school say my son has to be in after his accident

[healingqueen]

I've NCed as this will be outing along with my recent posts.

My ds is 12 and in y8, last week was half term and he went out on his scooter as he does. NO helmet (dont judge I wasn't there - dad didnt make him wear one)

he ended up falling off his scooter at the skate park, someone called an ambulance and hes fractured his wrist and there was a lot of blood as he lost his front teeth, they sort of broke and his bottom ones went into his lip, im not sure if I'm explaining correctly.

there wasnt a lot they could do there and then apart from clean him up and take what was left of the teeth out to prevent infection? im not sure. hes going to have an appointment at a later date to see what they can do for the missing teeth as of course they're his adult ones

It's could've been so much worse and he knows he shouldve been wearing a helmet and I think this will have put him off the scooter anyway. I told him many times about wearing a helmet but if course he didn't listen

anyway hes still got a lot of bruising on his face, school know but has been refusing to go this week. they say this will go about as unauthorised absence and im worried about fines as hes already had days off this year

they say he needs to be in as hes well in himself bar the fractured wrist but he still needs to be in he’d sit out during PE. He is in pain with his wrist and we have a fracture clinic app on Friday to see if that needs surgery too

AIBU to think the school are bu here? hes refusing to go out full stop not just school

Why does he need to go into school?
Can he not do the school work at home while he recuperates?

I’d push back but then I’m in Ireland where they’re not ridiculously uptight about attendance figures and take a more pragmatic approach.

I worked in a school and had a car accident. I had lots of bruising and some stitches on my face and head. I went into work a few days later as the (horrible) head insisted I was needed urgently. I was sent home again within an hour after some of the children started crying as soon as they saw me!

And how long after their injuries were they off? Do either of them so have head / facial injuries?

A disfiguring facial injury is not the same as breaking a leg. He will be feeling so vulnerable, I’d let him work from home /have time off

…and if you have to wait 3/4/5/6months to have them fixed? I certainly wouldn’t have wanted to go to work with missing front teeth, but I’d have no option.

Agree- think some are being very hard about this.

This ^

I think some posters are being too hard on you OP . If he is in pain then he won’t learn . If he is on stronger painkillers which it sounds like he needs he will be dopey and should not be at school. Injuries need sleep to heal how can they do that if he is pain and / or going to school.

You are describing a child who has had a fairly traumatic injury. Personally I’d take more than a couple of days to come to terms with the shock of the injury and the loss of my front teeth. Do what is right for your child, get him to see a GP to get a note, but also if you are worried he isn’t getting over the shock normally.

The attendance police can F off. Do what is right for your child. If you are worried he’s embarrassed to see his friends, try to organise something fun/low key for him.

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any use re. teeth?

If I was in pain from my broken wrist and teeth, I wouldn’t be going to work. So I wouldn’t be sending in my child!
Once pain is manageable , yes. Schools especially secondary are large and loads of pushing etc.
Why can’t he be sent homework etc, but what’s he going to do if he can’t write!

That’s useful for a temporary fix. Thanks

Grow up.

The rest of us would go to work. We have bills to pay.

What?!!!! He is only in year eight it isnt like he is missing anything important let him stay at home and rest the school are being unreasonable (I am a teacher and normally side with schools on here but I think this is ridiculous!)

I actually think not going I this week if he's in pain etc is reasonable, I'd get a letter off the Dr.

But you need to step up and manage his pain better. That will massively affect his mood.

Calpol - is it the 6+ and the correct dose?

Alternate it with ibuprofen.

Check max doses but basically max dose him for a few days and then reduce it down.

Once his pain is manageable then you need to talk to him and find out why he won't go. Saying "well I said get up and he said no so of course I can do nothibg* isn't enough.

I think you are missing the point here @healingqueen. The school have no way of assessing your son, you are his parent, do what is right for him. There’s no way I’d send my child in, in that much pain and so soon after a shock. Literally not a chance.

