it willl be a huge job to clear. They are elderly now so likely a job my brother and I will face in the next few years.

I’ll keep sentimental items - they have loads of old family photos though there are so many they may need sorting through. My mum doesn’t wear much jewellery but I’ll keep her wedding & engagement ring plus some other small bits. They also have an expensive set of china much of which family brought them over the years so though not my taste at all I suspect it will be kept in my loft as I don’t think I could get rid of it.

Apart from that I imagine most things will go. We have our own homes and aside from personal taste don’t need or want more furniture. My mum has so many books it’s ridiculous so while my brother and I may keep some most will go to a charity shop. Their garage & loft is filled with stuff - there may be the odd item we’d like to keep but I suspect most should have been thrown out years ago.

I remember helping my mum and her sister clear our my grandmothers house. We found so many unexpected sentimental items she’d held onto (such as an awful cheap pair of plastic earrings I’d given her as a present when I was young which she’d kept along with my gift tag attached to the present) which was so touching. I’m sure when the time comes my parents will have held onto some unexpected sentimental items too.

Literally nothing and yet their house is rammed.

I want nothing. I don't have a sentimental side, and I truly don't understand wanting old photos and letters. Do people really look at them?
Really don't want old clothes and bedding etc.
but i do have a picture mum painted, I love that.

This massively plays into my dysfunctional relationship with my parents and their dysfunctional marriage but good grief no no no I do not want that ring!

but thank you for confirming.

I kept my mums photo albums and hairbrush. So I'll keep the irreplaceable stuff but that's it.

As for me, I won't ask DC to keep anything. I'll be dead, it's not my lookout. I'd like her to keep my mums photos but that's it.

Everything else is recyclable stuff.

I've been trying to declutter to the point that each room could be emptied with a few bin bags. Almost everything is replaceable. If I miss a dvd or book, I can replace it. I use the library or for a book I can't wait for, I buy, read and donate so it holds value and demand for the charity shop. I buy a puzzle from the charity shop, complete it and return it.

I like to visualise myself moving through life, as weightless as possible, rather than collecting things that weigh me down. Buying stuff means decisions: to aquire, use, dispose of. CBA anymore. I'd rather go on holiday!

I think once you have the good memories, that's all you really need

Where on earth did u say anything about throwing stuff away

only a few pieces of sentimental jewellery from my mum. Her house is like a hoarders house and will be mostly ‘skipped’ then cleaned and sold.

Mil has stuff just crammed in every drawer and cupboard and I don’t know what DH wants to keep. She has so much shit that when we moved into our first home she tried to offload some on us to keep for her as the loft is full. We had to push back as we didn’t want two holdalls full of ornaments and tat. It will also need skipped, I’m sure DH will want photos etc. Again it will be skipped and sold.

I’ve been parent-less for about 16 years now. The only things I have are an Ercol table and portraits of my grandparents, which I had never clapped eyes on until we were clearing the house out. Everything else went to the dump/reclaim shop at the dump

Oh god this is a relevant thread. I’ve started to help my dad clear out the house after my mum moved into a nursing home. He’s quite practical thankfully and wants to get rid but there is so, so much shit basically. Loads of ornaments, clothes my mum hasn’t worn since the 70s. It’s heartbreaking going through the stuff knowing no-one is likely to want a lot of it. I’m really not sure why that generation liked ornaments so much. I never really see anyone my own age with that sort of stuff.

Good point! My DM evidently got rid of a lot of old B&W photos once dementia took a hold, and dh once visited his father (with early dementia) to find him busily tearing up a mass of family history research material amassed by MiL and her brother.
Dh retrieved it (a few days later and it would have gone with the bin men) and we spent hours piecing it all together, inc. wills from the 1800s and letters dated 1860 ish from relatives who’d emigrated to Australia.

Very little. The only things I have left from our parents are:

Family jewelry
Two pictures
some lead crystal
Photos
Dgm's MBE

My parents never threw anything away. It took my brother, SIL, DH & me weeks to clear it all - every cupboard, drawer, wardrobe & 2 garden sheds were stuffed full. It was a large 4 bed 3 reception room house. DH & me were there both days every weekend brother & SIL (who live about 60 miles away) stayed probably 4 or 5 weekends to do their bit. We sent most of the antique furniture, pictures & many ornaments that they'd collected to auction & the rest went to charity shops or the recycling centre/dump. We only kept family heirlooms & photos.

