To not want DD to become a doctor

[toomuchgoingonhere]

Lovely DD has told me before that she was considering medicine. I didn’t think much of it as she was in year 9. Whenever I bought it up again, she told me not to ask her and leave it with her. This week, (she’s now in year 10) she mentioned A-levels, very light-hearted, saying she thinks she’ll do biology, then came “I have to decide if I want to be a doctor”. Now my AIBU is that from all we hear, and all that we know, it’s sounds terrible. I’m not going to mention anything to her again, but there are lots of pathways- paediatric, gynae, bones….
what do you think? Anyone else with a DC going studying medicine or have made it though the other side? Are you are doctor or OH?

I know quite a few doctors and none of them hate it. Yes they find the NHS frustrating. Of course they do. But they've all stuck at it into their 50s. One of them covered the junior doctors' strike a few years back and while she found the nights super exhausting, she'd run out of jobs to do by 1am. She said it made her realise how much more efficient she'd become over the years!

But she will have options to do the same. Private. Australia. America. Other fields who would value her training. Just because she trains as a doctor doesnt mean she has to spend her entire career in the nhs.!

I have also (unfortunately having several conditions the NHS does a poor job with) had cause to see a few private doctors over the years and they've been positively cheerful. I'm sure the money helps of course 😀.

It's a long game, medicine.

I’d be so proud! None of mine are inclined that way but if they were, I’d support them all the way , as well as letting know the potential reality.

I’m not a doctor but several of our school and uni friends are.

Yes, their training is hard and so are the first few years but that’s true of most professions (the doctors had a ball compared with the actuary we know, and practically worked part time compared with friends setting up businesses in our twenties/thirties.)

Our doctor friends chose interesting specialisms, work in really interesting consultant roles and seem perfectly happy in their work. They often run healthy private practices (except my friend in palliative medicine) and work on interesting and often cutting edge projects, both in the UK and overseas.
DD considered medicine for a while and none of the doctors were negative about their profession when she spoke to them,

If your DD feels drawn to medicine, it’s a strong career choice.

It’s her future her decision. Your job is to fully support her choices.

If she wants to be a doctor you follow her lead and support her.

She might not want to live abroad, far away from her family though.

You can’t do private work until you’re a consultant which is minimum 9 years, post-medical school, of working for the NHS. Unless you want to get to registrar level and then just work in a private hospital as an RMO but there is no progression after that as there is no training available.

OP - YANBU to have concerns. My doctor son left the NHS/ medicine after five years, to go and work in the city. He regrets studying medicine and if he had his time again would have become a lawyer. It will obviously have to be your daughter’s choice but you can help make sure that she’s got her eyes wide open.

Hospital consultant here
I wouldn’t try to discourage either of my DDs. Both have told me at various times that they want to be doctors. It’s still a great degree to use for other careers too.

All I would say is tell her to go in with eyes open so work experience and also talking to plenty of medical professionals.
GP is not an easy option. I actually think it looks more stressful than a lot of hospital medicine.
I would do it all over again fwiw. I love my career, it continues to challenge and interest me nearly 30 years on. The NHS can be a pretty stressful environment work in though.

Me and DH are doctors. I'm a GP, he's a hospital consultant. We wouldn't want our DC to do medicine. If insistent, would arrange 3 night shifts on the trot in a&e, as work experience. If not put off then may be bit more on board.

I get your worry but she could find herself hating another career. At least there is job satisfaction and good being done in her choice

I think you're being reasonable actually OP. But I wouldn't encourage any of my DC to become a healthcare professional. I qualified and lasted 5 years in the NHS. And then I chose another job where I wasn't going into work, worrying because we were short staffed and not doing the best i possibly could because I was running around like a blue arsed fly.

All of that said, I would wholeheartedly support DS if he wanted to go down that road. It's his decision.

I’ve been trying to nudge my own teen towards being a doctor instead of a veterinarian because it seems like an easier path.
We did a university open day recently. What I took away from that day was that I should not be stressing this right now.

Students have to go and experience the reality of these paths. If they turn out not to be the right match, they are bright students who will be able to shift to related careers.

Also need chemistry. My DS (year 11) wants to study medicine. I wanted to be a doctor but was talked out of it by my grandma (she was a Gp) as she didn’t like the way the NHS was going. It’s my main regret in life that I didn’t become a doctor.

I know two that went to Australia this year, another going there next year. So far so good it's working well for them.

You do not need chemistry. 12 unis do not require it.

I have one of each. Both hard work but both love their jobs. Doctors earn more but vets get more say in where they work.

I was put off my choice of career by parents in the profession I wanted to enter (not medicine) and it really derailed half of my 20’s (until I got there eventually, having had to navigate round them). Let her explore and then try what she feels is right for her as she feels so strongly

My DS is in his first year of med school and we had many conversations about how hard the early years can be, how there are far easier ways to earn a similar wage, etc but it is all he ever wanted to do. Ultimately they have to choose what they believe will make them happy.

GP here with a few children .I’ve worked part-time for a while around the family.Not many careers with the choice to do this .Yes it’s been stressful,even exhausting at times -but -I’ve worked in different countries ,met so many people ,and I’ve generally had the most interesting life due to Medicine .I honestly would do it all again .
My eldest is keen to do Medicine.Yes ,I worry at times but I’d never put her off .
Such a fulfilling life .Definitely a vocation but I’ve various family members in law /banking and honestly ,they work as hard ,harder most of the time .No perfect career.

Tbf medical doctors are going to be one of the career paths that is going to be pretty safe from AI....

But most of all its not something she's justvconsidered on a whim, she's showing several year long interest, I think if she feels it's her calling, she should go for it. Also, there's lots of related branches of medicine and biology along the way that she might decide to persue.

There are lots of doctors in my family, mostly women, and they all seem to enjoy it, particularly the flexibly and scope for part-time work as compared to other careers. I’m in Finance and not one client-facing professional in the whole organisation works part-time.

I think you should be proud that your daughter is ambitious and wants to pursue a demanding but rewarding career.

It’s her life, not yours.

Do not persuade her to do something that she doesn’t have her heart set on.

Tbh judging from the people I know, she'd be better off being a dentist. Much better work life balance and considerably more money.

I think if your DD is determined to go down this route, she should as PP have said get as much information /work experience/ speaknto those already in post. She needs be aware just how hard it will be for at least 10 years (so med school/foundation and at least 3 years specialty)

My DD’s plan was to be a PE teacher, and studied Sports and Exercise Science at Birmingham. She decided in her final year that she wanted to be a doctor. As parents we just said ok if that’s what you want. She worked a year as an HCA, and was lucky enough to get on a graduate medicine course at Warwick- again chemistry not required.

She suffered badly with anxiety and depression throughout her med school
years and at times we wondered if she’d make it through. Her 1st foundation year was equally horrendous and she reduced her hours to cope. She never wanted to give up although we worried if she was doing the right thing. In her 2nd year things fell into place a bit more - I think helped by having better mentor/consultants who werent just there to belittle the F1s and 2s. She did another year in A&E, whilst deciding what specialty she was interested in.

She is now in her 2nd year of Psychiatry and loves it. She said a while back that for all the challenges she’s faced she absolutely loves her job. How many of us can say that?

I wish your DD all the best whatever route she takes