school say my son has to be in after his accident

[healingqueen]

I've NCed as this will be outing along with my recent posts.

My ds is 12 and in y8, last week was half term and he went out on his scooter as he does. NO helmet (dont judge I wasn't there - dad didnt make him wear one)

he ended up falling off his scooter at the skate park, someone called an ambulance and hes fractured his wrist and there was a lot of blood as he lost his front teeth, they sort of broke and his bottom ones went into his lip, im not sure if I'm explaining correctly.

there wasnt a lot they could do there and then apart from clean him up and take what was left of the teeth out to prevent infection? im not sure. hes going to have an appointment at a later date to see what they can do for the missing teeth as of course they're his adult ones

It's could've been so much worse and he knows he shouldve been wearing a helmet and I think this will have put him off the scooter anyway. I told him many times about wearing a helmet but if course he didn't listen

anyway hes still got a lot of bruising on his face, school know but has been refusing to go this week. they say this will go about as unauthorised absence and im worried about fines as hes already had days off this year

they say he needs to be in as hes well in himself bar the fractured wrist but he still needs to be in he’d sit out during PE. He is in pain with his wrist and we have a fracture clinic app on Friday to see if that needs surgery too

AIBU to think the school are bu here? hes refusing to go out full stop not just school

Could take ages to sort his teeth, it is a massive thing to face people without front teeth.

With a facial injury of that extent he's very likely sustained a concussion as well. You say he's acting out of character, quite lethargic - these are symptoms of concussion. At my school we take head injuries very seriously - total rest (mental as well as physical) is crucial for full recovery.

I wonder if you can get him to a GP to ask about this?

No, because he's had teeth removed after a physically traumatic facial injury, which is now going to require significant dental treatment to manage. Plus a broken wrist and his face is smashed up.

Not likely to be true PTSD, but certainly a traumatic experience for anyone. I'd be a fucking wreck.

OP it’s worrying that your family doesn’t have a dentist. Apart from trauma to teeth, they need to have check ups.
I would keep him off school for a week. He’s had an awful shock , and no doubt has a lot of pain.

@healingqueen Were you at the hospital, or do you have any documentation about his injuries?

I'm struggling to imagine a knock to the face hard enough to smash teeth but not hard enough to cause damage to the gums/facial bones.

DD jumped headfirst into my parents' 12-foot fish tank when she was 6. Her bottom teeth pierced her lip and need stitches, and she fractured her top gum. She didn't lose any teeth, but we were told they would probably turn black and fall out in time.

I was advised to keep her home and quiet for 2 weeks to prevent further injury to her gum/bones while they are in the first stages of healing. Given that she was the type of child to dive headfirst into a fishtank full of small sharks, I expected this to be difficult, but she actually felt pretty rotten for the first week or so and didn't want to do anything but suck on icelollies and fester in front of CBeebies.

Yes but he can’t take time off school until they’re fixed.

You get him up because he needs to be aware of the consequences.
So, if he is refusing school, he still gets up, gets dressed and has breakfast, then he completes work.
If school dont send work, get some y8 workbooks off amazon, and use a tablet/laptop to access resources like white Rose maths and bitesize.

Follow his timetable and ensure he is working/studying.

In the meantime further liase with his school for reasonable adjustments and work out what you are going to do about his teeth because he can't stay off until they are sorted.

This is his education you are talking about. If you are lapse now, at best he'll fall behind, at worst you'll have a full school refuser.

Make it clear there is no dossing aeound during school hours. And surely he'll want to do his usual clubs and see friends soon....at that point...back to school you go

@healingqueen how is he usually at school?. Does he have a group of friends?

You've said he has had some time off before?

If he is still in pain I don't think it has to be all or nothing, a reduced timetable may be appropriate. It may be he can manage a few hours in the day with a later start and earlier finish.

If he is worried about comments and bullying and is self conscious then he needs reassurance from school about how they will support him.

If a sick note from the GP is required, they may be able to get to the bottom of why he won't go in, if he won't discuss it with you, so that may be a good port of call from the point of buying him a little more time but also getting more understanding about the situation.

Obviously if a child regularly misses a lot of school their education will be affected but sometimes absence due to illness is inevitable. I can’t see much advantage in a child who can’t write at the moment and has a possibly painful bruised face and recent dental extractions sitting in a classroom until they feel better. I know he can’t stay off until his teeth are sorted but a bit longer to get over the accident seems appropriate. Also looking back, now my children are grown up, the kids with the very highest grades haven’t always been the happiest and most successful in life. Poor educational outcomes hold people back but as long as they do reasonably well I wouldn’t worry. ( I used to be concerned about grades, now I think it was unnecessary).

It's the kind of injury where an adult might work from home, so fine if the school want him to do homework.

