school say my son has to be in after his accident

[healingqueen]

I've NCed as this will be outing along with my recent posts.

My ds is 12 and in y8, last week was half term and he went out on his scooter as he does. NO helmet (dont judge I wasn't there - dad didnt make him wear one)

he ended up falling off his scooter at the skate park, someone called an ambulance and hes fractured his wrist and there was a lot of blood as he lost his front teeth, they sort of broke and his bottom ones went into his lip, im not sure if I'm explaining correctly.

there wasnt a lot they could do there and then apart from clean him up and take what was left of the teeth out to prevent infection? im not sure. hes going to have an appointment at a later date to see what they can do for the missing teeth as of course they're his adult ones

It's could've been so much worse and he knows he shouldve been wearing a helmet and I think this will have put him off the scooter anyway. I told him many times about wearing a helmet but if course he didn't listen

anyway hes still got a lot of bruising on his face, school know but has been refusing to go this week. they say this will go about as unauthorised absence and im worried about fines as hes already had days off this year

they say he needs to be in as hes well in himself bar the fractured wrist but he still needs to be in he’d sit out during PE. He is in pain with his wrist and we have a fracture clinic app on Friday to see if that needs surgery too

AIBU to think the school are bu here? hes refusing to go out full stop not just school

It sounds like you need to try to engage him a bit more on what the problem is. You don't know whether it's embarrassment, shock, pain or what.

Tell them to fuck off. Would you go to work if you’d just had your face smashed up like that? My son had a similar scooter accident at the same age and he needed maxilla facial and plastic surgery including a GA and he had another couple of days off to recover.

Going against the grain I think he should be at home a little longer until the bruising on his face goes down. When I broke my wrist I couldn’t write with a pen for 6 weeks and I was slow on a keyboard, but I wasn’t really in a lot of pain. When I had three teeth out I was in pain for about 10 days. I did have to go out and about with missing teeth for a while and go to work. He can listen in school but he won’t be able to do much written work. I would give him the rest of the week. I think schools have lost perspective over attendance. All another week off will affect is their attendance figures, it won’t have an adverse affect on your son in the long term. I would just tell them that you’re keeping him off until he has been reviewed in the fracture clinic and the bruising to his face has improved. I agree with the previous poster, tell them to fuck off.

Unfortunately attendance is all the school cares about. My sister's child had a broken ankle, was on crutches for weeks but had to be back in school immediately and parents were chased almost daily when child just couldn't face day after day on crutches (in the first week after).

You will need to encourage your son to go back to school (with school support) or else you are likely to be fined.

Yes he needs to be in school if he’s capable of being there and not at an appointment. It will take months to sort out his teeth as they will need bruising to subside first. School is important

He should go to school, and yes, of course he should wear a helmet

BUT:. a helmet would NOT have prevented injury to his wrist or teeth, so it isn't the example the school (and others) think it is 🤷

And as to those saying would you be in work, the answer is yes, I dont take time off if I’m well enough to be in work, in fact my dh drove me to work when i wasn’t fit to drive due to a medical condition

God yeah, I was involved in a skiing accident and ended up going in to school with a full length cast on my leg and plenty of bruising. I managed to break my arm a year later and managed to go back to school just fine.

I'm not surprised. DS secondary school wouldn't even agree to an hour off for an orthodontic appointment with a 7 month wait. They said if we took him out they would refer us for a fine. It's an afternoon appointment so he needs permission to leave.

Their words and tone actually frightened me somewhat. I can't afford an £80 fine! He has 99% attendance.

FWIW bruising on the face is very painful & causes very horrible headaches. I was signed off from work with similar injuries after a bike accident as I struggled to speak and had horrific migraines. I also had a broken wrist

Gently, he needs to be in school. It’ll be months before he’s all recovered and he’ll miss too much school if he’s off that long. The fact that it’s an academy is irrelevant. Children who miss a lot of school get poorer exam results - there’s a really clear link between attendance and attainment. That’s why school want him in.

Also, consider that the longer he’s off, the harder it’ll be to get him in. Better to rip off the plaster now. Is there anyone who can temporarily help in the morning to get him in?

How will you manhandle him in the car?

The school are being unreasonable, he's clearly injured and recovering from that. They need to back off. His attendance should be going down as Illness, which doesn't count against attendance. I'd be fighting them on this.

