school say my son has to be in after his accident

[healingqueen]

I've NCed as this will be outing along with my recent posts.

My ds is 12 and in y8, last week was half term and he went out on his scooter as he does. NO helmet (dont judge I wasn't there - dad didnt make him wear one)

he ended up falling off his scooter at the skate park, someone called an ambulance and hes fractured his wrist and there was a lot of blood as he lost his front teeth, they sort of broke and his bottom ones went into his lip, im not sure if I'm explaining correctly.

there wasnt a lot they could do there and then apart from clean him up and take what was left of the teeth out to prevent infection? im not sure. hes going to have an appointment at a later date to see what they can do for the missing teeth as of course they're his adult ones

It's could've been so much worse and he knows he shouldve been wearing a helmet and I think this will have put him off the scooter anyway. I told him many times about wearing a helmet but if course he didn't listen

anyway hes still got a lot of bruising on his face, school know but has been refusing to go this week. they say this will go about as unauthorised absence and im worried about fines as hes already had days off this year

they say he needs to be in as hes well in himself bar the fractured wrist but he still needs to be in he’d sit out during PE. He is in pain with his wrist and we have a fracture clinic app on Friday to see if that needs surgery too

AIBU to think the school are bu here? hes refusing to go out full stop not just school

As someone who has had a lot of dentistry, I can imagine just how bad your son is feeling. Face, mouth and dental pain is a lot worse than pain from a broken bone and that's without the added embarrassment of looking like Quasimodo. I think you are right to give him time to recover OP, and a few extra days isn't going to make much difference to his education. The school can go fuck themselves.

With regard to his teeth, it won't necessarily be a long fix, contrary to what PPs have said, implants could be done almost immediately. In fact I had an extraction and implantation on the same day. The first crown is a temporary one, but is replaced with a permanent crown about three months later. It is very expensive though - my last implant cost £4,500. If you go down the implant route it's worth considering getting them done in Hungary. Even taking travel costs into account, it costs half a much and the standard of care is excellent. I recommend taking him to a dentist asap so that you can discuss all the possibilities - if it's two teeth a bridge might be possible, but more difficult if it's four teeth. However a denture might help spare his blushes in the short term. I'd prioritise the dental fix over everything else.

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It was an error to not communicate the level of pain he's in - in the context of him potentially not being able to concentrate on lessons because of it.

You may be 'lucky' if the fracture clinic recommend he's admin for surgery but need some contingency plans.

I might ask the school to send his form tutor / head of year over to see him at home. Ticks the 'engaging' box and might help him come out of himself.

How is he eating at the minute? Would he be able to eat in the dining hall with his mouth as it is?

Worth talking through with school what they can put in place to support him:

• Maybe meeting with his form tutor and a few kids of his choice as the first thing he does to help him was back in. Agreement for other kids to help him carry his bag or alternative arrangements if that's not socially right.
• Maybe the form tutor to brief the group re his visible injuries and a reminder to not question him.
• Arrangements for him to take painkillers at school.
• Arrangements for him to use ice / heat / other non-drug pain relieving strategies.
• Somewhere at school he can do any physio exercises. If he's needing to do that daily, considering if he should temporarily stop doing something on the timetable till he's recovered.
• Explicit understanding that if it gets too painful he can and should ask for you to collect him.
• Strategies in lessons to minimise how much recording he has to do - provision of a laptop - he's likely to be faster typing one handed than handwriting with his non writing hand / notes from another pupil. He may find voice to text software useful - or with an unbroken voice may find it doesn't work well for him yet. It'll be a useful skill for the future if he can get to grips with it.
• Agreement you can scribe for him for homework - useful for maths where scribing is more useful than tech.
• If the corridors are busy / it's likely he'll be jossled agreement for him to leave lessons early etc.
• An alternative room for him +/- a couple of friendly to eat lunch especially if he's eating a soft diet or something else that isn't typical school lunch food. Or agreement for you to collect him at lunchtime so he can go home for lunch - not sure you're close enough for that to work.

If you're really worried about trauma it's worth talking this through with school and your GP re the appropriate timing for referrals - my understanding is early PTSD symptoms usually resolve and debriefing can be harmful but if symptoms persist then it's worth seeking specialist support. Also worth finding resources for your son explaining that nightmares / being on edge etc are all normal responses to trauma.

