To struggle forgiving a friend who wasn’t there when I really needed them?

[MyCosyHare]

I’m not talking about small stuff. I mean a genuinely hard period where I could have used support and they disappeared. Now they want to carry on like normal. I’m torn between keeping the peace and feeling like something fundamental shifted. How do you move past that or do you?

Why are people so hopeless with these situations? When my friend was in that position, I sent her a message saying, "Sorry to hear you're in x situation. I know you might need some space at the moment, but I'm thinking of you and here when you are ready to talk." (She had been admitted to a psych facility). Then she knows I've thought of her, why I'm not being more communicative, and letting her know I'm there. Unless they've told you they want space, let them know you haven't just bailed out. It's not hard.

I completely agree. These are grown adults we are talking about - people who presumably hold down jobs and run households but they can't even manage a 30 second text message?

Its pathetic. If you want to keep your friends then yes, you do have to make a tiny bit of effort now and then to show care and to keep that relationship going. If thats too much then fine, dont expect to have any social relationships or friendships with anyone because all relationships take a bit of effort.

Most worthwhile things in life require effort and care.

Goodness that’s awful to read. I’m so sorry. I hope that you do have real friends to be with x

Keep it moving unless she was going through a death or something leave her be

I have amazing friends.

I think terrible things make you realise that some people can sit with pain and some people can’t. Some people let me down and some people really shone through.

I try to see people for different reasons.

ones that are fun casual night
out types

some are arty theatre

some are sensitive and caring
and will drop all to help

some end up self centred
and are dropped if they do t bring anything else to the table.

but Dispite the hurt try to see them for what they are and if you still get something out of the relationship then continue but if to don’t or can’t get past it. Drop them. No need for drama. They wont see your
point anyway and might
blacken your name with
others.

I have one friend who is judgy. I know this as she make comments about another friend but she has other good points so I tolerate that.

another friend is a huge gossip so I’ve learnt not to confine in her about myself but she is fun in other ways.

im sure I’m not perfect myself.