If it's true that they are planning to make an example of him in assembly, I'd be making a formal complaint should they do so. That is disgraceful.

He's obviously not ok right now.

I hope you gave his father a dressing down over his failure as a parent over the helmet.

Funnily enough, snow sports were often the reason at my school, as it serves the biggest Scottish ski resort.

The evidence doesn’t support there being no impact on achievement.

https://www.health.org.uk/evidence-hub/education/relationship-between-school-absences-and-attainment

How long will he not be going out? The longer he leaves it the harder it will probably be. Wallowing at home isn't going to help. As others have said it's probably going to take ages for his teeth to be sorted.

I had to go to client meeting on a Monday morning after walking into a door at the weekend making a mess of my nose and getting 2 black eyes. I looked a right state, and it was a bit elephant in the room as no-one mentioned it! I was so embarrassed but far better to carry on and I couldn't not work until everything had healed

Mine was sustained on the black run at The Lecht!

Not RTFT but get him a referral to Bart’s for his teeth now. Do not accept no from your dentist. They need to save the nerve asap.

Do you think he well enough to cope in school?

Plus who is telling you this?

I had with DS who had an emergecy operation the attendance officer on our case - head of year actaully didn't want him in till he was well enough to cope - ( not broken bones but serious operation and resulting tenderness in senstive area).

If in your judgement he needs more time - then fuck what the school thinks. If he needs to get back to normal and get outside the house - and is just self concious and scared then yes pushing him back - inisting he attend by x date - could be the right thing rather than letting the fear build.

Is there staff will to help support him - can accomodations be made for busy corridors so he's not knocked?

I'd also tell the sister to stop scaring him about going back - a helmet wouldn't have save his teeth or wrist - and accidents happen no one should be made to fear being publically humiliated as well as enduring the ongoing worry and pain from one. It's likely that made any fears and self conciousness much worse and I'd have been livid that was suggested to him and it's really not very kind and if school was planning or did anything like that I'd be very angry with them.

Is he at risk of delayed concussion with sudh a severe facial injury? He should be resting as much as possible right now to minimise any concussion risk.

You need to get a doctor's note for him.

Oh how awful for your poor son.
School are being ridiculous. Fine if it was just the wrist but hes had a horrible mouth injury and a shock.

I fell and hit my front tooth which killed it and cut my mouth and im in my 40s and it was really traumatic and I felt awful for a while after so I would keep him home for the rest of the week and see how he is over the weekend.

Could the doctor provide a sick note?

Have you been able to see a dentist for options on the teeth?

Thank goodness, I was beginning to think it was just me!
It's not up to the school to decide that he's fit enough to go back. It's up to you. Is it even a week since the accident? It can really shake you up. And you know that he's still in a lot of pain, that he's hiding in his room and not seeing his mates. Doesn't sound like he's ready to me. And get a referral for his teeth ASAP.

If he's still in a lot of pain, keep him home. Otherwise, facial bruising and a wrist in plaster shouldn't be keeping him off school.

Sorry as a mother of school refusers: How do you get a 13 year old into school if they utterly refuse. I have cajoled children into school, but if you have a child who absolutely refuses at this age there is a point at which you can do nothing. (You can no longer pick them up and make them.)

OP I’d be trying to see a doctor and seeing if they can persuade them or are willing to “sign them off on mental health grounds”.

If he is in pain and refusing to go out at all, he is clearly suffering in more than one way. Id explain to the school that he has had a nasty crash, he will be back after the fracture clinic on Friday.

My dd broke her arm at school and school wanted her straight back in the next day. I explained that she was in the children's ward and had been to the operating theatre, the consultant had said no school for at least 7 days as he didn't want her knocked and the op repeated. The school queried this so I gave them the consultants name and told them to contact his secretary - I would give permission for them to speak about her car - they suddenly didn't want to and were fine with her having the 10 days off (which included weekends)

Seems your son is mentally not well enough to return to school after a serious accident that resulted in significant physical injuries..
People sayign "i cant see why he cant go in" obviously havent thought about how this accident has affected your son mentally .
Could you and your son discuss with GP and get sickness cert and ask school for some home learning support.
My daughter had a similar accident ( facial injuries and ankle fracture) and was off school for 3 weeks ,school were very supportive and sent work home for her, then a staggered return as crutching around all day was exhausting .