To not want DD to become a doctor

[toomuchgoingonhere]

Lovely DD has told me before that she was considering medicine. I didn’t think much of it as she was in year 9. Whenever I bought it up again, she told me not to ask her and leave it with her. This week, (she’s now in year 10) she mentioned A-levels, very light-hearted, saying she thinks she’ll do biology, then came “I have to decide if I want to be a doctor”. Now my AIBU is that from all we hear, and all that we know, it’s sounds terrible. I’m not going to mention anything to her again, but there are lots of pathways- paediatric, gynae, bones….
what do you think? Anyone else with a DC going studying medicine or have made it though the other side? Are you are doctor or OH?

Also agree with this, especially if she wants to work abroad. Where I live, dentists earn $500k-$1m pa for a 9-5, essentially. Tonnes of scope for part-time work too. Not sure on UK salaries but I imagine they’re healthy too.

Thank you all for taking time to post. I really appreciate it. We will support her whichever route she decides.

@HelenHywaterNo job is NO debt. You must know that!

Plus the training positions will get sorted out. For anyone looking in the future, it’s usually a dead cert for a job. Unlike law and just about any other degree where thousands go for the jobs. The over supply of law grads is frightening. Australia probably doesn’t want them. Medicine is more portable and gives the best financial return of any degree. (Ifs data)

Working part time is normal as is retiring earlier than everyone else due to their massive pension pot: tax payers put around 25% contribution into the pension scheme so we do say thanks with our money. Multiples of other pension contributions. The self employed get £0.

Why would you put DD off? Short working life if you want it and part time readily available. Get through the first 10 years, and it’s better paid than most and you can work privately too. Consultants in nhs start on £110,000. She might get that in another job but equally might not get anywhere near it! Encourage her to do what she would like to do.

What cities?

I have a lot of doctors in my family. They work crazy hours for the first 2 or 3 years post qualification then it becomes normal hours - much less than you'd work for the same money in the private sector. An awful lot of doctors work part time too because the salary and pension is great. And then most retire much earlier than private sector too Other than the first couple of years of crazy hard work, its a fabulous career. I can't imagine why any parent would not want their child to be a doctor!

One of my best friends is an anaesthetist, she’s a consultant now and works 4 days a week. She really, really loves her job. There are so many routes your daughter could go down - I’d definitely encourage it; she’s clearly bright, and it’s great she’s showing a passion for something so early too (I’m in my 40’s and I’m still not entirely sure what I want to be when I grow up 🤣)

Not sure why work/life balance is better - most Consultants work PT.

I couldn't be a dentist - it obviously pays well but can you imagine staring into people's mouths all day?! Urgh! It makes me feel quite nauseous. Also, it has to be incredibly dull after the first few years. Teeth are teeth.

You do know that a worthwhile and fulfilling life is not necessarily an easy one? Is the most you wish for your child, 'that she have an easy life". Maybe that is not her wish

Obviously being a doctor is not for everyone and it looks really hard to me ( I can't think of many careers i am less suited to) but many doctors do not regret doing their jobs, even if it is hard

By all means your daughter should as informed and prepared as possible but maybe she will love being a doctor. Alternatively she may not like it but won't know that until she tries. If it is a dream of hers, she should pursue it if she can and if she wants to.

You could say about that most medical specialisms though, no? A proctologist looks up arses all day. I don’t like touching strangers so I avoided all healthcare professions, but if you don’t mind that, what does it matter which part you’re touching / looking at, really?!

To he honest in this day and age it will be a waste of so many years as it will be taken over by AI, not to mention the fact that mainstream medicine is a business and apart from emergency medicine it has nothing to do with health, it is pretty much sick care.

Funnily enough just before I read this I was thinking about how bullied I had been in my career.
I am a Dr, I come from the days of a 1 in 3 with internal cover, it was mostly brutal and I have spent my entire career being bullied by arrogant vile people (both men and women but mostly men) I feel like I could fill this thread with examples that would horrify you. A lot of my jobs I loved, work was awful but great fun at the same time, I’ve met so many lovely patients (and a few colleagues) and hope I helped them. I’ve worked over 120 hours a week (in a job that only paid for the first 70) and spent weekends looking after over 200 patients. I don’t eat at work for my entire first week as a house officer and used to know most of my patients hospital numbers off by heart! I crawled my way up that greasy pole to become a consultant in a London teaching hospital, had a baby who needed to spend time in NICU and my trust advertised my job and replaced me with a recent immigrant from Pakistan. (There were at least 3 new female consultants they had done that to in that year alone!) That person wanted to take extended leave back home before they started and the trust asked me to fill in until they were back. The trust after 5+ years spent the following 10 hounding me to repay my maternity pay.

I have found this quite hard to write and am in fact in floods of tears so please consider being kind if anyone feels like responding directly. (I’m all for free speech but I probably need some counselling!)

