school say my son has to be in after his accident

[healingqueen]

I've NCed as this will be outing along with my recent posts.

My ds is 12 and in y8, last week was half term and he went out on his scooter as he does. NO helmet (dont judge I wasn't there - dad didnt make him wear one)

he ended up falling off his scooter at the skate park, someone called an ambulance and hes fractured his wrist and there was a lot of blood as he lost his front teeth, they sort of broke and his bottom ones went into his lip, im not sure if I'm explaining correctly.

there wasnt a lot they could do there and then apart from clean him up and take what was left of the teeth out to prevent infection? im not sure. hes going to have an appointment at a later date to see what they can do for the missing teeth as of course they're his adult ones

It's could've been so much worse and he knows he shouldve been wearing a helmet and I think this will have put him off the scooter anyway. I told him many times about wearing a helmet but if course he didn't listen

anyway hes still got a lot of bruising on his face, school know but has been refusing to go this week. they say this will go about as unauthorised absence and im worried about fines as hes already had days off this year

they say he needs to be in as hes well in himself bar the fractured wrist but he still needs to be in he’d sit out during PE. He is in pain with his wrist and we have a fracture clinic app on Friday to see if that needs surgery too

AIBU to think the school are bu here? hes refusing to go out full stop not just school

Go to the doctors for a sicknote. Absolutely ridiculous of the school insisting he goes in under the circumstances.

How involved is his dad?

Is he just staying in bed? Are there any chores he can do? He can look at Oak Academy for school work

Poor kid. If he’s lost his teeth he’s going to probably be in a lot of pain while the bruising comes out. What do your family normally do for a dentist? Do you go as a family?

What if he just keeps refusing? How long will you allow him to be off?

"at all"
I think there might be a lot of people who would want to stay in. Not just for the fracture and the bruising- he's missing his front teeth!

I can tell you (ask me how I know) that missing front teeth cause a horrible lisp and it isn't something you can easily correct.

@healingqueen I realize you had no say in it, but it's unfortunate they removed his teeth, as most broken ones can be repaired. He will probably need implants or a partial plate now. Can you ask his dentist to fit him with a retainer or something that will cover and protect the gap until his teeth are replaced?

I feel for your ds, I really do. 🩵

as someone who fell and bashed their face but kept all their teeth and didn't break anything, I was in a lot of pain from just the bruising and some fairly superficial cuts. I didn't go in the office for a week (worked from home because I can) because just carrying a backpack hurt, if I couldn't get a seat on the bus I felt too fragile to stand in case someone knocked me and my hands hurt to hold onto the rail. I was sleeping well because I was in pain just turning over and it also really knocks your confidence. He has my sympathies (but not for not wearing his helmet!)

I wouldn’t want to go into work with no front teeth and high school is even worse - I don’t blame him frankly.

Poor boy. I fell off a bench my first day in year 8 and hit my chin on the floor. Huge black bruise on my chin and it looked like I had a beard in my school photo.

He needs to go to school. A fractured wrist is not much. His teeth will be sorted out.

His accident is part of being young and stupid.

I haven't said they are obliged i was just answering posters questions.

the morning chaos isnt ‘nonsense’ either when trying to get 3 other children from 5 and under ready for school/nursery on time when one of them has a tantrum because the toast is the wrong shape or they didnt want the cereal they asked for or whatever. How do you suggest I get him, a 12 year old, up out of bed, dressed and then on his way to catch the bus?

If his wrist is still hurting can he get stronger painkillers from the doctors. I had to get some on prescription because the school wouldn’t give any medicine not on prescription including neurophen, so he couldn’t go in because it would wear off during the day.

It's ridiculous to expect him to go in while he's still in pain and has a broken wrist . Try and get a sick note from the gp for another week at least. school is out of order to be harassing you .

if you the parent have deemed him still in need of being home, then school need to stfu and mind their own business.

if you think he's well enough to be there, then sorry, you need to sort it out and get him there.

You and his dad are dropping the ball here. You need to actively parent and stop being so passive. Theres a reason he doesnt want to go to school. If youre stressed at home and cant manage your other children why would your older one want to discuss his issues with you? - his dad needs to step in and do something but let me guess hes a "typical man" and doesnt get emotions, safety and backseat parents.

He broke his wrist and gave himself a fright, it was a few days ago so now he needs to crack on.

If he’s self-conscious about going to school with no teeth it will be a good lesson in the perils of not wearing a helmet.