And it's worth talking through pain relief with the fracture clinic / dentist / GP - he may need more than paracetamol.

As he’s a child and it’s trauma, wouldn’t he be eligible to have treatment on the NHS? Also, I’ve always understood that there has to be several months between losing a toThe and having an implant as the gum has to heal, or can it be done straight away in certain cases?

Poor child, losing his teeth. I'm not surprised he can't face school. Hopefully he'll be entitled to new fake teeth somehow on the NHS as he's only young.

You could ask the school to send work home.

I can’t believe so many people have agreed with the school. I work in a school and value education but no way I would be forcing him back so quickly after what sounds like quite a traumatic incident, it’s not just about the fracture but the shock, teeth and bruising. If the school insist it’s unauthorised I would speak to the head or governors, with photographic evidence etc if needed. Definitely challenge it. Of course he can’t keep avoiding school once the shock has worn off and bruising gone down and this is something to sit down and talk to him about. But I would say right now he needs to know you’re in his corner and that it will all be okay in time. Poor thing, can you people imagine having a battered face and missing teeth and being made to catch a public bus to school after three days?

He is only 12 and in y8, surely he can work from home? This isn't gcse age or even mocks.

Where's the laughing emoji when you need it?

Ahhh available here on a response post!😂😂😂

So true!

I thought the possible speculated delay was more because they were waiting on the dental hospital appointment which would be NHS.

My poor dad spent a lot of his final years in bad dental pain as local dentists to them wouldn't take on as NHS or private and dental hospital waiting lists were really long where they were. Not all areas are the same and he may get seen much quicker and hopefully will.

The problem is the family don't currently have a dentist - no NHS dentist in their area which these days is sadly common and Op says can't afford private.

Though I would ring round explain and try again for one or consider private payment plans jsut for DS. There should be options and a dentist would be able to talk through them with him while waiting for dental hospital appointment to come through but it's finding one OP can access.

He goes went when both you and he feels he’s ready to go back. He’s 12. Hope he feels better soon.

The school’s attitude makes me very angry . They haven’t seen him, they don’t know the extent of the injuries and they’re not medically qualified. Who do they think they are? You’re the parent and it’s up to you to assess whether you think he’s well enough to be in school. If you think he isn’t ready to go back I would email the school and say that your son has had an accident which has resulted in facial injuries and will require dental surgery and that he has broken his wrist and is awaiting a review appointment to assess whether he will need surgery to repair the fracture. In view of this he is likely to be . off for another week until he has been reviewed at the hospital. You are his parents and the school don’t own your child. He won’t be able to stay off until his teeth are sorted and he will have to go back with a cast on his arm . In view of this I would ask him how he’s feeling now and if his face is still painful and I would ask him what in particular is worrying him about going back to school so you can help with it. Staying off school for a week after an accident doesn’t mean you will grow up into a shirker as some people are suggesting. If the issue about going back is more about embarrassment perhaps the school could help to address that rather than threaten you with a fine.

Implants aren't usually done on the NHS, but his age maybe a mitigating factor. My guess though is that he will get the cheapest and most basic solution - probably a denture. It used to be necessary to wait for six months before implantations, but that's not the case any more. Extraction and the first stage of the implantation can take place at the same appointment. I had this procedure a couple of years ago. I really feel for PP's son - I broke my two front teeth aged eight and I can honestly say that it blighted my childhood. I'd hate to see any other child go through it, especially now when cosmetic dentistry is so advanced.

im not priortising my other dc over him but even of he were my only child i would still struggle to get him in as i can't force him. and no he isnt late due to me having other children either

he doesnt especially love school and he took a while to settle into year 7 as he went to a different school to his friends, they all went to the ‘good’ school and he still doesnt have many friends a year on, academic wise he's okayish he isnt top set bur he tries

its still a hard cast that you get given first and it's making it difficult for him to sleep as it's big and heavy, hopefully after Friday sleeping will be somewhat easier

its not even been a week yet .

the hospital didnt say anything about school they just said keep ah eye on him and bring him back if he started vomiting and was confused and the symptoms got worse etc they said his concussion was mild and just keep an eye on him

he can't swallow tablets so he's been having calpol , he has been struggling to eat as all the food he really enjoys is hard / crunchy . They had to take the teeth out as they'd snapped off and was a mess and they couldn't save them as he likely swallowed the teeth (he did make a joke about getting lots of money from the tooth fairy 😆) they had to take the top 4 front teeth out so it is a massive gap and then his bottom teeth sort of pierced his lip

and to the poster saying I'm struggling to parent my other children so why would ds speak to me - where have I said I'm struggling?