If his face is still swollen and he's in a lot of pain, it's unreasonable for the school to object to his absence.

As a former teacher I understand the importance of attendance, but some LAs/schools are taking this to unacceptable extremes.

As for the PP who was stopped from taking her child to an afternoon arthodental appointment- I'm flabbergasted! Do the school think they own her child?

I would think that he’s probably still a bit shaken up about the accident. Plus he’s in pain, and has a very visible set of injuries. I would be concerned about him being able to manage a bus journey with a broken wrist and the pain and potential embarrassment/attention over his teeth injuries and facial bruising. Is he able to eat at the moment, or is that painful?

Is there any way you could accompany him to school or take him there yourself for a while? I would want the school to be explaining how they can accommodate him in terms of his safety, so avoiding crowds, whatever adjustments he might need eg going to lunch a bit early, leaving classrooms a bit early, somewhere quiet to sit during break if he’s struggling, and so on.

How exactly would a helmet have saved his teeth?!
On this occasion the lack of a.helmet had nothing to do with any of the injuries he sustained.

I'm with you OP. It sounds like he is still in some pain and with significant bruising and lost teeth I would.absolutely be supporting him in staying off school a while longer. Whilst the academy may not like the absences, if the local authority do get involved, I would expect them to work with you towards getting him back in.
Did the hospital give any recommendations re the time frame?

This is making me extremely grateful for my mother and secondary school.

I severely broke my leg in the June half term of year 7 (29 years ago). I needed 2 surgeries to stabilise it and I had a hip to toe cast on my leg. Between the school and my mother it was decided that it was not safe enough for me to mobilise around the school. I'm not 100% who provided the tutor I had for that last few weeks of school before the summer holidays, but it wouldn't surprise me if my mum strongarmed the council into it. I was able to return to school at the start of year 8 with just a support cast on my leg, which came off after the October half term.

However, I do agree that OP's son's injuries don't sound serious enough to miss any more school. Saw plenty of arm casts back in my days at school and seen a few at my daughter's school in the 2 years she's been there. Hell, in my primary school (so we're talking 30+ years ago) there was a boy a couple years ahead of me who had had an above elbow amputation with no prosthesis yet to replace it. With minor adaptations, OP's son will be fine at school.

Against the grain.. sounds like a nasty accident. I'd let him be home this week myself

Hi OP,
I had a fall (I was supporting my young son on a scooter that overbalanced) and I bashed my jaw/teeth and deeply grazed my fingers and knuckles. My son was OK- I had saved him and that was why I hadn't been able to save myself. It wasn't a patch on what your son is going through but I was deeply shaken and tearful for a couple of days. We delayed going on our holiday (only uk fortunately) as I just wanted to sit under a quilt, and I'm grateful my husband completely understood and supported that.

As you already know your son is in pain physically and shock emotionally. Despite pressure from the school I would support him being off a while - perhaps another week. I would actually wrap him up in tlc during this time and try to protect him from outside pressures. Just let him hunker down, rest, watch movies and give him lots of love.

I think a previous posters idea to contact his GP and explain that School are putting him under pressure while he is in pain and very shaken is a good idea. The GP should hopefully be able to email you that he supports a week or whatever off on medical grounds. School could not put unauthorised then and insist they change any they have put.

When he goes back to school he might prefer to wear a covid style face mask. If he wanted to I would tell the school that that was what was happening.

Hope your son recovers quickly

OP, I’m sure that if any of the teachers at your son’s school had had an accident three days ago and were in pain with a bruised and swollen face, missing front teeth and a fractured wrist they would be straight back at work tomorrow.

Oh my mistake, of course they fucking wouldn’t.

Seriously he needs to go to school! Parents like this are what's wrong with the country today!

Well, that’s my thinking. And I am a teacher!

ETA - in fairness it won’t be individual teachers pushing him back.

It wasn't 3 days ago if he's had 4 days off school!

Omg 🤪

What did the doctor doing his care say? They usually give you a time frame when they can return to school and here, they provide a note.

he's had 3 days this week off and about 4 other days since sept the reason

He's had three days off this week - as last week was half term.

The 4 days come from earlier illnesses since start of this school year which is possibly why the school beeing so pushy - 7 days since September.

The point is the same though. I wouldn’t go to work (school) with my teeth a mess, a bruised face and a fractured wrist, it’s completely reasonable to heal and get dental treatment before returning.

And he’s in year 8, it’s not like he’s in year 11 where I can see there’s an argument for a stiff upper lip.

@Revoltingpheasants but if it takes weeks/months before teeth are fixed?

So why can’t he go in?

Is it because if teeth/bruiding? If so that’s no really a good enough reason as that could take weeks/months to resolve.