I recommend pursuing this, and putting in writing to the HOY and absence team that you wish to document a health plan for your DS (several times if needed). I am in this position with my DC who is 15 who had hearing, and now heart rate and balance, problems with just 2 days of absence in December. The issues coming from that were relevant for about 2 weeks when DC was in school but performance not like usual - instead of a sense of the problems being responsible for that, school were quite punitive, and it was pretty disappointing. Still following up on the medical issues but there was advice from the GP that has taken most of January to get through to school, and the impression I am getting is that it is fine to ignore it if it is not in a medical plan and (for example) only in emails.

As for 'They' aren't obliged to 'send' him work look up policies and/or ask for them - such as curriculum access and catch up policies, and such as supporting medical conditions within school. These were quite revealing in this case, and did help to get a conversation about appropriate measures to help within school rather than expect 101 percent performance despite not being up to normal physical condition. Interestingly, the last Ofsted report had entries that stated this school did poorly in supporting students with medical absences to catch up. Part of what you need to be talking about, in the health plan discussions, is how this will happen, who you contact to get hold of resources. Results so far over here have said to email teachers directly - yes, if that's what it takes, this will be what we do.

Ptsd he fell of his scooter in a park

He’s going to have to get used to it as he will be without teeth for a while.

he's not doing any school work at home as they havent sent any. i first phone monday morning and told them about the accident and that he wouldnt be in and she said she would pass it on to his HOY. HOY didnt get back in touch and i left a message tuesday on the absence line and again nothing and I called again today and this time the receptionist answered (there was no answer tues) again and basically said it's going down as unauthorised again then and was quite short with me. Then his head of year phoned and said he needs to be in, he's not unwell and the only reason he should be off if he had a sickness bug, no other reason and was quite dismissive.

Did you call - I wonder what the head of year was actually told.

I'd e-mail receptionist, attendance office head of year and HT - saying you son he has been badly injured - suffered server facial issues requiring hospital treatment and ongoing treatments and wrists fracture which may need an operation waiting to find out and is still suffering with serve brusing and is on pain killers and sleeping a lot. (Photos may help - you not talking about little knock)

You've been told this is incorrectly being recorded as unathorised rather than the correct code of injury and can they please correct their mistake.

You would clearly prefer his education was not be interrupted but you are following medcial advice and your own judgement about his current fitness to attend.

I'd also contact all the local denetal practsies NHS or not and explain the situation and see if any will atke him on as NHS or with a payment plan. That what I've had to do last two moves - first one found an NHS one second one that would take kids on as NHS if we adults went private.

Clearly if this goes on longer than this week then GP and being more forceful about getting school will come in - but accident wasn't that long ago and he still waiting to be assesed by facture clinic - I don't think it's unreasonable too wait till Friday so you know more about where you are but would make it clear next week and school is an expectation from you.

He's year 8 and not well this won't be about exams this will just be about school attendance figures.

But kids break bones all the time..they can't all stay off for weeks on end til it heals.
The parents need to arrange how going back to school will work - can he borrow a laptop for example to do the work (if it's his hand he writes with), can he leave lessons early so there isn't crowds in the corridor, get a lunch pass to skip the queue. Worse case scenario might be sitting in a pastoral office with a staff member if he refuses to go to the classroom.
There are lots of things that could be done but it sounds like you are rather passive about it.
Considering it was his dad that didn't enforce wearing the helmet perhaps he could now deal with taking the son to school.

As I said, you discuss this with him ahead of that time.

He is the eldest and is responsible for dressing himself and catching the bus to secondary school, as he's likely been doing for a year and a half now.

You listen to his worries and find out what's motivating this, even if it's just that he thinks he can exploit the injury. You help him manage his pain. You support if he needs extra time or physical help for now. You liaise with his head of year to ensure he can access lessons physically and they're aware of his concerns about returning. You encourage him to engage with his education because it's valuable and he needs it.

You parent him, rather than letting him decide he can opt out of school. He's just had a week off and been irresponsible. I happen to think the facial injuries and missing teeth are punishment enough, but he can't be rewarded!

I think YABU, sorry. Yes it’s probably a little embarrassing for him, but he can’t stay off school until it’s fixed. It could be months yet.

You have to parent ALL your children. You’re failing him here, in favour of the younger ones. What else is he allowed to call the shots on, to his detriment, just because you have other kids?

OP did he completely lose his teeth, or might they be able to be crowned, or have a bridge on the NHS as he is so young, and having to go without teeth could affect him mentally. I hope they can do something for him soon.

Is he often late because of chaos in the morning?