To not want DD to become a doctor

[toomuchgoingonhere]

Lovely DD has told me before that she was considering medicine. I didn’t think much of it as she was in year 9. Whenever I bought it up again, she told me not to ask her and leave it with her. This week, (she’s now in year 10) she mentioned A-levels, very light-hearted, saying she thinks she’ll do biology, then came “I have to decide if I want to be a doctor”. Now my AIBU is that from all we hear, and all that we know, it’s sounds terrible. I’m not going to mention anything to her again, but there are lots of pathways- paediatric, gynae, bones….
what do you think? Anyone else with a DC going studying medicine or have made it though the other side? Are you are doctor or OH?

i am a doctor - it is very very hard , it is both the best and the worst.
If she has a strong feeling then she needs to go with it.
I still, at 61, feel it’s my calling.

Why wouldn’t you want your daughter in a very lucrative career once they’re out of the junior doctor days and heading to being a consultant and beyond. I’m biased as I’ve a few doctors in the family but I’m curious as to ‘what we hear’ bit. What’s wrong?

I am a doctor (now a consultant) without any doctors in my family. No kids yet (too busy training!) but if I am lucky enough to have one and they wanted to be a doctor I wouldn’t put them off.

I think it’s really important to be aware of the actual reality of the job, but it’s not all bad. I’d strongly recommend she gets as much work experience as she can as soon as possible - firstly for a potential application but even more importantly to hear first hand from others working in healthcare what it is like.

This I could never have done anything else. Dd is going to medical school in September ( 4th generation of female medics). If it's what you want to do then it is what you want to do.

I say Let her do what she wants. You may find when she starts/finisheS uni etc that it’s not for her and may go down another path anyway. It’s her choice.

Why do you think it sounds terrible?

There are dozens of specialities. Many of those offer flexibility to sit alongside family life. Many are well paid. They are interesting, well respected. Training is long and training places can be hard to find, but I don't see it as harder than some other careers.

My DD wanted to be a vet, never happened. She did Forensic Biology instead and works in a Lab.

My sister is a GP and, like many others I know, is retiring in her late 50s because they just don’t recognise the job any more.

DD is also Year 10 & wants to be a Psychiatrist. She’s already achieving 9s in maths & science mocks so she is probably more than capable academically. If it’s what she wants to do I’m not going to talk her out of it.

It's not the easiest path or job but I know many doctors and they love what they do. Some decided to do adjacent courses like radiography so they just do the imaging in usual office hours, she might not decide on full medicine when it comes down to it. My close doctor friend switched from hospital to GP work when she was getting ready to start a family.

20 yrs in and I'm looking for a way out now. It's not the career it used to be and it's not worth the anxiety anymore. If she hasn't already thought about work experience/finding ways to explore what it's really like working in the NHS then I'd strongly encourage that.

There are worse very difficult jobs to do that pay far less.

Why did she tell you not to ask her and to leave it with her?

That's a bit strange unless you were nagging her about it?

Childhood friend is a consultant. She literally does it to help people and she loves it when they come back to the follow up happy and feeling better. All the shit is worth it for her to be able to do that. Be proud of your daughter!

It is your daughter’s choice, but it is a shame that the decision has to be made so young due to A level choices.

I wanted to be a doctor at her age, then I watched the TV show ‘Cardiac Arrest’ with Helen Baxendale and it put me off with its brutal honesty about the life of a junior doctor. Unfortunately, I was already well into my medicine chasing A levels at that point. I wish I had done different A levels.

Well, I would have put it up there with airline pilot, high end solicitor, top accountant (don't rip these to shreds, I'm thinking off the top of my head). It's (still) one of the most respected jobs there is. Can't imagine why you would want to put your child of if she has her heart set on it. Good for her.

And by the time she's gone through school, university, hopefully the NHS will be a better place to work...

Op I would be incredibly proud if either of my dc became medical professionals.

Studying medicine will open her eyes to all the possibilities the degree can offer. She might decide not to go the doctor route, or she might. Let her make the choice.

Do the minimum you need to do in the UK and then try and go overseas to USA or Australia

Let her
It is a studies with a job at the end of it
She can switch direction in later years
Her decision

So it is alright for other people to be doctors but not one of you own? Why on earth would you have a problem with any career your child chose?

I’m confused, why would you not want her to study medicine? Is she not capable? If shes capable and then decides she doesn’t want to work as a dr then she’s not in a bad spot with a medical degree?

Can I say thank you to all the doctors and consultants on here who have stuck with it - like teachers too, it’s not an easy job with constantly changing goalposts but a lot of people do indeed really appreciate you, although it may not feel like it at times!!! OP you should be very proud if she does go down that road .

My dd is a medical student. Honestly, I wish she had chosen an easier path and I do worry about how difficult it is going to be for her, but she was 100% certain that she couldn't see herself doing anything else, and I can actually see why it is a perfect fit for her. I wouldn't have ever tried to put her off... she has a clear sense of vocation and it is for her to live her life as she sees fit. If it ever gets too much for her, I guess she will be able to stop and do something else.

I am immensely proud of the fact that she wants to do it. Like most med students, there were many other options that might have been open to her. We should all be grateful that there are talented young people who choose this path...I don't think I could have done it.

She could choose A Levels that keep her options open.. So Maths Chemistry will keep medicine as an option (at some unis, not all) and another 1 or 2 A Levels in subjects she loves ..

I'm a doctor. I'm only 39 and I'm already very part-time. I'm hoping to retire by my early 50s at the absolute latest. If I had a higher earning husband or other options I'd have left already. It's incredibly stressful and not always as lucrative as people assume (especially if you work part-time because the stress of the job has made you unwell). But if it's what your daughter wants to do, I suggest you ensure she goes into it with her eyes wide open, but respect her decision if she does go ahead.