school say my son has to be in after his accident

[healingqueen]

I've NCed as this will be outing along with my recent posts.

My ds is 12 and in y8, last week was half term and he went out on his scooter as he does. NO helmet (dont judge I wasn't there - dad didnt make him wear one)

he ended up falling off his scooter at the skate park, someone called an ambulance and hes fractured his wrist and there was a lot of blood as he lost his front teeth, they sort of broke and his bottom ones went into his lip, im not sure if I'm explaining correctly.

there wasnt a lot they could do there and then apart from clean him up and take what was left of the teeth out to prevent infection? im not sure. hes going to have an appointment at a later date to see what they can do for the missing teeth as of course they're his adult ones

It's could've been so much worse and he knows he shouldve been wearing a helmet and I think this will have put him off the scooter anyway. I told him many times about wearing a helmet but if course he didn't listen

anyway hes still got a lot of bruising on his face, school know but has been refusing to go this week. they say this will go about as unauthorised absence and im worried about fines as hes already had days off this year

they say he needs to be in as hes well in himself bar the fractured wrist but he still needs to be in he’d sit out during PE. He is in pain with his wrist and we have a fracture clinic app on Friday to see if that needs surgery too

AIBU to think the school are bu here? hes refusing to go out full stop not just school

Are people missing the time frame. He's missed 3 days. The injury only happened last week - it's still pretty new.

Yes, you can go to school with a fracture - but only once it has been assessed, stabilised and you have had some sort of conversation with school about how his pain will be managed, how he will be kept safe in the school environment.

He needs to avoid the rush in between lessons. He needs to have some sort of plan with the school if he is struggling with pain. He needs to have some help for writing/recording information if it's his writing hand.

I find the lack of sympathy for this poor boy who has suffered significant injuries quite sad.

I am absolutely certain that if this was an adult then workplaces would not be treating them this way - and you get more choice as to where you work.

I think those who are adamant that the poor kid needs to be in school are only thinking of the missing teeth and not the pain, swelling, and trouble speaking and eating he will still have less than 7 days after the injury.

No adult, no matter how much of a martyr they are, would be at work in this state. Anyone who claims otherwise is lying.

@Frequency Tbh it's worrying that so many adults lack common sense, critical thinking skills and empathy.

"The Great British Race To The Bottom" - should be a weekly TV show hosted by Mumsnet 🫠

This attitude is why the country is in such a mess - he absolutely should be made to go to school - we're pandering too much to kids and this is why we have so many work shy YP.

If I'd broken my wrist and had my front teeth smashed out last week, like fuck would I be going to work!

This.
OP your issue really isn't the fact that his time off is being marked as unauthorised. Your issue is that he is flatly refusing to consider school or even discuss his concerns with you.

What has happened to him is awful, but life goes on, and if he opts out of school for a significant period of time, he will fall behind.

You need to speak to school and arrange for work to be sent. And he needs to speak to you about what timeframe he's thinking of, because if he says that he won't go back till his teeth are fixed, then you'll need to home-educate him.

Does he usually like school? What are his grades like? Can he afford to take several weeks out?

I think it sounds like he should be in school now. Maybe a day or two off, but I don’t usually give mine days off for injuries.

My DS has had lots of sports related injuries (usually sprains but these can actually be more painful than a break) and it’s not practical to have time off for them all. Sometimes it’s needed me going in at lunch time with calpol (at primary). At secondary they can have paracetamol left with the desk, but he has a sprained/ possible slightly fractured foot in a boot at the moment - that means me having to take time out of my work day (and work later in the evening) to drive him in and out. Yes it’s annoying and it would be easier to keep him off but he needs his education!

Could he have head trauma? When i had a bike accident as a child I was briefly knocked unconscious. I was 'depressed ' for weeks after the accident- in pain, didn't want to do anything, couldn't go to school. My parents were really worried as I was usually a very happy, chatty, busy child and I was like a ghost. They suspect it was head trauma (unfortunately they didn't take me to hospital so nothing proven...). It may be psychological (ie he is worried about rude comments etc) but it may be that he is in a lot of pain and struggling to be able to do anything. I would ask to go in for a meeting with the headteacher or HoY with your son and show them the extent of his injuries and how hard it is for him to go anywhere.

I would imagine if he does get marked down as unauthorised absence and you were to get a fine you could easily challenge it in court/with the local authority. Get lots of pictures of him and evidence as much as you can that he's just staying in the house and not himself. Perhaps you could ask the GP about a referral to a child psychologist for trauma, if you do think he is suffering psychologically. I doubt given waiting lists he'd see anyone anytime soon but it might help him if he did, and the GP referral would help you make your case to school.

The issue is when is he going to decide he is ok to go back? Have you spoken to him about what he feels is a reasonable amount of time?

Yes he's only missed 3 days of school so far this week, but if the accident happened even midweek during half term it's now been 7 days.
As others have said waiting for his teeth to be fixed, especially if you can't afford private, could be a long wait. He isn't going to instantly get it resolved if that is what he is hoping for.
I think he would be better to go back sooner as the longer he leaves it the worse it will be in terms of catching up on learning and also friendship issues.

