To message her..

[TheDenimPoet]

I've almost decided I'm going to do this, but I need some support to know I'm doing the right thing.

Two years ago, a friend of mine (quite obviously not anymore) was arrested for child sex offences. Talking to a 13 year old boy online and arranging to meet. Sending sexual images etc. Anyway, he got found out, suspended sentence, sex offenders register for 15 years, broke up with his wife, lost contact with his kids.

He has made a false Facebook profile with a different first name and last name spelt backwards, and is now in a new relationship. He's been really cocky posting things online, as if he has no care in the world.

The new woman has a 12 year old son, and it genuinely knocked the wind out of my sails looking at him, and thinking that's almost the age of the boy he abused.

There's every chance she doesn't know. There was an article in the press, but it came and went, and unless she thought to Google him, she would probably never find out, as she's not local (I'm sure this was intentional).

So.

Should I send her the link to the article?

I really want to protect her and her son. I'm also really scared of backlash as there's been a lot of hate from his family that we haven't stuck by him. But there's no way I'm remaining friends and supporting this man.

Please tell me I'm doing the right thing by telling her?

Jesus. Was there anything off about him that you can see with the benefit of that most illuminating of things - i.e. hindsight?

Yes send it now
and tell her to do Claire’s Law

You’ve absolutely done the right thing, OP. I wouldn’t be able to relax knowing that someone like this was anywhere near a child and wouldn’t be able to keep quiet.

Phew!! 🩷

For the love of God will people at least read all of the OPs posts before commenting?

She messaged the woman AND contacted the police around 4 pages ago!

I wouldn't go to her. He could state that it was lies and it could backfire on you, especially if you have had previous trouble with his family.
You tell the Police asap, and your local Social work team who deal with offenders. Better coming from them. Please do this ASAP.

Yeah ok fair enough. It is 8 pages though..

He couldn't, because he pleaded guilty and it was in the paper!

I’d tell her, but also report to police and social services in case she’s been too sucked in by his bullshit. I read a story in the paper this morning about a vile man being prosecuted for manslaughter of his wife, who killed herself as a result of his emotional, sexual and physical abuse. There was loads of contemporaneous evidence including her own diaries and doctor’s reports, showing what he did to her. Nevertheless he has acquired a new wife since the first wife died, and the new wife has a website devoted to how the charges against her husband are terrible and untrue and what a great man he is, and “allegations are not true, justice will prevail” (I really hope it does!). It is staggering how people can be taken in.

Out of interest, how did you find his new profile on Facebook?

I don't recall ever seeing "you are not being unreasonable" at 99%. I think the correct answer is obvious to all.

I read that, too. Absolutely dreadful. And did you see how his new wife is the absolute spitting image of his late wife?? To a spooky degree, imo.

That poor lady. She truly felt she had no way out. I wish she'd gone the other way and done a Sally Challen. (Woman who put up with years of dreadful abuse, then snapped one day and beat him to death with a frying pan. 🤭)

ETA: Sorry, it was a hammer, but she'd been cooking him a fry-up when he went out to see his mistress and snapped when he came back.

Did you message her using Facebook messenger? If you’re not friends with her on there there’s a high chance she won’t see your message as it doesn’t usually alert you if a stranger messages you. You should maybe try to alert her another way if you can.

but who on earth are the 1% saying SIBU and why?

I would do this. Contact the police on the non urgent number and explain the situation. @TheDenimPoet

Could have been errors, and also there are some people out there who think you should never interfere no matter what. Hope they never need help.

I'd be reporting to police and social services. She needs to hear this through official channels who can then monitor the situation going forwards because he absolutely poses a serious risk. She may be vulnerable, he may have manipulated her, she may not know. But you telling her directly is not really enough because she may not believe you or he may find ways to excuse it away or she may not understand the gravity of the risk. Ring social services and police tomorrow. It may be part of his conditions that he needs to disclose relationships so this can be monitored.

Thank you for putting her child first OP. Far too many turn a blind eye when they don't know a child personally!

Well done OP. You did the right thing

Well done @TheDenimPoet .

Sorry op I missed your updates. I would just say go to social services independently. There are different thresholds for social services than criminal cases involving police. So while he may not be breaching conditions, social services may still want to assess and monitor. My understanding is that if someone is a scheduled offender they would contact her and explain and basically assess her ability to protect.

Thank you OP.
I am, sadly, another person who wished someone would have advocated for me as a child.

Please also follow up with the police until you are certain they have actioned this; don't let them continue to be 'too busy'.

He hadn't blocked everyone he knew (he'd certainly tried!) so it was coming up as a suggested friend as he'd added some people we knew who had chosen to stand by him.

I did, but I wouldn't have a clue how else to make contact. I'm also seeing the police tomorrow so hopefully something will be done.

Yup she may not see it for months. Hopefully the police can tell her about him