For what it’s worth, it’s not a generational thing - my parents also wouldn’t have dreamed of sending me in with the kind of injuries and pain you describe. They would have been extremely worried for me.

I can’t get my head around how many people have this little empathy for an injured 12yo but it certainly explains why so many kids and teens are so depressed and disengaged.

If I lost my front teeth I'd be wearing a face mask in public until I could get them fixed. Is something like that an option for him, if he's feeling self-conscious?

I agree that he shouldn't have to go in if the problem is pain. If he's in pain, no real learning will be taking place.

And I say that as someone who had multiple operations on my arm at age 14 and went to school with my arm in a sling for most of a school year because of it.

This. When i have taken strong pain killers i went to bed really early as they made me feel really tired. I couldn't even focus on anything simple as i was so spaced out.

If he’s self conscious about his teeth could he try something like this as a temporary measure?

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I agree with this. I am really surprised that in this day and age when we understand MH issues and their importance, no-one is considering the sheer shock of having your teeth whacked out out of your head.

I'm much older than 12 and think I'd take a week off!

Once recovered!
I have had such a thing happen. Irrelevant to this post though but when on road to recovery and signed off by medicals I cracked on.

I assumed that OP has ensured all medical avenues have been sorted and son has been told he is well enough for school. Otherwise where is the argument?
If he is not fit for school medically and professionals say so, he would not be unauthorised absence.
Not difficult.

Exactly. He's in pain and he's had a huge shock.

Do all the people saying he's fit to go in so no reason to be at home have any idea what his state of mind is? Do you have no empathy? He's refusing to leave the house.

The poor child is still in pain, he's also probably suffering from the trauma of the accident and to top it all he looks a mess with missing teeth and a heavily bruised face.

Get the doctor to write a medical note to excuse him from school and if he's able to learn at home get the school to provide some online learning for him!

The dentist should be able to provide him with a temporary bridge for his teeth while they assess how they are going to fix him up on a more permanent base.

People are all different.

This boy might be a lot more sensitive than you.

Its things like this that teach resilience he can't just hide away from the world for months. Yes a few days of to recover which he has had now its time to think about getting back to normality.

I can see both sides to this.

I agree he should have been wearing a helmet, but even if he was, it wouldn't have stopped him fracturing his wrist, and probably wouldn't have made any difference to the teeth either. May have prevented some of the bruising, depending on location, abd would have prevented other head injuries which he appears to have avoided anyway .

My understanding is that after they have a certain number of days off sick, school may need proof that a child needs to be off. At the moment they don't have anything to support what you have said.

Did the hospital advise that he should take time off school, or avoid certainactivities?

DC had to have surgery to have teeth removed (due to the location it was more complicated and had to be done under general at the hospital). We were advised to stay off for a few days to allow some recovery time because a general anaesthetic had been given, because there were restrictions on what food could be eaten, and to prevent the wound being knocked. Because it was midweek we allowed to the end of the week and returned to school on the Monday. However I could send a copy of the surgery appointment and say that we were following the doctor's advice.

At a different time DC has also had a wrist injury - bruised not fracture, but was referred to the fracture clinic. Was given a wrist support and warned against sport/contact sport. DC did go back to school but there was a week in between the accident and the return to school anyway. They gave a pass to allow them to leave lessons 5 minutes early to prevent the arm being knocked.

I can understand in the circumstances why your son wanted some days off. He is in pain, and discomfort, and is probably concerned that his face could be accidentally knocked. He may also feel embarrassed by the bruising and his ability to eat and speak may be impacted.

If he were an adult, he would be able to self certify as not being well enough to work for a few days.

I think I would have told school he would have been off for 2 days and you would assess from there how he was. Illness isn't just infections, and there are multiple other reasons a child may not be well enough to attend. He will be missing time on Friday for a hospital appointment anyway ( which should be authorised because you can provide evidence of the appointment).

Have the school said what adjustments they can make to support him when he returns eg leaving lessons early if he is concerned about crowds. Also how he will take notes /do work if his right hand is in plaster - what he needs to manage may vary depending on how he can use his wrist.