I'm determined that my DCs won't have the same job to do when I die and am de-cluttering, selling things on EBay, sorting out clothes & kitchen stuff that I've not used in years & taking them to charity shops or freecycling it.

Many yrs ago my DM dumped a big cut glass bowl @ ours, saying she’d seen this 1 exactly like hers (it is) & she knew I’d need 1 to make trifle for the children like she did! I said it’s ok give it to SIL because I’ve already been given a larger (& much prettier!) bowl.
I hate trifle, the vomit making texture of jelly & cake together & cold custard (not even ‘proper’ custard, totally vile.
It’s lived in the shed ever since & somehow escaped being smashed!
Thinking about it now, it may have been a hint she thought I’d make it so she wouldn’t need to?
Thanks for reminding me, next time it comes into view it can go straight to the charity shop.
They’ve only got 1 thing I want; a small watercolour that was Nans, not because it’s attractive, -it was in my room when i had to live with nan from time to time.

My dad died last year - my mum had died a few years earlier.

Important point - who is the executor of the will as they get to decide everything.

My brother was the sole executor and he decided he wanted to dump everything and he got a house clearance company in to do it.

I disagreed - I wanted to go through everything and take what I wanted and take much of the rest to local charity shops.

But he wouldn't hear of it. He was bitter for many reasons and this was how he took it out on me, my dad.

I did get a few things out first. And I took some stuff to the local charity shop. I discovered that they wouldn't take hard back books, dvds or cds or photo frames!

Nope, none of it. I'll keep photos and some jewellery as keepsakes but there's nothing else we'd want.

Just looked him up! A really interesting account - thank you for sharing it!

If it’s quite old it may have gone off. We took back dozens of bottles of bleach from my MILs and all of it was useless. It all went down the sink, barely a scent of bleach.

I would like some photos and memorabilia but nothing else

Cautionary tale here….

My mum became seriously ill and sadly died. All the time I was visiting her in hospital, my partner was having an affair that had started a few months beforehand. I had no idea at all.

When I was clearing out mum’s house, he kept saying we had no room for any of her things as we were already storing a lot of his deceased grandparents stuff whilst waiting for him to get around to sort it.

I was grieving and so accepted he knew best and my siblings took some of mum’s stuff and rest was disposed of. I had nothing, not even photographs.

A few months later, I discovered the affair and we split up. He left taking all of his grandparents stuff and the house suddenly felt very empty.

More than twenty years have elapsed and I’ve moved on with a new partner but still feel sad when I visit a siblings house and see something of my mum’s. I even had to ask my brother to use his phone to photograph some family photos for me so I had something with my mum and dad on.

We grew up poor in a deprived area so there was no inheritance, no jewellery or stuff of value but the photographs were precious to me. I really should have ignored my ex and taken a couple of smaller pieces but he convinced me it would cause more pain to have any of her things nearby. I have no photos or mementos of my childhood as siblings didn’t want them either. 😢

My mum has decluttered so much there’s very little left! I find it so sad-she has always been a declutterer, there’s loads of mementos I’d have loved anyone in our family to have

I think it is hugely dependant on taste and value. Most of my mum's possessions were antiques and very robust. My dad prefers cheap MDF stuff and doesn't look after anything so it decays and is filthy, so I probably won't want his things.

Some of it, yes. There is some good jewellery and paintings, and a few sentimental pieces which I would have a strong emotional attachment too. And then lots else that I wouldn't.

My parents are very reasonable about it, they're still in their prime but have told me to sell or donate anything I don't expressly want when the time comes!

Gosh, I dread the day I have to clear through my parents’ stuff. I have decided though that I, along with my siblings should they wish, will keep their art, some furniture, jewellery, and a couple of sentimental nick nacks. I will auction any valuables that neither I nor my siblings want.

I will find it too heartbreaking to get rid of it all myself so I will probably just leave the keys with a house clearing company and come back when it’s all gone. That will hurt.

I have told my parents of my intentions so if they think they might have a (posthumous!) issue with it, they can get rid of some of it now. I have a feeling they won’t though and they will carry on wallowing in all their stuff.