He should be in school. If the injury was last week then he’s had some time to recover and getting back into more of a normal routine will help him feel better. If he’s anxious about his teeth then delaying things will just make it harder, both psychologically and in terms of falling behind with work. It sounds like he’s going to need implants which is a process taking months.

I would talk to school about accommodations to be made. Even if he went in for the half the day it would be better than nothing.

As for “I can’t make him” - he’s 12! Turning the wifi off/taking the gadgets away is a good first step. Otherwise he’s going to learn that he can basically just ignore you and do whatever he wants which won’t set him up well for adult life.

I don't know if "no reason at all". I would be extremely upset having to go in to work without my front teeth.

I actually wouldn't send my bruised, head injured, broken armed and extremely self-conscious pre-teen into school and I'd write a formal letter to that effect tbh.

Dentures sometimes only take a week to make (although that is privately), and maybe in a week or so if dentures aren't coming soon, he'll have to try to style it out at school.

@healingqueen Do you think in his current state he could manage the bus journey to school on his own, be able to eat at school, manage his pain and be safe around the school site? If not, then he will at least need support to go to school or stay off until most of those things have improved.

Yes they would. If you say you feel too poorly to attend work, how could they say “no you’re not”? GPs sign everyone off at the drop of a hat. They support their patients and don’t give a fuck about employers.

I think there’s two strands to this - physical and mental. The physical can be dealt with by time and pain management.

Does he have a friend who might come and see him at home at the weekend, tell him what’s going on at school (not lessons, just generally) and act as a bit of a supportive ‘buddy’ to get him feeling like he can go back in again?

Children can't have implants - they have to have dentures until their jaws stop growing.

I really feel for this kid, 4 front teeth is a lot and adolescents are already so self conscious.

Honestly, I thimk at 12 it might just be too much for him at school.
Its his dominant hand thats out of action, so everything he has to do will be awkward and difficult. From carrying his bag, to going to the loo, to eating.
Never mind eating infront of others with no front teeth.
Add in the pain in his arm, the tiredness from disturbed sleep, and the self consciousness of how he looks, and I think that should be plenty to justify him being off.
I'd not be forcing my son to go in just yet.
I'd probably agree a time scale though, and let him know he can be off until next week, then he needs to start going in.
Do you think GP would agree to a quick note? Especially given that he isn't sleeping well, and can't take anything stronger for pain (he's 12 and anything other than paracetamol or brufen is likely to give him side effects).

Who the fuck do these schools think they are? I’m the one responsible for my child’s health, wellbeing and this includes consideration of whether they are well enough to attend or need time off for appointments. I tell school when my child won’t be there, I’m not asking for permission.

And he has excellent attendance, but if I as his parent make a judgement that he needs time off for medical reasons, that’s the end of it

YES!! 👏

Toothache is one of the worst kinds of pain (if they've only cleaned it up, presumably it's still sore), and lots of people with fractured wrists stay off work

These days there's lots of stuff online, and I would have done better wfh for some of my classes, (depending on the teacher and classmates) than actually being in the room, so would they maybe let him do that? Lots of kids are in online schools now, but I'm guessing that isn't an option with yours, as if your school offered online/hybrid learning, you'd have presumably chosen this (it seems only private pupils get that option, not that I've really looked into high schools, but I couldn't afford that).

Money!

It is literally the easiest thing in the world to get a sick note from a GP most adults do for much less than losing four front teeth and breaking your arm not even a week ago

Is he well in himself though? Not many people would be well after losing their front teeth.

How do they know he’s well in himself? Have you downplayed it to a receptionist

can you stall the school by saying you are seeking medical advice on Friday about whether he’s well enough for school