I feel for him, he’s most likely too embarrassed. It may be the bruising but most likely the teeth, losing your front teeth is awful- poor kid. Obviously the school aren’t being unreasonable either because he isn’t too unwell/severely injured not to attend, he’s just embarrassed. As others have said though, it may take a while to get implants unless you can afford private and he can’t stay off forever.

@grimupnorthnot Are you having a laugh?

Every day I hear adults on mumsnet saying they're not going to work because of some twinge or other.

These are significant injuries. He hasn't grazed his knee - he's smashed his teeth and face in and broken his arm.

I am absolutely certain if this had happened to an adult who was told by work that they had better get their ass in pronto that the replies would be that this was entirely unreasonable.

The country is in a state because it has been asset stripped by billionaires and too much money has been given to individuals and too little given to large infrastructure projects that help all of us.

Unless it was a full face helmet he would have still most teeth.

Seen similar happen on pump track wearing normal skid lid.

Mine do extreme sports and always wear mouth guard after seeing teeth damage

@Ocelotfeet27 Anything that produces facial injuries is considered a head injury so you make a very valid point.

He needs to go to his lessons. School isn't working for a living; it's access to education. If he misses it, he loses out. If he can sit in a classroom, listen and type, he's better there than lounging at home.

I feel so badly for your son. I was bullied, and theres absolutely no way I'd have gone in with my top front teeth missing! Kids at highschool age are cruel, they would have absolutely incessantly taken the piss and made life miserable. There would have been very little learning happening when all i could think about was the humiliation and hurt of being bullied, and thats without the incapacitated dominant hand.

I feel for you too OP, with the likely threats of fines, and it being able to be taken further such as court etc, you must be really worried, and no doubt this will make your son feel awful too as he won't be wanting you to get in trouble, he just really can't face it.

Do you have a local childrens hospital? They tend to have on site teachers for the patients, including a small on site school. Students could go there temporarily with broken limbs, or other physical or mental health issues that meant they couldn't cope in a mainstream, or there was limited availability for teachers coming to your home. I know because this is what i ended up doing. If so, contact your GP for an appointment to discuss this as a possibility, even if theres not a childrens hospital there may be the potential of an at home learning period, and the GP is usually the first step.

Your poor boy.

I expect he's in pain and actually very frightened by what happened. An impact on his face so hard that teeth get knocked out is something that would take most people time to recover from.

I expect he's worried about being knocked at school and potential bullying.

To take the pressure off can you see if your GP came do some kind of sick note for a week off. His face and mouth must be very sore as well as his wrist. He is almost certainly experiencing trauma from this and worried about what his teeth and face will look like in the future.

I'd also ask the school for a meeting to arrange what needs to be done by them to make sure he isn't bumped in the corridor and to ensure no one attempts to humiliate him about this.

Most people would need something time to recover from a significant and painful accident. These Secondary Schools have absolutely lost the plot regarding their quest for higher attendance and are ignoring the mental and physical health of children to do this.

It's like the four yorkshiremen on speed around here.

Blimey. I would definitely keep him off. Did he have a concussion too?

He should be going in I was injured worse than that. I was back at school a week later on crutches. Had to go up and down flights of stairs on crutches. The only reason I stayed off for a week is because the first week they only put a half splint on because of swelling. So was a risk my injured leg would get knocked.

'They' aren't obliged to 'send' him work. The staff are standing in the room actively teaching material, which is where he needs to be to learn.

The morning being chaos is nonsense as well. This needs discussing and putting right with him before he just ignores you and does as he pleases again.

School are the only ones insisting on what's right Parents are supposed to be adults who act in their children's best interests too, not working against them and calling their basic expectations unreasonable.

I am disgusted by this. Are schools really this bad? My DS is only in Reception but I find this awful.

Can you say he has D&V then that'll give him some time off, right? Shocking behaviour from the school.

Big hugs to you and your DS. Let's hope he realises he's not too cool for a bloody helmet now!! These boys...

He should not be in school until there is a proper plan in place. He could need help with his writing and he needs to avoid the rush between lessons. I am not saying that he should stay off until his teeth are sorted as that could take a while. It is that he could still be in a lot of pain. I wasn't well enough to go to work the week after i had a bad accident. I didn't knock any teeth out but the pain was awful.

A whole week just for that?

I spontaneously combusted and died once, and I was back at work the same day.

It's no wonder the world is in the state it's in if people expect time off work/school to rest and recover after traumatic injuries.

Hi,

It sounds to me as though he is not well.

You could ask the school to send work home. If they won't then I think you should just let him take time to recover and ignore them.

My son got ill in secondary school the school were absolutely awful to us because we were messing with their attendance record. I was left with no respect for them whatsoever because they didn't seem to care about child welfare at all.

FWIW I broke a wrist once and was signed off for a fortnight.

My friend lost all her front teeth like that and she was given a line of plastic false teeth to slot in. It didn't take long to organse it. she used to delight in removing them for school hockey practise so she could scare the opposing team by smiling at them. She was an extremely good nurse in later life.

I can understand him not wanting to go back if his teeth are all messed up tbh.