I think I would be pretty devastated if any of my kids wanted to become a Dr.

Can you really do this? In the olden days you had to do physics, chemistry, biology A levels to have a chance of reading medicine! (It was terribly competitive even back then.)

If it is her calling she should follow it.

I work in intensive care. It is certainly a stressful job, and the impact on my life, relationships and health (physical and mental) has been significant. But it is insanely rewarding. There are people, including children, who are alive because I put everything I have into training and improving over about 20 years. It took all of my time and most of my money. It was
worth it.

ETA if being a doctor is for her, no other health care profession will suffice. It’s not the same as being a dentist, nurse, midwife, pharmacist etc etc. totally different and not interchangeable.

Emergency medicine consultant here. Switching to Emergency in paeds soon.

She will love it if she has the right personality for it.

I always say to parents when they ask me, would you say no to a son ? Please let her thrive.

This is so sad, are you in the NHS ? In Ireland we stay as long as possible and then a lot of us go on to teach which I hope to get into soon.

In the U.K. Doctors are under paid and under appreciated
if she is bright enough to get into medicine (3 As) there are other challenging careers which pay far better.

Especially as the vast majority of doctors are GPs and that sounds like a real mess of a job these days.

However. If it is her calling leave her to get on with it.
She will need to study hard. Have appropriate extra interests and work experience. And she will need resilience. Buckets of it.

family of doctors here. I am not a doctor. However I would not recommend my career. (Big 4 professional services).

I would recommend banking or city law for a trial 10 year stint and then can do something else if she gets bored of it!!

whatever she studies does not define her or limit her. So do what she loves.

One of the great things about being in the UK is that you can study history or archaeology and then start a career in financial services or law!!!!!

medicine is definitely a calling tho. So let her listen to that if it calls her.

It's terribly competitive now. Just the UCAT has become v important in admissions. Chemistry and Biology keeps all options open but you don't need both - Newcastle don't need either of them !

My friend is a consultant anaesthetist and it looks like a good lifestyle and she earns a very good salary. She works part time and her husband is a stay at home dad with a pocket money-type business. She's been able to take some extended career breaks, and also work abroad.
However, she was flat out studying and was very single minded about it, and has only now emerged out the other side at nearly 40.
I certainly think its a great route for a young person to go down. It's hard, but the entire working world is utterly shit these days - every career has been ruined by budget cuts, "lean" methodologies, metrics, monitoring, performance appraisals and so on. There's not many great alternatives.

Not a chance. Only Chat-GPT4 and Sber’s Salut in Russia has passed a medical exam, both give dreadful advice and can’t diagnose correctly. It is a lot longer than a couple of years and even then, only for basic stuff you see a pharmacist for would be my bet.

My son is 14 and in year 9 at school. He’s adamant that he wants to study medicine, I’m very proud of him and will support him however I can.
Under no illusion it will be an easy ride though!

Doctors on average earn six figures before they're 40. That puts them in the top couple of percent in the UK. There are roles that may pay more but very few of them and to earn six figures in the private sector, it will often mean longer hours, more travel and a considerably worse pension than doctors.

Doctors comparing their work to what they'd like is a world away from industry comparing doctors to other professions.

Frankly if you have the intelligence to earn six figures, you are set for life financially whatever career you pursue. So surely you go into a profession you will most enjoy, not one that may or may not pay a few extra thousand?

I’m a doctor and I wouldn’t be encouraging my child to do medicine. it most definitely is a calling and the good days can be so rewarding but they are few and far in between.

the bad days just break you and the longer I do it the more I am staying to regret my choice. I could have done anything at university and done a lot better financially.

I don’t think it’s the same job that kids see in tv- tell her to get real work experience and speak to real doctors before making a final choice.

It is very hard work, you don't get to choose your jobs at junior level, and it's not compatible with family life. It's also not very well paid, and opportunities for private practice are declining in many parts of the country.
But..... if a young person is academic, personable and willing to make the effort, it can still be a rewarding career. She needs to research all the routes to entry, Inc extra exams and voluntary work.
Ultimately, it's the young person's choice and, let's face it, any serious career is going to be demanding.

Would love to hear more about the 1st generation if that's not too intrusive. My mum went to London University in the 1950s - did Biology. But was always told female medic entrants were restricted in number and often only accepted if men in the family were medics. She was/is very bright - did research after for a while. Even has her name on a published paper!

My neighbours are doctors - their advice when one of my DCs was young was to do it and enjoy it but know that you don’t actually have to go onto practice medicine afterwards. There are research pathways, medico legal jobs etc

They both said they absolutely loved the course and their time at university (and both do love being GPs now, but neither felt it was their only option upon graduating).

I’ve also known quite a few who wanted to study medicine who have done the BioChem degree route and left themselves option of doing the 4 year GED route afterwards. Perhaps ask if she’d consider that to keep her options open and allow her time to get some work experience under her belt?